How are you today?

[Badger]

@Badger i should also add, im not perfect, im not always strong, there are times when i resent how strong i have had to be to survive but the resenting times are few and far between. My mother will never see that she did anything wrong or acknowledge it, and therefore dwelling on it is a waste of my very precious time and energy. I also know that my younger brother and sister and not to blame for my mums choices, i have a good relationship with my younger siblings but its more as a mother figure as opposed to a sister one.

It sounds like you have been through a great deal, my heart goes out to you not having the support of your mother, but it's good to know that your late friend was such a positive part of life. It reminds me of a cousin and her strained relationship with her mother. Fortunately now she is a grandmother of six herself and much loved by the family. The last few years been difficult after her stroke but she is battling on.

It's nice to hear that you have a good relationship with your siblings, I'm the youngest and my own brother (15 years older) has been a great support after our mother and sister passed in the last few years. I appreciate the eldest sibling can have a lot weighing on their shoulders. You are a credit to your family.

 

[hope23]

It sounds like you have been through a great deal, my heart goes out to you not having the support of your mother, but it's good to know that your late friend was such a positive part of life. It reminds me of a cousin and her strained relationship with her mother. Fortunately now she is a grandmother of six herself and much loved by the family. The last few years been difficult after her stroke but she is battling on.

It's nice to hear that you have a good relationship with your siblings, I'm the youngest and my own brother (15 years older) has been a great support after our mother and sister passed in the last few years. I appreciate the eldest sibling can have a lot weighing on their shoulders. You are a credit to your family.

Ive certainly faced my fair share(and some) of challenges in my life, i like to remind myself that its for those reasons i can be strong. It also makes me conscious of my actions and to never treat others in the way i have been treated. It lets me be there as the support(and rock) for those that need that because i know what it is to not have that.
She was an incredible woman, and the pain of losing her, and the hole she left will always hurt, but she lived and was the most beautiful lady and even though shes passed away it doesnt change that she lived and the love i have for her.
The things i have been through have made me the strong woman i am, and having that strength is something to celebrate, because it means i can advocate for and stick up for those who dont have that strength or who also havent had the support they deserve

 

[hope23]

Fortunately now she is a grandmother of six herself and much loved by the family. The last few years been difficult after her stroke but she is battling on.

I think when you go through those things, its gives you the template or behaviours you know for sure you will not do or be. You know who you dont want to be and that can help you build and grow into the person you are and want to be

 

[Auriel]

Ive only had myself i could rely on to always be there. So for me reminding myself it could be worse and to appreciate that it is something that works/resonates for me personally

same hope, coming from an abusive (and seriously) dysfunctional upbringing, I've felt I can only rely on myself too, (it does get hard sometimes) lately (especially when I came out hospital) I've needed people to pick things up for me (I caught a tummy infection after the op, I'm lucky like that ) I found it really hard to ask for help (it was scary and I didn't know what response I'd get) but it turned out ok , in the past when people have been "helpfull" there's always been an agenda behind it (or the people have been predatory) I like that you've got tattoo's (I love tattoos) also glad to be older (if not I'd be stuck having the same people in my life, not learning mistakes I've been making and repeating patterns) I think at some point everyone is gonna need help with something? (just now I'm more careful who i ask), but you sound quite strong and resilient (it's also nice to learn more about you, I like that about the forum

 

[hope23]

same hope, coming from an abusive (and seriously) dysfunctional upbringing, I've felt I can only rely on myself too, (it does get hard sometimes) lately (especially when I came out hospital) I've needed people to pick things up for me (I caught a tummy infection after the op, I'm lucky like that ) I found it really hard to ask for help (it was scary and I didn't know what response I'd get) but it turned out ok , in the past when people have been "helpfull" there's always been an agenda behind it (or the people have been predatory) I like that you've got tattoo's (I love tattoos) also glad to be older (if not I'd be stuck having the same people in my life, not learning mistakes I've been making and repeating patterns) I think at some point everyone is gonna need help with something? (just now I'm more careful who i ask), but you sound quite strong and resilient (it's also nice to learn more about you, I like that about the forum

I really struggle to ask for help, its something i need to work on but with my history and lack of support, asking for help makes me feel vulnerable, and making myself vulnerable when the answer is uncertain or that my needs/situation take a back seat to other things that can actually be handled differently. In terms of my mum, every single time i reach out and do ask for help there is always the qualifier of 'but youve got to remember ive got two young children' (now 15 and 13) those children also have a father who is also your husband, i am your child too, i still deserve to be just as important to my mum, i havent felt that since i was 12 years old. I truly dont think she realises how horrendous what she is saying is, and how it comes across.
I love my tattoo and am planning to get more, (and am also planning to have some embellishments added to my existing one which at the moment us simple script) i just need to decide on the right thing, hope is actually my middle name, growing up i didn't particularly like it but having gone through everything i now have i can truly appreciate the need to never lose hope.

I think being strong is so important and makes living the life we do more possible. It saddens me however the things we have all had to go through to gain that strength. And to have gone through all that and to not be cynical, resentful or bitter is a super power if you ask me

 

[Badger]

@Auriel sorry to hear about you catching that bug, typical luck and the last thing you needed. It must have been a worry, the anxiety of asking for help is a scary feeling I find. Hopefully now you can recover.

@hope23 it certainly is a super power, a quiet strength that can reach further than ourselves. It reminds me of my late mother, she had a difficult upbringing and some awful experiences in life but showered us with love and never sought conflict.

 

[Auriel]

Hope, you're her child too, yes youre the eldest, but still, I guess it leaves you feeling abandoned, nedlected and unsupported, (but there are people who like helping others, sometimes needing help without asking is a vulnerability in itself (it's all well and good if you can do everything but things can get tough sometimes) it's become one of our default modes in our growning up/learning experiences I guess

 

[Auriel]

Thanks @Badger, yes I was "off^ when I came out of hospital (I put I down to anaesthetic still in my system) but as time was getting on I was still shivery and getting tummy flu symptoms, (it's ok now, still a little dizzy but ok long as I don't push too far) back on the subject of asking for help (and being basically raised the same way as men are) asking for/needing help is equated to weakness/bad and not being able, (it shouldn't be that way,) asking for help's not a r natural feeling/easy thing to do for certain people, but I can't imagine a person alive who's not gonna need some form of help in some way at some point, also if your having a drink this weekend, please have one on me

 

[Badger]

Will do, I have some vodka left in the fridge
take care and keep warm.

 

[Auriel]

Thankyou will do

 

[hope23]

Hope, you're her child too, yes youre the eldest, but still, I guess it leaves you feeling abandoned, nedlected and unsupported, (but there are people who like helping others, sometimes needing help without asking is a vulnerability in itself (it's all well and good if you can do everything but things can get tough sometimes) it's become one of our default modes in our growning up/learning experiences I guess

I feel like it makes it worse that i was her youngest, her 'baby' until she remarried and had two more children. Abandoned and neglected is a good description. My mums statement of 'but youve got to remember ive got two young children' is a frequent one, an excuse to not be able to do something before youve even asked.

Its such a sad societal norm that asking for help = weakness/bad. Everyone needs help at some point in their lives(whether they have an illness or not)

 

[Auriel]

Absolutely, agreed,

 

[hope23]

@Auriel how are you doing? Hopefully on the mend from what sounds like a nasty bug

 

[JayCS]

So, my energy is still OK, still testing negative, but pain is up from 1 the past few days to 4-7, fever feeling, feeling generally sick as in real flu rather than fibro flu, nausea increasing.
To all accounts this is now just the exciting matter of how my body will cope, don't need external tests... Best now see what the next supps and eating do. Maybe it'll vanish... My wife's lost some taste.

Have I updated anywhere? Doing lots of web & paper stuff for others, and the garden.
Wife's CoV is improving slowly, but still positive on Friday. And I've continued negative, we still strictly separated inside the flat and mask in kitchen & bathroom, meet with care on balcony.
But if I did a PCR test and it were also negative, would mine count as CoV? Officially not. My wife still calls it a "hint of CoV"- not able to move is a "hint"... I'm (we're) a human amplifier (sometimes).
Whatever was exactly (only) 5 days, suddenly the T4-energy was back, but still often bad cough, better with hot water bottle, and no appetite, hardly hunger (little sleep, lots of energy, no idea what from!). The jabs and being careful has paid off.

 

[hope23]

Have I updated anywhere? Doing lots of web & paper stuff for others, and the garden.
Wife's CoV is improving slowly, but still positive on Friday. And I've continued negative, we've strictly separated inside the flat and mask in kitchen, meet on balcony. But if I did a PCR test and it were also negative, would mine count as CoV? My wife still calls it a "hint of CoV".
Whatever was exactly (only) 5 days, suddenly the T4-energy was back, but still often bad cough, better with hot water bottle, and no appetite, hardly hunger (little sleep, lots of energy, no idea what from!). The jabs and being careful has paid off.

Im glad to hear your wife is improving that you are also!! Bonus on the energy front though!!! Now its just beinf careful not to burn through it all and pay for it later (i am well and truly guilty on this front)