Dating!

[JamieMarc]

Good afternoon, @SBee

Yeah, that's me and my baby last week. Thank you for the compliment. You are too kind.

In the united states, we have service animals and emotional support animals. Service animals provide an actual service to their owner. A seeing eye dog is one example, other service animals can do many things. Coby is a service animal, but he is a psychiatric service animal, and he is covered under the same rights and privileges as any other service animal. He is permitted to go with me anywhere, including stores, medical facilities, public transportation, even on the train.

I do not take him with me everywhere, only where I expect to encounter a situation where I will need him. And I am thrilled that I am able to take him on the train as I do not drive, and travel back to my home town of Orlando to visit friends and family often.

Emotional support animals do not provide a service other than being of comfort to their owner. Many lonely people, elderly people who live alone, have emotional support animals. They are not provided the same legal rights as service animals. For example, a shop owner can tell the owner of an emotional support animal to remove the animal from the shop, but by law they are not allowed to do that with service animals. And they are only allowed to ask two questions if you have a service animal. The first question is do you have a disability that requires a service animal? The second question is what service does the animal perform for you? They cannot ask you about your disability, and they cannot ask you to demonstrate what the service animal does.

There are programs that bring pets into nursing homes and hospitals etc, as you mentioned, because as you probably know studies have shown that animals can have a very positive and beneficial effect upon the elderly, the sick and the lonely. In fact, I would love to be involved in one of those programs and may look into that once my plate is not so full.

Of course, Coby is not just my service animal, but also my baby boy, and I just don't know what I would do without him.

 

[sunkacola]

@JamieMarc , your service dog looks beautiful. I am so glad you have such a fine animal, trained to help you. I have worked with and done training with service dogs and have very strong positive feelings about them and the wonderful support and life-saving abilities they have for so many people. I also love to spread the word about, and clear up misunderstandings about, Service dogs, emotional support animals, and the laws and differences between them.
(Of course, what I know is only how things are in the USA)

Dogs are so amazing, and their abilities to help people are finally being more fully recognized. I'd like to hope that this will translate into dogs being more respected and better treated all over the world.

Just to expand on @SBee 's question about dogs who go into hospitals, etc. These are called Therapy Dogs, or at least that is what they are called where I am. These dogs don't need to be Service dogs or emotional support animals, just very clean and very well behaved, and they of course need to like people a lot. Where I live there's a process and testing to become registered as a Therapy dog, and then the owner can choose if they want to go to hospitals, assisted living facilities, or be part of the Read To A Dog program for children at the public library. Therapy dogs also go into schools after a mass shooting, or to disaster sites to comfort people (totally separate from the search-and-rescue dogs who go to look for people after a disaster). Therapy dogs don't have any special training apart from impeccable manners, and they don't have legal privilege to go into stores or places unless they are on duty to comfort people.

Emotional support dogs can, of course, go into any store that allows pets, like Home Depot, but not into other places. They don't have or need any special training; they are simply supportive to their people just by being themselves. I think that applies to a great many pets, although most people don't necessarily call them that. The only reason that people get an official letter from their doctor to make their animal an emotional support animal is for purposes of housing in a place that otherwise may not permit pets.

The positive effects from having a loving animal companion really cannot be exaggerated. I personally wouldn't want to live without my dogs, who are my closest companions. We are so lucky to have these wonderful animals by our sides.

 

[SBee]

@sunkacola I just remember the animal who go to comfort those in hospitals are called PAT animals in the UK , Pets as Therapy. As you and @JamieMarc know, their unselfish love is so much appreciated by so many. I know that petting an animal helps to lower blood pressure as well.
I am not sure here if we do have emotional support animals, or if they are legally recognised as such. We certainly have physical support dogs,for loss of sight and hearing, and in some cases to " help " around the house. Am not sure if we have dogs which children can read aloud too either. Though in my well loved public library they have a children's hour where they sing nursery rhymes and songs aloud. Amazing how many of us find ourselves joining in with them amongst the aisles. Our local library is also welcome safe space for anyone who has any form of disability physical, mentally, or a learning difference.

Neighbour did have a service dog, who served in Iraq and for some reason was going to be left there. Our neighbours serving son,somehow managed to bring him home to live a dogs dream retirement.
I agree, there is not enough understanding for respect always shown to service animals. That must be so fulfilling to be able to Work with them.

We only have two mad cats atm, having lost our rescue ( not!) Working collie. she was a failed sheep dog much to our joy. Our hearts haven't yet mended enough to rehome another dog. I believe in rescue,to help heal a sometimes sad or misunderstood animal.

Please send a hug to your respective dogs on my behalf.

 

[Auriel]

Hiya brand new @JamieMarc

 

[Auriel]

@JamieMarc I like your new profile picture (you look all rugged and handsome ) rugged man and his dog in the wild outdoors

 

[sunkacola]

Neighbour did have a service dog, who served in Iraq and for some reason was going to be left there. Our neighbours serving son,somehow managed to bring him home to live a dogs dream retirement.

That is so good to hear.

It used to be that military dogs were left behind, which is utterly heartbreaking to me. These days, that seems to be changing, and if a serviceman or woman wants to bring home their military service trained dog, there are steps they can take to do that, and more and more people are bringing their dogs home with them.

These are not Service Dogs for the most part, though....at least not in the way that is meant here. They are retired Military Service dogs, which is different from being trained to do tasks that assist a person with disabilities. Although, I would bet that at lease a few of those military dogs that their handlers have brought home have been trained into actual Service Dogs for their owners because so many people come home from war with PTSD. I have not heard stories of this, but I cannot imagine that it is not happening at least some of the time. Unless the military dog has PTSD him- or herself, some of them would probably make good Service Dogs.

Dogs have given me more in my life, and taught me more, than anything or anyone else has. They are so willing to give all of themselves and usually for so little in return. It makes me feel good to hear about military dogs or police dogs who get to have a comfortable and happy retirement, as they have surely earned it.

 

[JamieMarc]

Where I live there's a process and testing to become registered as a Therapy dog, and then the owner can choose if they want to go to hospitals, assisted living facilities, or be pa

I love and agree with everything you wrote in your post. Such a well-written post and so well deserved for our beautiful dogs all over the world.
I didn't know that. Probably it's the same way in Florida. Coby is very smart and very well behaved except for one big problem: he loves people so much that he wants to jump on them. And to me that's not good manners. LOL. I really do hope that someday, before he gets too old, I can get help from a professional trainer to break him of that habit and then perhaps register him as a therapy animal. The neat thing about it too is that bringing him somewhere to comfort others would also be therapy for me.

Therapy dogs also go into schools after a mass shooting, or to disaster sites to comfort people (t

I didn't know this! That is so cool! What a wonderful thing to do for those who have just suffered such a trauma. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. Animals are just so incredible! And of course each one of us pet owners has a really big spot in our heart for our own little babies.

 

[JamieMarc]

send a hug to your respective dogs on my behalf

Done, Sarah! Coby hugs and kisses you back!

 

[SBee]

You do know @JamieMarc Coby's going to expect that every day now - please do so on my behalf! ❤

 

[JamieMarc]

It's a promise, Sarah! And Coby is lapping it up... Pun intended.

 

[sunkacola]

I really do hope that someday, before he gets too old, I can get help from a professional trainer to break him of that habit

JamieMarc, I can teach you how to train your dog not to jump on people if you want me to. I have been a dog trainer for many years, and this is a simple thing to fix. Just send me a private message if you want to, and I will give you the information on that. It's not hard, and you won't have to pay someone to show you how to do it.

 

[a gentle voice]

Hi everyone,
as a woman in her early 20s, I do have the fear of being an undesirable spouse or considered a burden for a partner... It's more complicated because I'm also not interested in having children. I would love to adopt, foster, and sponsor orphans. I think that would be a beautiful life full of love and care. But I was never interested in experiencing pregnancy or child-rearing in general even before I was diagnosed with Fibro. Now that I have my diagnosis, I'm even MORE sure I don't want to have biological children. The stigma of a childfree life already exists, so I'm worried having Fibro will be another thing that will turn off a potential spouse. I think my biggest fear would be being abandoned a decade or two into my marriage, maybe because my husband will realize he wants biological children...

Does anyone else have fears like this?

 

[a gentle voice]

Hi everyone,
as a woman in her early 20s, I do have the fear of being an undesirable spouse or considered a burden for a partner... It's more complicated because I'm also not interested in having children. I would love to adopt, foster, and sponsor orphans. I think that would be a beautiful life full of love and care. But I was never interested in experiencing pregnancy or child-rearing in general even before I was diagnosed with Fibro. Now that I have my diagnosis, I'm even MORE sure I don't want to have biological children. The stigma of a childfree life already exists, so I'm worried having Fibro will be another thing that will turn off a potential spouse. I think my biggest fear would be being abandoned a decade or two into my marriage, maybe because my husband will realize he wants biological children...

Does anyone else have fears like this?

I also don't think I can handle sacrificing my physical and emotional energy during motherhood. I'm already easily worn out since getting Fibro, and I really want a life where I can care for myself, my energy, my mood, my sleep, my body, and share my life with an adult who will also appreciate their own alone time.

 

[sunkacola]

@a gentle voice , while the issue of having children is highly personal and I would never advise a person one way or the other, it seems to me that you are making a wise choice for yourself, from what you say.

I want to encourage you not to worry too much about that in terms of finding a partner, because a lot of people don't really want to have children, and more and more young people are making that decision these days than ever before, because they do not want to bring children into a world that may become uninhabitable for human beings within that child's lifetime.

A person who truly loves you for yourself is not likely to abandon you because you don't want to give birth, especially since you say you are willing to adopt if your partner decided they wanted a child.

There's never a guarantee with any marriage. One of you may change so much that it's no longer a viable partnership, one of you may die; many things can happen.

The best approach, IMO, is never, ever, to rush into anything. It's just not possible to know someone well enough in a short period of time. It's not possible to know how a person will respond to challenges or high stress in life until you have seen them challenged. You can't know if you and the other person will be good at conflict resolution until that has been tested several times. The best chance for having a good relationship for the long term is to be really good friends for a long time before even dating, let alone going into a romantic partnership. Most people who get divorced do so because they didn't know the other person well enough before they got married, and they had expectations that seemed totally reasonable to them but which the other person was not going to meet. It can turn out that each person has a completely different, and diametrically opposed, definition of a word such as "commitment". (Trust me on this.....been there).

Having a chronic health condition can definitely turn people away. But, we cannot help that. Best to find out ahead of time, and again the only way to do that is to know the person long enough. Once they have been through a couple of years with you and have been consistently kind and understanding and patient when you had to cancel plans, you have a pretty good idea of how they may be in a long term relationship. People are always on Good Behavior at first, but the true nature of a person comes out in time. The key is not to get too deeply involved, let alone married, until you have hung around long enough to have seen the true character of a person come out.

And this is key: When a person shows you who they are, believe it the first time. Do not think it will change.
I wish I had learned this when I was in my 20s. It would have saved me a whole lot of heartbreak.

 

[SBee]

Hi @a gentle voice what an honest and poignant post. I am a fair bit older than you, so our lives are at different stages, but I have never felt a stigma of not wanting children of my own, not once has anyone queried that. Many of my friends feel the same way and have never felt any differently. I am always hugely excited for those around me wanting to have biological\adopted children and were able to do so. But I never felt that for me. I have children of varying ages from my husband's side as well as from my own relatives.

If someone is trying to force their thoughts onto you and causing - in my book - an unwarranted stigma I dont think that is fair to you.
You show So much care in wanting to love and support children in different ways, that's beautiful.

So I probably am not the best person to advise on you entering a relationship with these worries - I hope someone else can do so.

What I would encourage ( and I am so newly fibro diagnosed so am very much learning as I go ) is exactly what you have said in your second post. Learning to live with fibromyalgia in the best ways you can. And this forum is packed with help and support. We are all individuals whose needs and abilities vary ( someone here wrote fibro is a moving target, each day\hour can change enormously ). There's also a lot of fluctuating emotions with a living with such a range of symptoms. It takes some getting used to I feel.

Easy for me to say, but I would focus on yourself for a while, be the best you can. But I really believe you shouldn't need to give up your dreams and wishes.