Emotional

[Kitkat57]

I'm having a very emotional day since my Hubby had to help me get out of bed.
I was hurting from neck to thighs, limping around all day, went for a walk did some gentle excersice, which helped a little with the stiffness.

I have cried on and off all day I feel so emotional and my heart goes out to all you sufferes that have had it for years.
Am I just feeling sorry for myself cos no one understands only my Hubby who can see me struggling, limping. Hunched over in pain and rubbing lotions and potions all over me.

I think I have got myself together, then I fill up and cry again, I am already on antidepressants because of losing 2 brothers in 11 months and my baby brother was my best friend and soul mate.

I don't even feel like the same person I was,
and never know what I'm going to wake up to, a reasonable day or a total nightmare,
Any help or advice will gladly be accepted
Thanks in advance

 

[sunkacola]

@Kitkat57 ....I fully empathize with you and what you are going through. You have gone through a tremendous amount of loss in a short time, and grief is understandably overwhelming you. Anything like this is pretty much guaranteed to make fibromyalgia symptoms worse. I have also experienced severe loss and feeling as though I am getting beat up by the things that happened to me, and then to be in physical pain and fatigued is just TOO MUCH.

One thing I want to say is, don't ever get down on yourself for crying or for feeling sorry for yourself. Obviously, one doesn't want to just go on feeling sorry for oneself all the time or indefinitely, but really there is no harm, and no shame, in feeling that way sometimes or for periods of time. Sometimes it's appropriate to feel that way and it sounds to me as if you are in one of those times.

You are very fortunate that you have a loving partner who understands and wants to help. Let him help you. One thing you can do, because you have such a good partner, is just give in to it fully. Just collapse, if you need to. Set a time limit on it: tell yourself and him that you will just fall apart for the next __days, maybe one or two, and then just go for it. If you can fully embrace all of your loss and pain and sorrow, it may help you to move a bit of the way through it. But don't think you have to "get over it" when you have suffered such a huge loss as your brothers dying. It's a process, and it takes time, and you get to allow yourself to take that time. It's your right to take that time and to move with and through that grief in the way that works for you.

When your two or three day time period is up, it doesn't mean you have to have it all together, just that you might try something like a walk in nature or watching a favorite movie. Let the light back in. You may find it's eased up a bit, emotionally if not physically, because you allowed it some space.

I don't recognize myself any more, either. I am so far from being the person I used to be that I don't know who I am. I think this is very common for those of us who used to be very active and who are now debilitated by fibromyalgia. This is something none of us ever thought would happen to us. Most of us didn't even know it existed before we got it! But here we all are, and the only thing we can do is learn to get even better at Acceptance Of What Is.

Hang in there. And please don't criticize yourself for how you feel. Most of us are stronger than we think, but no one has to be strong all the time.

 

[Kitkat57]

Thank you sunkacola
Your words are very comforting, it was 18 months ago that I lost my younger brother and 11 months earlier my older brother, I've always felt connected to my younger brother even since he passed.

We were true soul mates and I talk to him each night and day, just lately I feel like he is trying to let me know he is thinking of me, and I know he would be saddened at this condition.

I have a Xmas tree up that has beautiful lights on but not electric there battery operated, and you have to push a button quite firm to switch them on and off.

I thought the battery had run out as they went off, but the next night they came on again, and that's how it's been for the last few days without us even touching them.

I'm convinced he is looking down on me as I know he would want to help me, as he was such a sensitive soul, when he was alive we spoke on the phone at least 10 to 15 times a day we had such a bond and connection,


We use to finish each others sentence off, and new what the other one was thinking by just at a glance at each other.

We laughed untill we cried even at each other, we were both so funny, I feel so lost at the mo and I've been in so much pain on going to sleep, then trying to get to sleep. Then a total nightmare when I have to get out of bed, my hubby has been helping me.

Is this a flare up ? I don't know, but I'm not getting much relief at the moment, can't even turn over in bed, I'm not lazy I have 3 easy cleaning jobs which are only for 2 hours and one for an hour and a half, I don't need the money, but it's good for my mental health

They are all lovely individuals and all trust me, as that is one of the hardest things in finding someone to go into your home, I don't want to let them down, and I'm trying to grip on to my normal life.

They don't know about my condition and would not understand if I told them, so I have just kept it to myself, and up to now have not let them down as I'm up very early and been able to get myself together enough to be able to clean for them, yes still in pain but plod on gently.

I'm speaking to my gp today to increase my anti depressants as I have had horrible thoughts of not wanting to wake up to this awful debilitating pain, crying feeling sorry for myself and wanting the old me back, which I know is not going to happen.

I am talking holistic medicine which I think maybe helping and 2 paracetamol of a night which I think are not working, so will look into cbd with thc which I know sunkacola takes.

Thankyou again and I wish you all well, I'm hanging in there, sobbed my eyes out this morning which has helped, and I will do as much as I can to get some sort of normality back into my life if I can.

Take care everyone

 

[SBee]

@Kitkat57
I just wanted to say hello to you. I really believe your body and mind are trying to cope with a huge amount of stress and pain. I am certain that physical pain can be worse from emotional stress, and you are going through such a sad sad time. I am so very sorry for your loss. You relationship with your younger brother in particular seems so beautiful.
For what its worth I genuinely believe that sometimes those that have passed are able to 'show ' themselves to us in various ways.. That is my own belief anyway.

Please be gentle with yourself, accept the help your husband is giving you - thats so supportive.

Would you feel able to approach the people you work for and explain your heath has altered? You neednt go into details, maybe just say how much you appreciate their trust in you, and that you are happy to continue your work but it may take you a little longer time wise?
Doing so for your mental health is so important, great that your work is so valuable to help you in that way.

@sunkacola spoke beautifully about there not being a shame to grieve, I dont think there is a standard way process on how to live with such grief.
Approaching your Dr to discuss how you feel is a very positive thing, showing again how you care for yourself. Also that you are able to take walks at times, this also shows a caring for yourself and benefits you physically with helping the stiffness. Find those small ways that help you - some of the bigger stuff may be out of reach but find tiny ways to help yourself, and again, know how supportive your husband is too.

Take care of yourself, and be kind to yourself. I think most of us on here know it all works better with small steps.

 

[Kitkat57]

Thank you so much for your very kind words, I feel 60% better than this morning a friend of a friend has given me a small amount of canibis with thc and it has helped to get me out of the depths of despair.

I have one to go to bed with and a couple for the next few days and more if I want them, so I will wait and see how I am tomorrow, I hope and pray that they give me some relief from this truly horrible condition

Thank you again this forum is a life saver literally
and I wish you well each and every FM sufferer
Take care goodnight god bless