Dating!

[JamieMarc]

have tried online dating, to which has always ended in me deleting my account due to the amount of weirdo's present on there! And, or time wasters.

The moment you mention ' I have a chronic illness' they are normally gone.

I'm wondering how many of you are single and looking for love that have Fibromyalgia?

How do you tell someone and when about your condition?
And how do you even find the strength and time to even date?
I would love to date, but I simply can't see me ever being able to find someone that would want to be with someone who is constantly sick, sore, and exhausted.

The thought of being alone and coping with all that Fibromyalgia has to offer for the rest of my life alone is very daunting!

I do online dating as well, and in addition to fibromyalgia I have another disease prevalently associated with stigma. I have gone back and forth over the years on putting it all out up front versus saying nothing upfront. Recently, my thinking is that it is best to leave it out of my profile, not just because it is personal, but because it gives someone the chance to get to know me as a human being first, and if someone truly likes me or loves me, whatever disease or condition I may have, would not matter. If it turns out it does matter, that's not the right person for me. I don't know if that makes sense the way I explained it, but rather than giving anyone the chance to prejudge me I will keep my personal information to myself until the time of my choosing.

When I tell the person depends upon the status of our relationship. If we are dating, and if we have a mutual strong likeness for one another, I think that I just go with my gut. Some I may tell later rather than sooner. It just depends on my gut feeling about that person and how much trust and respect I have for them. If I have any suspicions or indecisiveness about someone, I won't tell them at that point.

I don't think me telling you how I find the strength and time to date would be useful since each one of us is affected by fibromyalgia at different degrees of severity and frequency, or some of us do what we need to do to care for ourselves whereas others don't. All I can really say about how I, personally, find the strength and time is that, because of my disease management and everything that I do to be proactive about my disease, I can always find a time where I have the strength to date. There was a time when this was not true. It may not be at the same time or day that the other person wants to, but we can compromise and find a day that works for both of us.

I empathize with you about the fear of never finding someone who would want to be with me considering all of my health problems. That has been a shadow, a very dark shadow, hanging over my love life for decades. I often look for others who share the same or similar condition, or who suffer from some other debilitating or infectious disease, since I know that they will be able to understand me better and I understand them. But that is easier said than done. It's not impossible to find people like that, but it's not the norm. I do fear growing old alone and perhaps dying alone. That has been one of my greatest fears for several years now, especially as I approach 58 years old. But I am not one to give up hope, and I never will.

Sometimes I think that we look too hard for love and that we should let love find us. And when we cannot find romantic love, we can find friendship love always.

 

[SBee]

Hi @JamieMarc
I found your post very honest and in your own thoughts whilst respecting the understanding that fibromyalgia ( and other illnesses) can affect every aspect of life.
My life was heading in a very different direction when by chance met my partner. His was too actually, but there was an instant connection, and we took risks to follow a new path together. If I live 100 lives I would never change this part of my life. To this day (30 years +), we still love being together and weirdly, we genuinely really like like other! I do know how fortunate I am to have his love and support, as I have given him in the both the big events of life and the everyday stuff.

I think love can find us too, in both romantic love and also friendship love. Beautifully put.
As always I wish you well

P.s look at us JamieMarc both the same age. I like to think of my age as quality rather than quantity....

 

[Auriel]

And try to learn better to see the warning signs in time.

Really good advice for Red flags

 

[JamieMarc]

live 100 lives I would never change this part of my life. To this day (30 years +), we still love being together and weirdly, we genuinely really like like other! I do know how fortunate I am to have his love and support, as I

That is so wonderful and beautiful to hear. I am ecstatic for both of you. Hopefully, I will find someone just as special as your someone.
Most importantly, I loved what you said about you know and appreciate how fortunate you are. Too many people I think after decades together, or even just years together, take their partner for granted. Many people in this world never ever find love, so we should always consider ourselves and our partners and what we share together as a rare and precious thing every single day. Your gratitude is a beautiful thing.

JamieMarc both the same age. I like to think of my age as quality rather than quantity.

I like to think of it that way too, when it comes to thinking about being single I cannot help but factor in my age. Sad but true. Something I am working on though as I am always a work in progress!

 

[Surviver 45]

Hi Jamie,

What you say I can completely understand and relate to. Thank you so much for all your honesty and advice.
I have took some time to reflect, and I agree,
Love should find us instead of us searching for it.
There is a time and place for everything I believe.

I have not really had the support of 'friends' online like on this forum. Maybe that's all I need!
Just people that know what you're going through and can empathise with is truly really all I need?...
I've never even spoke to a man who has Fibromyalgia.
You hear a lot that it predominantly effects just women, although I do know that It does effect men too.
It is nice to hear your thoughts and feeling's on the same subject and to get it from a different perspective.
Thanks for the message. It's really helped me see that friends with Fibromyalgia or any other illnesses for that matter can make you feel less alone.
I don't think you're old by any means! And you have a lovely warm smile so I'm sure you will find someone when your least expecting it (the best way to find it)

I actually value sleeping like a starfish in bed
And I also enjoy having no snoring keeping me awake I must remember the perks of being single too!

 

[JamieMarc]

Thank you for all the kind things you said yesterday @Surviver 45
Sometimes I find it frustrating when I want to thank someone or reply to a post, but I'm having such a bad day that I cannot even manage that. That was the case yesterday.

For anyone reading this, if I don't post a response or say a thank you sometimes, please know that it is not intentional. I might be having a bad day, or I might just be too busy and stressed with my overloaded plate right now.

Y'all are the best and a saving Grace!

 

[Surviver 45]

That's the wonderful thing about a site like this, , we don't expect anything anyway
Well I certainly don't.
And if you were having a bad day yesterday, it's more than likely we were too!
Infact, with my brain fog that clouds my memory most days I couldn't even tell you what I had for tea last night!

We must laugh
Be kind to yourself,
We are all in this together
Gentle hugs from UK London

 

[Amesalot]

Hi Survivor 45
I just had to click on your post. Personally I haven’t dated anyone since my diagnosis and before that my symptoms made my last relationship unmanageable. The worst part was that I didn’t know why I was in pain or felt fatigued all the time and it just disappointed my partner or upset him when I’d have to cancel important events.

I do understand feeling lonely and wanting that connection. Any connection is good though, even friends. Sadly, some of my closest friends have been unable or unwilling to understand my condition so we rarely talk anymore. So I also understand the time and effort it takes in any type of relationship.

As others have already said, this forum has really helped me with my diagnosis. Fibromyalgia can be a lonely place. The people on this forum have shown me it doesn’t have to be.

Thank you for your post and know that you have a fan club on this forum!

 

[SBee]

Hi @Surviver 45 I cannot agree more with what you say.some days it's hard to find any physical or mental strength in ourselves. Everyone on here knows this in one way or another. This forum is a very safe space to be amongst others who don't want or need an explanation from anyone else on here, they just accept it because they understand and just want to offer support, advice and understanding. ( I' m not so far away - Herts \Cambs borders! Hi almost neighbour ! )

@JamieMarc no one expects anyone here to be on tap 24hrs, life is stressy and at times a little ( or a lot ) overwhelming without throwing in the range of conditions and symptoms we all have in varying degrees. Just know people care. Never feel under obligation. We all sadly know those days. I just hope today has been better for you and tomorrow will be even more so. Take care of yourself my friend.

 

[Surviver 45]

It's so nice to meet you guys on here. I already feel less alone.
Fibro Friends Forever lol

 

[JamieMarc]

@Surviver 45
Gentle hugs and laughter from me to you too! And plenty of love!

 

[JamieMarc]

@SBee
Thank you so much!

Today has been much better than yesterday, much much better, but I did get less than 7 hours of sleep last night, so that wasn't a good thing. Par for the course though. It happens sometimes, too often than I would like, but I have to accept it if I can't change it right?

I appreciate all of the understanding amongst everyone, and no expectations. I hate that I feel obligated to always respond. Now I know that you know, and others, it's okay for me not to, or at least just give a like or a love.

 

[Surviver 45]

Laughter makes the world go round right!?
Or it brightens up our unique lives.
You live in sunny Florida... Wow! I'm so not envious of that!! lol

Please send me some of that sun over here in freezing Blighty with your love lol

I don't have the strength to keep fake tanning

I'm also learning to accept things I can't change. Acceptance is key when it comes to finding peace, love & light

Glad to hear you had a better day

 

[SBee]

Sun? Come on @Surviver 45 you know its Bank Holiday coming up this weekend hence the flood warning vs that will surely come along with the torrential rain. AND t add insult to injury we lose a precious hour when the clocks to forward.

Acceptance I am sure plays one of the biggest parts in our attitudes to improve what we can,yet accept the things we can't help. It doesn't work every day but I know for me,I can't waste precious energy in feeling negative for.too long. Today for me is crap. But I even accept that. I let the feelings in, Don't fight them, then try to gently wave them away.
Don't think any of us can be Miss \Mr Happy sunshine 100% of the time we have a lot to deal with. All of us are pretty amazing you know.

 

[Surviver 45]

Sbee hail, thunder and lightning predicted here tonight too!! ️
Lose an hour? ️
I probably won't even notice that as I'll be asleep lol

All I seem to do is eat and sleep at the moment!
Bless you, well, maybe tomorrow will be the better day for you, you sound very clued up and emotionally Intelligent
I hope you get to enjoy the joys of Easter. Even just the little wins and hopefully we will be blessed with some half decent weather towards the end of it...🌤

Hugs