Arguing with yourself

[Badger]

Who knows how it began for us, or what steps lead us on the path to this point. All we know for sure is that we're here and it's not going to get any easier. At least we have that, the knowledge that this is our life and our burden. Should things change in our lifetime, the vaccine to this ill, then fair enough, until then it's an endurance game, the eternal toothache.

It's ironic that we miss out, ironic that we're driven to empathy. If that's the case then so be it, let them have their life, let us soak up the Rubicon, I wouldn't have it any other way, I can't forsee any other path and ask for no quarter. I'd sooner be damned than kid myself otherwise. Look on the bright side, if one knows pain, then they know the value of love.

 

[SBee]

How you doing today @Badger ?
I know if only been in this chronic condition madness for a far shorter time than someone like yourself. I suspect I am going to have a lot of times when I just can't seem to work with how endless this can make a person feel. Acceptance on a variable day to day basis isn't an easy thing and never a magic cure.
I sometimes think of dear Oscar Wilde and lying in the Gutter but half the time I don't always see the stars. Badger you've made me see some sense in all this madness and for what it's worth people are hearing you and caring. Glad you are on this forum. I wish you well.

 

[Badger]

Hi @SBee, I'm not so bad today thank you for asking. It was a rough night and I woke pretty late today. Fortunately I was able to catch up with an old friend this afternoon. He's not well himself so I was grateful to spend time with him. I appreciate the chance to vent on the forum and the wonderful support that we have for one another. In answer to the bad days, I try to reflect afterwards and keep some perspective rather than let old habits run unchecked as I used to. Here's hoping today has been a little kinder for our friends here.

 

[SBee]

Pleased to hear its been a better day @Badger. Sometimes we can maybe be a bit too hard on or own ourselves, expect too much from ourselves?
We all seem to be better at encouraging others when they need it and yet forget we also find it bloody hard work day after day. For myself, I allow some time to be peed off or frustrated, but try not to stay that way too long. Other days ? I come on here to do exactly as you say, I vent and appreciate the support freely given.
Nice you had some time with an old friend. Reflect and be kind to yourself too. Take care Badger

 

[BlueBells]

@Badger @SBee

I must admit, I tended to think it was more "Angry at Fibro" rather than "Arguing with yourself"

I come on here to do exactly as you say, I vent and appreciate the support freely given.

This is one of the most important things about this site, it is 'safe' to vent, as we all need it and we all understand it.

Sometimes we can maybe be a bit too hard on or own ourselves, expect too much from ourselves?
We all seem to be better at encouraging others when they need it and yet forget we also find it bloody hard work day after day

Exactly !!! That soft nature that cares for others, but seems difficult to shine some of that care on ourselves. I's not wrong, it's not selfish, but it is very necessary self-nurture and self-care.

I reckon this is one of the very hardest things I am still trying to learn, to care for ME !! This site is helping so much with that, as we all understand and encourage each other. Importantly we do not criticise, that makes it 'safe'.

 

[Auriel]

Are you ok badger? (I've never read anything like that from you before) acceptance it vitat (lest we be at war with our own minds and bodies adding to further frustration and dissapoinment) a vaccine would be heaven sent (I've had this for so long if I had it no more I'd be waiting for it to come back!) Hope everyone's is ok (in our kind of ok, which is a bit different)

 

[SBee]

@BlueBells @Badger @Auriel
can I throw in the title Frustrating Fibro as well??

some days I just think " seriously ". Like someone on where said it's like trying to hit a moving target.
it's like the only thing predictable about fibro is actually it's unpredictability !

 

[Badger]

@Auriel I'm not so bad, thank you for asking. I'm taking it slowly today, it builds up with depression at times. Although life is still difficult with better lifestyle habits, it's much worse if one falls out of routine or punishes themselves.

 

[SBee]

@Badger I think a lot of us know our individual signs as to when depression ramps up more, and maybe for some of follows a recognizable pattern?
I have a few ' tools ' I try to use ( anxiety is worse for me than depression ). I think you have them yourself with using mindfulness? Some days ( or a few really ) I almost have to accept this is now I am right now, but I know where to go if I do need extra help\support. It's knowing when to ask someone to step in- and your original post asked just that.

You've said it yourself there, try to keep to your personal lifestyle routines ( especially when you don't feel like it) and please Badger don't try to punish yourself. Because no symptom of mental health is a fault or a weakness. Just whilst on the better days you can see this yourself, on the darker days it's hard to see things clearly.

None of us are experts in a trained sense but think the majority of us can empathise with how you feel right now. Ok for a virtual hug?

 

[Badger]

@Badger I think a lot of us know our individual signs as to when depression ramps up more, and maybe for some of follows a recognizable pattern?
I have a few ' tools ' I try to use ( anxiety is worse for me than depression ). I think you have them yourself with using mindfulness? Some days ( or a few really ) I almost have to accept this is now I am right now, but I know where to go if I do need extra help\support. It's knowing when to ask someone to step in- and your original post asked just that.

You've said it yourself there, try to keep to your personal lifestyle routines ( especially when you don't feel like it) and please Badger don't try to punish yourself. Because no symptom of mental health is a fault or a weakness. Just whilst on the better days you can see this yourself, on the darker days it's hard to see things clearly.

None of us are experts in a trained sense but think the majority of us can empathise with how you feel right now. Ok for a virtual hug?

Yes thank you, fair play. I'll spend some more time with breathing exercises during the day. I find if we can vent there's a chance for perspective to follow, rather than get caught up in a cycle of self criticism.

 

[johnsalmon]

had a very bad 3 weeks - arthritic pain in the hips and knees quite serve, very bad fibro pain in the arms back of neck and upper leg and on top of this Hashimoto has decided to give me random nerve pains in the top of the leg and the essential tremor is worse - so asked the doctor for an Antidepressant tablet which she did- but have been going to physio for the COPD and she has given me exercises that have improved my O2 levels the physio is also going to work on my pain levels
But I am still alive!!!!

 

[Badger]

But I am still alive

That's the spirit! It sounds like you have had an awful time with pain. Arthritis is bad enough but cruel having other pains mixed in, it must be difficult to get any rest. Glad to hear that exercises have helped your O2 at least.

 

[Auriel]

This thread made me curious now how everyone manages and deals with their depression?
These are mine, I phone/text someone, I go to the seaside (sea air does me good some reason?) Or if it gets really bad and nothing works I just ride it out until it passes.
️️

 

[Badger]

I find it difficult to treat, but getting some air or having company does seem to help. Although I'll still be feeling low, it would be worse without that fresh air or company. Looking back, perhaps breathing exercises and meditation helped. I make the mistake of falling back into bad habits. I guess sometimes we may have to ride it out a little too.

 

[SBee]

Same @Auriel ( hi ! ) and @Badger good relevant thread btw.

Although my anxiety is worse for me right now, when depression hits being outside helps so much. When it was severe I was able to do long hard walks alone and that was essential. Now, just being outdoors helps and smaller walks.

Other times if it's so bad, it's playing the waiting game until it subsides. Because when its bad it's hard to use our 'tool's like gentle exercise or breathing techniques, the willingness to do so ( when we need them most ) disappears.

Hope everyone is having a good day or the best they can.