Blogs

Although, I don't post here everyday I do think on things to write about that could help someone else who is coping with the loss of work or the pain and heartache we get from family and friends that think we are faking it all.

First off I too struggle with paying bills and finding enough food and doing my own thing. this year I hope to have a small garden that will give me a few vegetables to help me save money at the grocery store.

My life this week has been a nightmare in relation to trying to help my mom and also care for myself as well. We have reached a stage where many visits and phone calls are necessary to keep her safe and happy with all care givers.

But I am the go to girl. I must cook the meals and clean the house, buy the groceries and do the laundry, take to doctor appointments and make sure everyone else is on the same page, and boy am I wore out.

It seems that life is never ending in pain and suffering, but is often short in happiness and being pain-free. Now I am on the edge of a flare, but not yet into one. The sadness and stress in my life is running at a slow but continuous cycle of ups and downs that keep me in a state of confusion in trying to understand it all.

This will be day four because, well it falls next in line so why not. I have been so busy the last several days that I really wore myself out. Too many errands and too little time set aside for myself. I ran myself ragged trying to keep up with the physical and mental chores, that others laided out for me, until my brain shut down and I could almost think no more.

This is the third day I have posted in this blog and I feel it will be a connect the dots type of blog, where everything I say will come together in a way that makes it all easier to understand and shows a pathway out.

Today I went down to the edge of the woods near my home and stood there and listened. The birds were singing and the trees were talking in the wind, that click and clatter, that they make as the wind flows between the branches. Ever now and then a branch would break off and fall to the ground. And time stood still.

Somedays I am filled with a sense of hope, a hope that stems from the depth of my heart that I will wake up some morning and the fibro will be gone. This hope has lots of dreams and memories of plans I had for my life that got buried in boxes when my fibro moved into the house.

I have been going through those boxes and sorting out the dreams and memories. Some of these came in the form of old forgotten letters, while others are in articles and clippings from newspapers detailing how to live off-grid in the wilderness.

It seems everyday I come to this forum, I learn new things and make new friends. But what am I doing to help myself in this endless sea of new hidden faces of friends that I have grown to care about.

I am reaching out, like a hand extended into outer space and tonching lives of people I will never meet, but whose lives are so similar to mine that at times I feel their great sorrows and joys.
This feeling is strange in a way because I don't know them, but they are important friends and links held together by a thread called 'Fibromyalgia.'

I made the decision to stay at home today. I woke feeling a little bit better but I knew if I sat at my desk all day I would start feeling awful again so booked a sick day. Tomorrow is my normal day off so I should be fit for work on Thursday. I don't usually suffer too much from the round of winter bugs. I get them but usually manifest as a bad case of the sniffles but once in a while I get a bad one and it knocks me right off my feet and takes me so long to recover.

Ok, so I've not been so good at this daily blogging thing.
The trouble is I write in the forums, I do the daily 'good day to you all' and write in my pen and paper diary every night(I just like the feeling of old fashioned writing) so to do the blog too makes me feel like I'm stuck in groundhog day.

I was up at eight again this morning... headache still there but not quite as bad. I should have been busy again today but by the time I folded up my washing and gone shopping I didn't feel much like doing anything. I pottered about fiddling with a few easy things but didn't do much.