looking for some understanding

[southernmom84]

Thank you. I really appreciate all the support. I work a full time job too plus try to do the house work. It's really hard because I'm not on medication right now.

 

[southernmom84]

He doesn't even try to understand or educate himself about it. And most of his female friends don't want to even try to be friends with me. It frustrates me. I really try not to let it bother me. Thank you

 

[southernmom84]

I want to thank you all for sharing your stories and your advice. It means so much to me. It's bad when I get more compassion and understanding from my coworkers when they see the pain on my face. Even my boss will ask me if I'm ok. These people barely know me and they treat me better. Hugs to all of you!

 

[ellabrighteyes]

hi southernmom84. really rough situation. something to think about: one, would you act this way if he was sick, and two, how would he act if something worse happened? it's tough to live with this. sometimes, when i get the days of random stabbing pains in joints that almost drop me to my knees, i kind of wish i had a knitting needle to stab people with so they could share. stress makes things worse, this sounds like a stressful situation, and also it sounds like it's depressing you. take care of yourself first. blessings.

 

[diamond]

I wish things were better for you. He probably would care if you left him but i know the feeling when you feel worthless and a burden and as if he doesn't care.

My partner has been a mixture of amazing but then suddenly changes and seems like a different person with different thoughts and feelings to those he leads me to believe are real. This led to a major upset in our relationship.

He has done this to me before i had fibro and it happened again a while back and had a profound impact on my health.

I am not perfect but i am kind and empathetic and would know what would really sting and wound another person especially if it was going to affect their health.

I really hope your boyfriend steps up to be the man you need and deserve.

 

[PythonPlay3]

Hi, I recently had to make a really hard decision. I was with my hubby for almost 7 years. My Fibro wasn't as bad in the beginning but progressively got worse. He had no patients was so ever. I think the biggest thing is they can't see anything is wrong. Even though I also have severe arthritis, he still doesn't get it and he can see that in the x-rays. I think after time, and the worse the battles from him accusing me of not wanting to spend time with him, to not wanting to take me on vacations, to him accusing me of using drugs to sleep for so long, etc etc. I made the choice to leave. Now after the initial shock and absolute hurt that he let me walk out the door - I find my over all daily stress has gone way down. There is no more nasty words for the day or low blow comments because he doesn't get it. As much as I miss him and I do, I feel better over all. The list of what we loose in our life with this illness is heartbreaking. But I stay sane knowing I have a community of people here that get it. I have so much support here that I don't know what I would do without it. You will have to make your own choices as your life progresses with this illness. But know that we have all been there at those same hard life choices.

 

[diamond]

Sorry it didn't work out with your husband PythonPlay3....that's so hard and so brave of you to walk away. I am glad your daily stress is down and your overall health is a bit better.

 

[PythonPlay3]

thank you
Willow.

 

[moe1959]

Sorry your feeling crappy and no understanding. I think a large majority of us have been there. Your asking for advice.........your not going to like me.
Leave his sorry ÷%€.
Something is wrong, he wants his cake and eat it too.
You are special and you can't stay and get well with a man like that. If you have somewhere to go.....go.
If he really loves you, he would support you.
Whatever you do........don't get married.

 

[ddnlj]

I'm so sorry you have this going on in your life. You know, sometimes I think a lot of our physical problems come from (or are exacerbated by) those who say they care about us.

 

[moe1959]

Could it be that he is Narssisistic?

 

[karen123]

I don't really have anyone to talk to about my illness and how I feel. It seems like it's causing problems with my relationship. My boyfriend doesn't understand. It's like he just doesn't want to understand. And whenever I have a really bad fibro day and I try to talk about it, he gets frustrated and says he doesn't want to hear that crap again. Or something like that. It hurts and really upsets me. He always says it can't be that bad. But if one of his female friends has one little thing bothering them, he's there for them. But he can't seem to be there for me when things are so much worse. I just really needed to vent and ask for any advice.

I've been sabotaged in every which way you could imagine. I try to avoid unhealthy relationships, as well as those whom lack compassion and understanding, because they can and without a doubt, will, make my symptoms worse. There was a time when FMS was considered to be a psychological condition, making it difficult for us to prove our credibility, which is very sad that we should have to prove anything. Take care of yourself and analyze your relationship, and don't give him or anyone an opportunity to demoralize you.

 

[keephurting]

Python,
After reading all of the responses, I thought your ability to leave someone who was horrible to you showed such great strength. People can hold onto someone just to have a body in the house, to not feel alone, no matter what they say or do, especially when a difficult, painful disease is reeking havoc on their life. It's normal to want and hope that today this person will change, will be supportive. It is very, very difficult for a lot of people to see that that day isn't going to come. Good for you! Stress is the worst thing for fibromyalgia and you will be not only less stressed but will have the chance to find a partner who will support you and your illness.

SouthernMom,
I don't know this man, but when a partner doesn't show any support, hangs out with other women and ignores helping you, that has to be a huge stressor and emotionally very unhealthy. What would your life be without him? Would you miss any support from him? Would you miss his kindness, His help? The love he shows you? Does he show you love? His encouragement? I am not just talking about fibro, I am talking about daily life.

If he refuses to learn about fibromyalgia whether in books or on the web, how will your stress level ever be reduced? It make me sad that he is treating you that way and if nothing changes, and he refuses to help or support in any way, then nothing changes and this situation will continue for years to come, you don't deserve that, no one does. I hope you do what is best for you. It's already terrible to have this disease, let alone not be supported by your boyfriend/husband, which is the #1 person we need support from.
Kristine