Its not like you have cancer.....

[TomRalphio]

That's a really awful thing to have to hear. I hope it's only because he's going through something. Maybe he'll snap out of it and you guys can have an honest chat about it all very soon.

 

[exploreandrespawn]

I know you love your husband, but I'm not even going to justify that remark, 'at least you don't have cancer.' Instead, I'm going to tell you, that you have the right to feel a little angry about it. It's a hurtful remark. No one should say that to another person regarding the illness. Please feel free to vent more. What I am wondering, is why significant others seem to have this attitude. I read it over and over on this board. I am not married, so cannot relate. But over and over on this board, I see the same thing: People suffering in pain, and those they are led to believe will support them, are the ones that seem to turn on them. I am actually going to google, to see if there is a psychological reason behind this. Something is wrong with our wiring, how we were raised, etc. to turn on a loved one once they are ill. I am the opposite, I want to take care of a sick partner, or friend, I enjoy being there for them. Sometimes I wonder, if it's just some backward way of thinking, lodged in our genes from 'cave man' days...where you dump the ill and disabled, because it slows down the group. If so, then people like that have not evolved. The people who have evolved are those that want to take care of the sick and infirm in their lives.

 

[TomRalphio]

That's a really interesting point of view. I've never really considered the psychological aspect of it all - probably worth looking into a bit more.

 

[Kerrie]

I think it's really hard because men naturally want to "fix" things..they see things more black and white and don't understand we just need to vent and a hug etc. sorry this happened, gentle hugs sweetie

 

[jacque555]

Crystal Price, most people will never truly understand chronic pain. That being said, you can slowly educate your husband, family and friends. Some will understand and many will not. Without setting your limitations to your loved ones, they will expect you to do everything or be the everything. Be honest about limitations and boundaries. Stay as positive as possible. In a caring way and on a good/better day, explain the "Spoon Theory" (google it), it will help your husband to understand. Comparing this chronic, painful disease (and its interrelated conditions/IBS/Migraines/CFS/Raynaud's/arthritis) to cancer is not the point. We have it and must do everything we can to feel as good as we can.