How do you deal with frustration?

[Trellum]

Yeah, same here... friends and family get tired too fast to hear us vent and most of the time they are so codescending. I'm done with that, that's why I'm trying to be my own support system, because let's be realistic... it doesn't matter how much they try to get us... they never will! That's the sad truth. Don't worry, you can vent over here as much as you like Most people over here do really get you and are super supportive! Plus... you have ALL the right to complain! We have earned it, believe me!

By the way, I used to keep a private blog on blogger It helped a lot! Actually loads! I can't keep writing everyday anymore tho, I'm too busy since I started working online But if you can keep a private blog over there... I'm 100% sure it will help you a lot!

 

[Trellum]

Trellum, I feel you. It is very frustrating that because of Fibro you cannot do the same things you used to do especially when the pain is too much to handle. There were times that I was really praying hard to God to just end the pain and take me.

Regarding your question how do I handle the frustration? I really think the first step is to accept what is in front of you...there is pain but that is just pain it is not the end of the world. Live your life when you can as much as you could.

Hi Wendy! Thanks for taking the time to answer this... it indeed is hard to live with fibro, but sadly this isn't my only health concern... I'm dealing with other things as well that add to the frustration However, I'm trying to be as positive as possible, but some days this is just impossible... plus there are some really hormonal days I just feel like sobbing all day long, lol.

I really hope you're feeling better... you are not alone, in the last years I've also prayed to G-d really hard... to end this all and just take me. Some days I think... if that happened it'd not be so bad.

 

[Trellum]

Today I took a long shower to deal with my anger. Sometimes I will turn out all the lights and listen to loud music on my headphones. Other times I will take a cat nap in order to be refreshed and start anew.

Wow, that really helps you with your anger? Last friday I had a mega tantrum... I felt like breaking every dish in my house. Not very cool, I know... it's been a while since the last time I felt so frustrated... but it's good, it's way better than just bottle it up!

 

[kat744]

Seeing people of your age do the thing they love and you can not is frustrating. I sometimes just stay indoors especially when am moody and frustrated because I may say things or even do things which I might regret latter.

Dealing with frustration is a challenge for me because I get angry and annoyed easily, am still trying to manage it and accommodate frustrations in my life.

 

[bboebel1555]

What frustrates me is when I say to the "normal" people around me, I'm really tired or I really hurt today, I get "oh me too" or "I know what you mean". Yeah, I don't think you do. Plus, it's not a contest. Can't you just let me be tired and hurt and complain about it without trying to one up me? Ugh.

My husband has learned to just say "I'm sorry you aren't feeling good today". It is awesome. It helps so much just to know that he is listening and supporting me. We had the discussion before I even knew what this was about how he wants to fix me but can't and I told him when I complain, all I want is to know that you are listening and that you support me. Just tell me that you are sorry that I hurt. So that is what he does now. Who knew! I wonder if that will work with my other family members and friends....

 

[twiztc]

I have a similar problem in reverse. Hubby's knee has been really bothering him the last couple days and he's groaning and complaining and doesn't want to do anything because of his pain. I have to bite my tongue coz all I want to say is " suck it up... I wish I had just one pain but I keep going to work and do all the things I have to do round the house with my entire body screaming in pain " but I just smile sweetly and say it's coz of the weather. When I'm having one of those nasty days all I get from him is "you're not happy today" or "you're in a bad mood" no mate I'm in fu***ng agony. LOL Today after work it was raining but not cold. I got both knees strapped up, my right elbow and wrist strapped but I really felt like going for a walk in the rain. (yep.... sometimes I'm a bit strange like that) I asked himself if he'd come too. It takes me half hour on a good day. He wouldn't saying his knee is bad. He then said he thought I was too bad too (he had the tone you can't be that bad if your going out) to which I replied "I'm fed up with hurting doing nothing so I might as well hurt doing something fun. Off I go, enjoyed myself getting soaking wet coz it took me twice as long,I could hardly stand when I got back but felt achieved. I get so frustrated with myself not being really able to do the things I used to but sometimes I just go crazy and do it anyway even though I suffer for it after.
I also get very frustrated with people around me because even though I make myself do something doesn't mean I can do that something on a daily basis. I get fed up that certain people expect me to do things as they know I'm the kind of person that will force myself to do it out of sheer bloody mindedness even if I hurt myself.
Oh god... I'm babbling... I hope I'm making sense. I'll stop now before this turns into an even more long winded rant.

Be happy people

 

[bboebel1555]

I feel you, twiztc. At first my husband didn't understand how I can do one thing one day and not the next day. I tried to explain that every day is different. Different pain, different energy level, it can actually be different from one moment to the next. Sometimes I can start something, like cooking, and not be able to finish. I have no control over it. My body can just suddenly turn on me. He really tries hard to understand. He told me that he thinks of it this way, he said "I think about the worst pain I have ever felt and that was my kidney stone and I think that is the kind of pain that Barb is dealing with on a daily basis, could I work and do all those things with that kind of pain? Nope, no way." So sweet. But for everyone else in my life, they just don't get it. Like you said, just because I can will myself to do something one day doesn't mean I will have that same will power all the time. I'm thinking maybe I am trying to convince myself of that. Because when I have good days, I forget and I overdo it. I need to remember to stop before I get to the point where I am going to need 2 days to recover from one baking session. It's hard.

 

[GingerR]

I also feel frustrated and caught between not wanting to be the complainer and yet wanting some sympathy at times. With an illness that doesn't show on the outside, I often wish I had a series of signs on my forehead: in pain, can't concentrate, feeling great, fatigued, etc.
I see a therapist for depression and anxiety and do take medication. Talking to my therapist gives me permission to talk about my illness and frustration. This helps me a lot.

 

[jabeen100]

Take a walk, excercise, listen to music, talk to someone, scream, break things, Yoga.

 

[dorann]

I wish that I knew of a healthy way to deal with frustration because I am feeling a lot of it right now without a functional right hand. Mostly I'm having to get people to do things for me.

 

[Trellum]

What frustrates me is when I say to the "normal" people around me, I'm really tired or I really hurt today, I get "oh me too" or "I know what you mean". Yeah, I don't think you do. Plus, it's not a contest. Can't you just let me be tired and hurt and complain about it without trying to one up me? Ugh.

My husband has learned to just say "I'm sorry you aren't feeling good today". It is awesome. It helps so much just to know that he is listening and supporting me. We had the discussion before I even knew what this was about how he wants to fix me but can't and I told him when I complain, all I want is to know that you are listening and that you support me. Just tell me that you are sorry that I hurt. So that is what he does now. Who knew! I wonder if that will work with my other family members and friends....

Oh, that really gets in my nerves! Specially if it's my boyfriend who claims he feels sick and tired, lol. The guy is as healthy as horse! I dislike that kind of people who take most things as contest, with the ''me too or me more''. Specially when it comes to pain. I believe they will never understand.

Ah, at least your hubby gets you! Mine just nods, lol. I wish we could write scripts for people, so they would just do and say what we need them to say in that very same moment. Best of luck with the rest of your family and friends circle, it might be a bit harder with them, but you lose nothing by trying

 

[GingerR]

My biggest frustration is my husband. He truly cares about me and asks me questions, such as why does it hurt...is it your muscles or in your joints, etc. He is a scientist, and so I researched fibro and typed a document listing problems, with citations, and included a peer-reveiwed paper. He hasn't read it. He continues to ask the same questions and be skeptical about my answers, and I get hurt and angry.
I do have other chronic problems. Perhaps he is just overwhelmed and is looking for an answer so that he can fix my problem. It is still frustrating.

So, how do I deal? I try to look at this from his point of view. I talk about this with friends. I distract myself with reading. I look for at least 1 thing a day to be grateful about, and I always find at least that 1 thing.

 

[Trellum]

Woah, Ginger, it sounds like he is a very special case! I completely understand your frustration, sorry to hear he is skeptical! It's such a pity! So he doesn't believe you have fibro or he doesn't believe fibro even exists?

I really hope he gets to read that document you wrote. I'm glad you have found a good way to cope with this tho I love your approach! I'll try to look for 1 thing to be grateful for every single day. Sometimes we just forget we are not only surrounded by pain, but also by many blessings!

 

[Trellum]

Seeing people of your age do the thing they love and you can not is frustrating. I sometimes just stay indoors especially when am moody and frustrated because I may say things or even do things which I might regret latter.

Dealing with frustration is a challenge for me because I get angry and annoyed easily, am still trying to manage it and accommodate frustrations in my life.

Same here, I was feeling awful this morning, but I decided staying at home on saturday wouldn't do me any good, so I decided to go out for a bit and relax. I went to a really nice shopping center with my mom, we took a look at all the nice things that were being sold over there. I admired the lobsters they had there and all those tasty cakes. I felt MUCH better after that. But I understand sometimes you just can't or don't want to go out.

Best of luck dealing with your frustration, I'm starting to learn how to deal with mine... I'm an overly sensitive person who is also very emotional because of a hormonal imbalance , so you can imagine! Most days feels like a mood rollercoaster!

 

[GingerR]

Woah, Ginger, it sounds like he is a very special case! I completely understand your frustration, sorry to hear he is skeptical! It's such a pity! So he doesn't believe you have fibro or he doesn't believe fibro even exists?

I really hope he gets to read that document you wrote. I'm glad you have found a good way to cope with this tho I love your approach! I'll try to look for 1 thing to be grateful for every single day. Sometimes we just forget we are not only surrounded by pain, but also by many blessings!

Did I forget to say my husband is a scientist. He likes to think logically and linearly. I know he truly care about me even though he can be very frustrating.
We had a great talk across the kitchen table. I told him that he had 2 roles: one as a friend that should listen and offer sympathy and the second as a husband who could offer suggestions. I told him when I wanted him to respond as friend or husband. I learned that he is scared for me. He fears that I might get worse. We did problem solve about a few things. He did give me a "poor baby" now and then. I also learned that he feels as though he can't share the difficult things about his life because he is afraid he will cause me stress and make me worse. Sharing our frustrations with fibro and thinking through what we could solve and what we needed to accept helped me so very much.