How do i do it on my own

[JayCS]

Even in the being present exercises i still attempt the length is always very short

Mindfully Being in the Here and Now has been very effective for me to minimize anxiety.
But even developing it, I've never actually practiced it in completely dry runs, so again I'm with you there.
I started (on a hunch) on bridges and church steeples as confrontation exercises to reduce my fear of heights.
And even there it was like yours short, once or several times one minute, then rest.
The image was/is: Both feet are safely planted, Here and Now, on a secure hold.
I did also practice that image in semi-dry runs while drowsing, I learnt to 'fly' and 'step on invisible pillars'.
The image was so strong that it infected all other social situations bit by bit, voluntarily and involuntarily.

So like meditation, mindfulness "set apart" from real life is too "boring" and abstract for my brain.
I managed to do Yoga Nidra a little bit longer (guided longer, but I try to do without now) and have developed tingling stims (first toes, now fingers, jaw and back of head), but again these aren't much longer than one minute, very effective for relaxation none the less.

 

[Dot9000]

I'm getting tired and won't read the whole page now, but a sponge on a stick (like the kind used when bathing) work good for applying lotion. I got mine on Amazon. I'm sorry if someone already posted this idea. So sleepy! There are people on youtube that give ideas/advice on fibro stuff as well, if you have time to peruse. Best wishes

 

[hope23]

Thank you

 

[Auriel]

I've only just found this (I've starting welling up reading it) I'm sorry, this feels waaaaay more than just having someone to put cream on your back, this sounds like different forms of abandonment (having a partner should mean they're there for you in times of crisis and illness also) what would happen in the future should he be struck with something that disables him (something that he couldn't suck up, would he expect to be left?) His upbringing obviously trained him to be and think a certain way (I hope when and if your ready you'll find someone who's waaaay more empathetic to you and your needs) I have a catalogue for different disability aids ( it's uk based though) but there's probably other things you could find if you internet search that might help, (I've seen some of your posts on the forum before and had no idea you'd gone through this! (I hope things are looking up for you now and the people around you are good, better for you and more supportive

 

[hope23]

I've only just found this (I've starting welling up reading it) I'm sorry, this feels waaaaay more than just having someone to put cream on your back, this sounds like different forms of abandonment (having a partner should mean they're there for you in times of crisis and illness also) what would happen in the future should he be struck with something that disables him (something that he couldn't suck up, would he expect to be left?) His upbringing obviously trained him to be and think a certain way (I hope when and if your ready you'll find someone who's waaaay more empathetic to you and your needs) I have a catalogue for different disability aids ( it's uk based though) but there's probably other things you could find if you internet search that might help, (I've seen some of your posts on the forum before and had no idea you'd gone through this! (I hope things are looking up for you now and the people around you are good, better for you and more supportive

You are 100% right, this is about far more than someone to put cream on my back, i found someone who i loved wholeheartedly, who was my best friend, who met me when i was already sick, who proposed to me knowing i was sick and then bailed and left. Having that trust and someone who you thought would be there no matter what then abandoning me, has broken me, i now feel im the only one i can ever rely on.
Im usually an extremely practical and pragmatic person, enough so that at the start of the relationship i worried about whether he knew exactly what he was signing on for. I guess the other aspect is im not usually a poor me kind of person so writing the above post was enormous for me but i needed to get it out of my head and atleast talk to people who understand what living in constant pain and every other symptom is like and that 'sucking it up and getting over it' is laughable, it not a stubbed friggin toe. The support i get from this forum and talking to others who truly get it is immense, this has become a place of solace for me where i can get some of the support i shouldve got from the man who loved me.

 

[Auriel]

I'm glad you've found a supportive system in this, I concentrate on if people's actions match up with their words these days, you don't have to be on your own but I get why your weary now, self care, lots of kind words to yourself and focusing on the good qualities you have and good qualities you deserve from someone else too

 

[hope23]

I'm glad you've found a supportive system in this, I concentrate on if people's actions match up with their words these days, you don't have to be on your own but I get why your weary now, self care, lots of kind words to yourself and focusing on the good qualities you have and good qualities you deserve from someone else too

That is also a source of confusion because he was always supportive (words and actions) would always help me and take care of me when i needed it and i would do the same for him as much as was possible for me, he is also a farmers son and wasnt very good at talking about his feelings or things that were annoying/bothering him, bottled it up until something had to give, unfortunately it was our relationship, i am weary but im also only 28, i know i will at some point be ready to jump back in but when i do i know i need to be self sufficient as much as possible and will be very cautious when i do jump back in.
For me at the moment i just need to focus on looking after myself and putting myself back together, i think the breakup has been made more challenging for the fact it was over something i do not have control over and cant change, the other challenge is that there isnt the anger that usually happens with breakups, our break up is bizarre in the extreme, we are still friends, we still talk most days, and incidents of intimacy(that for my own mental health and healing were ill advised , but physical needs dictated that one, we were a very intimate couple and both found that aspect of our relationship extremely satisfying, sorry guys TMI i know ). We also have two dogs which one i had before the relationship and the other we got together but the one we got together chose me as his person, however we share them both as i would never stop him from seeing them or having them to stay.

 

[Auriel]

agree with how your going forward (and your thinking and dealings with) I'm doing exactly the same right now

 

[hope23]

agree with how your going forward (and your thinking and dealings with) I'm doing exactly the same right now

I think its great connecting with people dealing with the same conditions and challenges but connecting with someone who is kind of going through similar situations specifically is really good, so thank you

 

[Auriel]

You're more than welcome ️

 

[cookiebaker]

where there is life, there is hope.

I was 37 before i found my forever partner.. and it has been 22 years now. He is my rock.
I had pretty much given up on ever finding someone when we met.. I was simply looking for a friend to go to a movie or something with.. was not really interested in much more at the time (was kind of cynical about relationships back then).

Point being, dont completely give up on finding that special someone - they are out there.. but at the same time, dont stress about actively looking either.. you will meet when the time is right.
Until then, take care of yourself, do what you can to make things the best they can be.

 

[Auriel]

I love that story cookiebaker