How do i do it on my own

[cookiebaker]

seems to me you explained it just fine, Hope, and I can definitely relate about being the "practical" person and doing what you can to mitigate problems...
I am the one that always packed a small tool kit, and sometimes spare belts/parts for a road trip, just because ya never know.. might be handy to have. When i was driving truck, i saved more than one driver with my little tool box, LOL

my problem these days is motivation... i just cant seem to find the motivation/energy to get up and do things, even tho i know they would probably help.
does not help at the moment that I am trying to wean off an anxiety med, and currently get dizzy/light headed every time i move my head. But i really want off this med... so i will deal with the effects of coming off... weaned down to a low dose per instructions, but still having some minor issues. Not fun, but it is what it is... one day at a time.

 

[hope23]

Thanks CookieBaker, for me its definitely a compartmentalising function in that it allows me to accept the crappy days but still do all that i can to help myself even if(during flare) it may not help.
Weaning off medication is a drawn out and unpleasant experience, coming off venlafaxine i suffered severe vertigo symptoms which was very unpleasant. Prochlorperazine assisted with that side effect and is a medication you take as and when needed and can stop cold turkey when it isnt needed. I know its hard and feels like your adding something in but for me the prochlorperazine made the transition off the medication far less taxing(in whatever form the tax takes).

 

[JayCS]

hope23, since almost all of what you're saying to me seems not different, but fully understandable, I'm wondering if it's just the last few inches which are different, or it's even just some misunderstanding.

practical... accepting... change it... take all steps available... still in a crap tonne of pain and feel like crap... practical... accept ... just how it is, and still do... Rather than dwelling... parts I do have control...

I don't see how any of this is any different to me!
I take 100 treatment steps available every day, every minute - relentlessly - I have to think about what I am doing, and triggers like the jabs or certain events (often only 2-3h) immediately bring my energy down to 5-10% for days, weeks or months. Whilst I may have more control over my pains and Ache, they are still always there and physical activities over 2x1h per day will/would greatly flare it.
So I do a heck of a lot despite my life still being debilitating.
So if we're talking about 1 "compartment" being actively going up against it, despite not having full control, and the 2nd "compartment" being acceptance mode: Isn't this be the same for all of us?
However this is to me is a problem of all of everyone's lives, epitomized in the Serenity Prayer...
"serenity to accept", "courage to change" and "wisdom"/"insight to know the difference".
Or in terms of the psychology of self-motivation it's swinging between action-oriented and state-oriented (= accepting the state), which I've explained a bit here.
"Compartmentalising" on the other hand I'd suggest ignores any insight/wisdom to distinguish the two, it would mean pushing thru the pain despite knowing it'll make it worse. As soon as we realize that it's usually not worth it to overdo it, we are breaking up the active "compartment", even if we still sometimes decide to push thru without using the wisdom/insight we actually have.
And beyond doing 'nothing': 'radical acceptance' isn't being passive, it is best also active, as an act of our will, and the resting is actually an 'active treatment. I've even found that resting 'more actively' (e.g. relaxation exercises instead of just sitting), the quicker I'll be thru with it. Again this is dissolving the seeming boundary between the compartments from the acceptance "compartment".

In reference to the dejecting part, i am someone who is always looking for new ways i can help myself, and in the middle of flare, when at this point i just have to ride it out, thats not a situation i have control over which in itself for me dejecting.

Of course that can become an additional problem, very normal too. And we often can't get the dejection / depressiveness under control, despite knowing that it's making it worse. But I think you'll agree that we can actually work on and gain control over this mood / feeling. It makes it harder if it seems grounded on a fundament of a pre-fibro depression, but still possible, however it makes it easier if we are a practical person who wants to work and gain control, because then we can look for and implement all the tools for that ...

But I still can't see anything where we differ, as you've explained you are talking about acceptance, and I can imagine your practical side will win over the dejected side.... ?

Now if there are any "last inches" it's maybe you saying "your body is still being an a##hole".
First that sounds like your 'dejected' side rather than the acceptance 'compartment' or better the serenity of acceptance. But taking the swearing out of it, I'm guessing it means your body is still 'out of control' by 'not doing what your mind wants'. And your acceptance mode would be accepting that this is the case. What the others have said was maybe just a misunderstanding about that? Trying to point out though, that real acceptance in the acceptance 'compartment' would mean being kind to our body an not swearing at it, calling it names ...
and not separating mind from body since it's both part of 'me'. If that'd also been what you mean by compartmentalising then that'd again be the pushing thru talked about above.

Im not very good at explaining it sorry guys

I agree with cookiebaker that you've explained it very well and brought up a valuable point which is well worthing delving into.
I hope I've explained what I mean well enough myself...

Edit: I'm just going into a short-term "unexpected" flare up for a few hours.
Firstly I'm happy to be learning: I overdid it a bit Sunday, with apparently hardly a backlash yesterday, but still resting a lot, but just now I realized I need to be listening to my limits even more, yesterday and today. Also learning that cold showering the pain away may have caused the illusion that my body is OK, just because the pain sensation is reduced. This is something that often happens after acupuncture too. (BTW for me another reason to contend the 'central sensitisation hypothesis' for my fibro.)
Secondly I'm allowing myself to gently drift over into resting and acceptance mode.
Thirdly my mind is apologizing to my body for not being attentive, and my body understanding and forgiving my mind. No anger, no frustration, no sadness, just love love love. Yoga Nidra, Wim Hof breath-holding, then a cold shower, but no exercises or stretches, nothing that'll hurt the slightest.
That'll be a difference if you have and thus of course need to express frustration? And maybe blame it on your body?
The question for me would still be if it might be possible to work at being less frustrated and sad by slowly increasing the acceptance mode you already possess.

 

[cookiebaker]

Thanks CookieBaker, for me its definitely a compartmentalising function in that it allows me to accept the crappy days but still do all that i can to help myself even if(during flare) it may not help.
Weaning off medication is a drawn out and unpleasant experience, coming off venlafaxine i suffered severe vertigo symptoms which was very unpleasant. Prochlorperazine assisted with that side effect and is a medication you take as and when needed and can stop cold turkey when it isnt needed. I know its hard and feels like your adding something in but for me the prochlorperazine made the transition off the medication far less taxing(in whatever form the tax takes).

i would not really call my symptoms "severe", just not "normal", lol - somewhere in the middle of the two.. and slightly better this morning, will have to see how the day goes.
I am coming off Sertraline (aka Zoloft) which was prescribed for generalized anxiety, but i was only on 100mg - we tried going to 150 a couple months ago, but that did not go well, so came back down - probably a good thing at this point. My issue with it is that the undesirable effects (losing my hair, complete loss of any libido, dry, itchy skin, etc) are outweighing any benefit, so yeah.. time to get off it.

I think we all have our ways of coping with both the bad and the good.
For me, compartmentalizing tends to be more of a "put it away and dont think about it" kind of thing... like the feelings of rejection by "family" (dont worry, this is an OLD thing - have long ago accepted that I am the Black Sheep of the family) - they got put in a compartment and the compartment was closed so i didn't dwell in it and increase depression. Sure, the door cracks open every now and then, but not very far, so it is easy enough to close again. My father lives in another compartment - only met him once as an adult, and he turned out to be the jerk my mother said he was, so yup, close up that one, too. You know what they say - you cant choose your blood relatives... lol Past relationships have a compartment all their own.. and so on.

 

[hope23]

I think we all have our ways of coping with both the bad and the good.
For me, compartmentalizing tends to be more of a "put it away and dont think about it" kind of thing... like the feelings of rejection by "family" (dont worry, this is an OLD thing - have long ago accepted that I am the Black Sheep of the family) - they got put in a compartment and the compartment was closed so i didn't dwell in it and increase depression.

I think this is so valid, and for me, prior to getting sick i was a very active person(running, netbal and whatever else was going on). For me acceptance of not always having control over how my body is that day is its own draw and for the most part i can accept that that is just how things are for me and thats ok, but as you say there are times when that draw cracks open and i need to vent the frustration that despite doing all i can (and most if the time being ok that i dont have control over how my body feels due to FM) to make myself feel better or help myself at the end of the day it can still be a crummy day and you feel like crap.

 

[sunkacola]

You know, hope23, we all feel like that at times. Believe me, ( and I am the one always championing everyone to do what helps them and focus on that), I need to vent sometimes also. Sometimes I get really angry and need to find a healthy way to let that out which doesn't do any harm to anyone or anything. That's why we have a VENT forum! Feel free to use it at will. We all can relate to the frustration, I think.

I am really big into acceptance and Radical Acceptance, and have firm proof in my own life of how helpful that approach is. But I am still a flawed human being and sometimes it slips. When it does, the healthiest thing is a good healthy vent!

 

[hope23]

I think acceptance is such a challenge and its and its something to be worked on every single day, we arent perfect, we're human and thats ok. I admire those that reach true acceptance and to an extent strive for this myself, i am however aware of my own short comings. Among which being that, whilst i have read an astounding amount of research and heard huge successes through the practice of meditation. This has never been something i have managed, enjoyed or been able to invest in(this is my own shortcoming and am very aware of this). The best i manage is practising 'being in the moment' even if this is only for a minute or so. Again this is my own shortcoming but meditation has just not been something that i can invest in despite the large amount of research to show its benefits.
We all have our flaws and thats ok, we are not perfect and thats ok too.

 

[sunkacola]

Hope, I beg to differ with you about it being "your own shortcoming". I do not think it is a shortcoming at all, and would like to encourage you to see this differently.

Meditation is not a one-size-fits-all any more than any other thing is. It also is not the be-all and end-all and without it you have shortcomings, any more than being able to swim or not or any other specific thing determines your "shortcomings".

Meditation doesn't work for me either and that is certainly not a shortcoming of mine, just a way my brain works that is not conducive to meditation. I can (and do) do many other things that have much the same effect as meditation, and I have not found it necessary to meditate in order to learn to practice acceptance of all that is. Nope, I am not perfect at that....but no human being is perfect at anything.

The main thing is, are you doing what works for you, are you taking care of your health, are you getting support, are you learning to have acceptance of everything that is in this moment, and practicing that and doing your best.
If the answer is yes, you are doing well. Don't sell yourself short just because you don't happen to meditate.

 

[hope23]

Hope, I beg to differ with you about it being "your own shortcoming". I do not think it is a shortcoming at all, and would like to encourage you to see this differently.

Meditation is not a one-size-fits-all any more than any other thing is. It also is not the be-all and end-all and without it you have shortcomings, any more than being able to swim or not or any other specific thing determines your "shortcomings".

Meditation doesn't work for me either and that is certainly not a shortcoming of mine, just a way my brain works that is not conducive to meditation. I can (and do) do many other things that have much the same effect as meditation, and I have not found it necessary to meditate in order to learn to practice acceptance of all that is. Nope, I am not perfect at that....but no human being is perfect at anything.

The main thing is, are you doing what works for you, are you taking care of your health, are you getting support, are you learning to have acceptance of everything that is in this moment, and practicing that and doing your best.
If the answer is yes, you are doing well. Don't sell yourself short just because you don't happen to meditate.

Hi Sunkacola,
You are almost the first person who has agreed with me on this, meditation just isnt for me, my brain just doesnt work like that. I do all i can to help myself every day and doing the things that work for me.
I went through a pain clinic(which actually had no medical input and was essentially and education course more than anything). Meditation was hugely focused on and to a degree it felt like i was failing because it just isnt for me.

 

[hope23]

In all truth the only reason i even thought of it as a shortcoming is due to the focus placed on it in so many instances and the research around it.
Personally its just not for me and it has made me feel as though i was 'failing'(not quite the right word) due to not managing to meditate.

 

[sunkacola]

Sadly, this is often experienced by people who go to meditation classes or retreats or teachers. There is frequently an attitude that if meditation is not right for you, you are just not trying hard enough or have some failing.

I was lucky that my meditation teacher didn't see it that way and after I meditated for a full year every day without fail nd worked with him and tried everything he suggested and we had many conversations about it and I still did not fell it suited me (actually it was the worst time in my day for that whole year), he acknowledged that it just was not the right thing for me and didn't make me feel bad about it. Why anyone would want to make someone feel bad just because their way of having a spiritual practice or a relaxation technique, or whatever, didn't work for someone else, is beyond me. But you can let all that go now, and think of better things.

 

[hope23]

It does seem to be a common topic in regards to chronic illness(pain conditions) that meditation is something everyone should be doing and if you cant you either arent trying hard enough or arent doing it right.
Its honestly such a relief coming across another, who meditation just isnt right for. Its definitely not my thing, my brain just doesnt work that way.

 

[JayCS]

almost the first person who has agreed with me on this, meditation just isnt for me, my brain just doesnt work like that.

If it helps, then let me join in: It's hard for me too. I've improved in various kinds of relaxation instead.

 

[cookiebaker]

In all truth the only reason i even thought of it as a shortcoming is due to the focus placed on it in so many instances and the research around it.
Personally its just not for me and it has made me feel as though i was 'failing'(not quite the right word) due to not managing to meditate.

another one here that just cant seem to do the meditation thing...
if it works for those that do, that is great, but like you, it is not for me.. I just can not seem to turn the brain off enough to make it a viable thing

 

[hope23]

I just can not seem to turn the brain off enough to make it a viable thing

This is so me!! Even in the being present exercises i still attempt the length is always very short