G’day, new here

[Auriel]

Aw harpy I'm soooo glad things are looking a bit up a bit (it's been a challenging time for you at the moment with one thing after another) so nice if that guy to let you have free! , I'm also wondering if you have some ptsd regarding your grandson? if the reliving of things is just on certain days then that understandably makes perfect sense, but if its more that that and way more regular, I would see about checking if you have that, either way I hope things will continually be going on the up for you (I know it's been a hard few weeks)

 

[Harpy]

That’s it Auriel, it’s everyday. I think of that sweet bub all the time. If I do sleep I dream the same dream, he is crying in his cot and when I go to get him out, I can’t reach him to help. No matter what I do he’s too far and keeps moving down. I scream for help but no one comes . It’s always that dream. I wake up heart pounding and start crying.
I hear certain words of a song on the radio and I .
When I went to my MM dr to get new scrips (think I mentioned it in a post a week ago) She told me I had PTSD and depression and was writing a letter to my gp as she wants me on Cymbalta. I told her I am not depressed I am sad and carry a lot of guilt and blame. (It’s Big difference to me).
She said a large % of people who live with chronic pain such as mine have depression. A lot because of the pain and a lot of what we lose and things we can’t do anymore.
My gp appointment is on Thursday so I will see if he mentions it.
But yes my osteopath is wonderful and helps my pain level greatly. He is be best listener and can tell when I am not ok before I even speak.

 

[Auriel]

it really does sound like ptsd, (while antidepressants are used for depression (and ptsd) they don't always help all the other symptom of it , I don't know if anyone's offered you support groups (they should have) I've found some forums these can include grandparents that have lost babies 1 is bereavement uk (I know your in austrailia) another is called cake (odd name I know?) and according to the website this one, red nose (another strange name???) Is an Australian one, but your gps need to do more to help you (they should realise the symptoms of ptsd, but speak to them too cos suffering daily with things is not a nice way to live)

 

[Harpy]

Thanks Auriel, I have seen a psychologist twice. One actually said she knows how I feel. Oh no you don’t I told her. I asked her have you ever seen your daughters eyes while she was holding her bub for hours after he passed? Her eyes holding bubs is haunting me.
The other was ok. But omg you come out even more emotionally ruined than when you go in.
Yes Red Nose Day charity is great. That’s one we regularly donate too.
The dr at the hospital told us if we didn’t get to hospital when we did our bub would have passed in his sleep and SIDS would have been named as the cause of his death.
I agree it’s horrible living oh a high one minute then the next you want to SH to feel better.
I will see what my gp says .
thanks for caring.

 

[JayCS]

psychologist twice. One actually said she knows how I feel. Oh no you don’t I told her.

I definitely know what you mean: no one can know exactly that, no one carries your emotional pain.

But maybe it can help you feel more support if you remember that you also don't know how she may feel. For professional reasons she cannot share any of her pain with you. Asking them if they have experienced that or anything similar doesn't change that they have to remain "tough". But it's likely that the reason for her to become a psychologist was severe emotional pain, which may well have been abuse or other forms of PTSD. People seldom go into clinical psychology just for fun.
Maybe she was being pretentious and it was just a phrase. But I doubt it - maybe it was true.
Psychologists are trained to reflect what they're saying, but they're also only human, trying to help. So it might be the same as if someone you can assess well says it - but it needn't be.

But you were expressing how excruciating your emotional pain is, like worse than anyone else's.
And she will know that and not take it personally, even if she was thinking (or for professional reasons desperately trying not to think): "If only you knew...."

Again, I'm not trying to illustrate the other side to say you were somehow "wrong" in thinking that in this situation about this person, she may have been "terrible", without empathy (which wouldn't however necessarily prove that she hasn't had such severe emotional pain).
I'm just trying to encourage people to see psychologists generally in a better light, for mutual benefit.

I really do hope you find a psychologist that "works for you"!

 

[Auriel]

Red nose is the name of the website hun, (and it's a day, I donate too ) xxx

 

[Auriel]

I found the red tree foundation (that "is" australia) that might be a better option

 

[Harpy]

JayCs, in some ways I get what your saying. If indeed she has had a similar experience or being qualified, she should know what to say.
I know everyone’s who has experienced the death of a baby is so individual, no two deaths are the same , no one knows what one has gone through. They could Atleast phase it differently.
Even what I went through I said I couldn’t imagine what your going through.
I actually had a person say to me
“ he is in a better place”
What the actual *#+,. Oh boy I lost it. I actually cussed a few times and in short I told this lady “ there’s no better place, he should be with his mum.
What a cold horrible thing to say.
My gp may recommend a psychologist again, we will see. but at $180 a visit . So do I sit and pour my heart out and not buy food that week?

 

[Auriel]

Oh my goodness, harpy, some of the things people have said to you , I think your gp is sending you to the wrong people (the fact you have to fund it yourself is shocking also) but the red tree foundation might be able to get you in touch with people that'll be more empathetic of what you've experienced and the emotional impact it's had/,it's having on you

 

[Harpy]

Our Medicare system is awesome but I don’t have health cover to cover those other appointments.
I am on income protection and am trying to live on $250 a week. It don’t go far at all. I get my care plan on Thursday so when I go to gp I will get my 5 free appointments for osteopath.
While I am up by myself I will Google red tree.

 

[cookiebaker]

I am so sorry for your loss - even if it has been a while ago - and wish there was something I could do to give you comfort.

I actually had a person say to me
“ he is in a better place”

to some, Heaven is a "better place" and that phrase is often used as a coping mechanism for that person - but I have to agree with you that it does seem rather out of place in this context.

Does not really matter what you call it - depression, PTSD, whatever - the fact is you need to address it, and SH is not the way to do that. SH is a physical manifestation of the emotional pain. Of course you are sad over what happened, who wouldn't be? And there is nothing wrong with admitting depression - I have it, and a bet a lot of others here do as well. The definition of depression is persistent sadness and a lack of interest or pleasure in previously rewarding or enjoyable activities. Sleep issues are common with depression as well..
There are more appropriate ways of coping with these feelings and I urge you to talk to your GP and get a plan of action in place. There has to be a way to get the help you need without costing you an arm & a leg or making you go hungry, and I bet your GP can help you with those resources.
a couple of years ago while at an appointment, I broke down and specifically asked for someone to talk to - I was feeling so overwhelmed with the physical problems and the emotional baggage they come with that I just didnt know what to do or how to cope anymore... it was from that asking for help that I met a great counselor that helped me tremendously... Granted, she was a resident, and eventually moved on, but while she was there, I got the help I needed at the time I needed it.
To be fair - I really do need to find someone to replace her - it has been over a year since she left that clinic and lately i could really use a bit of extra help, but just the thought of doing that right now is simply exhausting..... and here i go sounding like a hypocrite.. do as i say, not as i do..

 

[Harpy]

I am so sorry for your loss - even if it has been a while ago - and wish there was something I could do to give you comfort.

Thanks just getting to chat here helps and knowing you guys are caring is helping.

seem rather out of place in this context.

Yes definitely said at the wrong time.

Does not really matter what you call it - depression, PTSD, whatever - the fact is you need to address it, and SH is not the way to do that. SH is a physical manifestation of the emotional pain. Of course you are sad over what happened, who wouldn't be? And there is nothing wrong with admitting depression - I have it, and a bet a lot of others here do as well. The definition of depression is persistent sadness and a lack of interest or pleasure in previously rewarding or enjoyable activities. Sleep issues are common with depression as well..

Ok I do agree, I will take the persistent sadness.
But it’s definitely not lake of interest in enjoyable activities, I love what I could do before this pain. I was never still. I do believe it’s alot of this never ending pain, if it stayed on an even keel I could deal with it . Not when it hurts so bad you struggle to pick up a coffee.
Now I watch everyone else do those enjoyable things.
I was playing chase with my one year old grandson yesterday ( nothing better than a baby giggle when you catch em) and now still in bed as I am hurting so bad. But will get up I need those few pills.

To be fair - I really do need to find someone to replace her - it has been over a year since she left that clinic and lately i could really use a bit of extra help, but just the thought of doing that right now is simply exhausting..... and here i go sounding like a hypocrite.. do as i say, not as i do..

I will see what my gp says on Thursday I will take the Cymbalta if prescribed I will ask for a mental health plan and make appointments to see the nicer psychologist .
No your definitely not a hypocrite cookiebaker.
Thank you all so much for listening to my whining

 

[cookiebaker]

I do believe it’s alot of this never ending pain, if it stayed on an even keel I could deal with it . Not when it hurts so bad you struggle to pick up a coffee.
Now I watch everyone else do those enjoyable things.

oh, i can definitely relate!!
watching everyone else do the things we used to enjoy doing makes it that much harder, for sure!

I hope you & your GP are able to find a solution that works for you without leaving you financially broke. and if you ever need a shoulder in between, please dont hesitate to ask.

No your definitely not a hypocrite cookiebaker.

thank you for saying that. i still feel like one tho... so, in order to correct that, I promise I will start looking myself.

 

[Harpy]

I am truely grateful finding this forum. It has been a minding saving forum that’s for sure.
No you don’t need to thank me, your one a the few on here that are quick to respond to help people.
I know the time things a bugger but there’s always a comforting reply waiting for us when we need it. The knowledge and information you guys have has really has helped me on a few occasions when I am at my tethers end.
But for today I will be fine, my 7 yo grandson is off school with a sore throat, so I definitely will be distracted from my head today lol this boy was born talking
Good day to you all

 

[Harpy]

Another stinking hot day here .
Not much will get done at all, be a day trying to stay cool.
Hey guys have any of you eaten pine nuts for the health ? I didn’t realise the health benefits were so good and in 38% of people it has proven to help keep you from getting hungry and helped in weight loss.
IT’s recommended that eating just a shot glass full in your breakfast or blended in your smoothie of a morning .
My question is do these nuts contribute to high pain levels? as I am about to try eating these to get my cholesterol levels down.