emotional hell

[ArnoldJRimmer]

Im sort of an oddball guy. ive always tried to live up to the image of a tough guy, the white knight and all.
even though iv actually been the shy kid, the quiet one.

overall, emotions were normal untill my body decided to wear out. now i feel i have no control over anything.
depression runs wild.
i have a friend and i find i simply adore her and want to spend every waking moment i can with her. well as you imagine thats quite crowding and she has her own issues to deal with so she has pushed away a bit ..well a lot lately because i simply couldnt give her room.

my pain has made me a complainer and since it wasnt diagnosed, it wasnt completely believed. she finally admitted that she feels i dont actually try to be better. that its constantly "if i do this it will help" (never does tho)
anyway, ive felt i was losing her for a while now. feeding into that was this raw panic emotionally that ive never felt before. every curt respose made me tense and hurt more.

we are taking a break from each other...part of me feels its permanent and that she is simply done with me.

i bring this up as while reading up on fibro i found lots of others who have "emotional fibro" where its not just physical pain that runs wild, but emotions are more intense.
seeing it has helped a bit.. i dont feel like my brain is simply broken but that this is a part of the fibro.

as to my friend, i hope i can get her back. she really was my support for a long time and i miss her terribly.

 

[Forgetmenot]

Can I just say I love your name. Lol I just got a signed photo oh ace rimmer .
Now look here young man .or old man ,being depressed because of this illness is probably the number one fibro complaint.
This illness consumes you.
It can take years to learn to just get on with things ,without moaning your head off.
I'd start off by asking my dr for some help with the depression. That will make life so much more comfy.
Then u can work on the rest.
What do u take for your pain?
What can u do ,and can't do now?
And stick around as having support can really help them dark days. Someone will always replie . chin up AJ . Btw I hope your name is after red dwarf or I am going to look stupid.

 

[DK_engineer]

I'm with Forgetmenot on this one - love your user name. Also, forgetmenot has great advice

In my experience it was important for me to learn to stand on my own before I could build a good relationship with my partner in life. My time living alone was sometimes isolated and hard, but was also strengthening and intensely free. I had much more confidence after that experience.

Forgetmenot is right - see if your doctor can help you with the depression. Don't give up - sometimes it takes several tries to find the right treatment.

 

[Forgetmenot]

Can relate to the stiffness ,I only have to sit down for an hour ,and I can heady move,I to can walk.i can do most things .but I pay for it next day.
I can also relate to being rimmer.but I'm sure one day you will feel like ace.so don't give up or give in.
Btw everytime I see your name now I get the rimmer song stuck in my head.the one with the little dancing rimmers.

 

[Forgetmenot]

See now it's stuck in my head again lol .at least u cheered me up. My arms are killing me today x

 

[Nireno]

My emotions, at least all my negative ones are so amplified with fibro, I'm super sensitive to everything so I can relate to what you're saying. I find the normals really can't relate usually. I use to be terrified of being alone. When I was told I'd be alone in the house my anxiety would spike and I felt horrible anxiety until someone came home. Or I'd stay with friends for days. Finally for the first time since forever I am actually enjoying my own company. I keep busy doing things I enjoy and the day goes by so fast. I am hoping this might the beginning of a regression of symptoms now that I actually found out what was wrong with me. The lack of knowing what was making me sick was driving me insane. And I fretted about having friends and losing friends, and maybe accidently pissing them off by saying the wrong thing that I was anxious to be around them frankly. I made the decision to cut off contact with my best friend. I thought it would devastate me but surprisingly it made me feel more self confident and peaceful. I don't have to put up with his abuse constantly call me not sick just a 'lazy hypochondriac' he felt he needed to critisize my life daily. I told him I was trying to rest and get better. He would spin it that I 'have no friends' and that I should stop thinking about being sick because it wasn't real anyway and that he hurt on a daily basis. He'd say things like my finger hurts a little 'see everyone is in pain quit making it out like it's a big deal' Personally I think he's having a breakdown and is taking it out on the only person that would talk to him..me! Now there's no worries about upsetting people. I keep in touch with people and go out only if I want to I no longer feel like I have to go out and now I dont stress about whether I will loose their friendship or not. Only the ones worth my friendship stick around. And if they're upsetting me, I take a nice long break from them. Ok too much typing...it's the coffee. Night everyone hope everyone had a healthier day.