Do you always keep fibro and other health issues to yourself?

[terbaer]

You guys are making me laugh. Thank you for that....My mother has always told me I wear my emotions and trust on my sleeve. I trust and have always trusted, too easily. I believe people care about me as much as I care and are interested in them. That is so not the case. This illness has truly opened my eyes, and hurt my feelings tremendously because I've been there for my friends in their time of need and don't feel they've been there for me. I've tried to let it go and have talked to a few about it. One is very much like me....We're like dudes...we want to fix things when they aren't right. Well, I was honest and called her on her "avoidance". She admitted it, but said it breaks her heart to see me so ill. She doesn't know how to make it better. I told her it is my life and told her I wanted her in it, but we didn't need to talk about my illness. It was like a dam broke. She apologized and said it wasn't that she didn't want to hear, it was because she wanted me healthy and couldn't help. She now checks in with me regularly. She has stuff going on that I give advice on and we're getting back to normal. A few others? Question? "How are you doing!?, pat reply, "I'm fine thanks."...Response, "Great! I'm so glad to hear that!"....

And ya, don't ever ask someone in the checkout line how they are! I break out in a sweat sometimes if I have to stand too long. Or need to sit down. They're bored stiff and you're their therapist! Of course they want to tell you how they are....Suggest they get a haircut (then they can unload on their stylist). Oh shoot, then they'd think you were being unkind....LOL

 

[mariposa]

I believe people care about me as much as I care and are interested in them. That is so not the case. This illness has truly opened my eyes, and hurt my feelings tremendously because I've been there for my friends in their time of need and don't feel they've been there for me.

I agree with what your friend said... it's really often a matter of (1) feeling bad that they can't help or (2) not knowing what to say. That's a lot different than not caring.

And ya, don't ever ask someone in the checkout line how they are! I break out in a sweat sometimes if I have to stand too long.

:lol: Yep, yep... learned this one WAY too many times. You'd think I'd remember after being burned so often... but it's a rote response after someone says hi or good morning... "Good morning to you, too! How are ya?" That's the moment when the "Oh no, what have I done?!" hits me. ONLY for strangers, though... if it's a friend or family member and I ask how they are, I do truly want to know and it's never rote in those cases.

 

[jrk1288]

For me it depends who asks, I'm honest with my boyfriend about how I'm feeling, and I share a decent amount with my good friends. I'll tell my coworkers/family if I'm having a particularly bad day, and I always just tell strangers I'm fine. I've learned (like many others on here) that I can't ask strangers how they're doing, or even comment that their dog/baby/outfit/whatever is cute, or a lot of the time I will know far more than I ever wanted to about them. This lesson came to me when I was a cashier as a teenager and told some lady her baby was adorable, and she went into detail about how painful her episiotomy was before telling me to never have kids....luckily I'm not squeamish.

 

[mariposa]

For me it depends who asks, I'm honest with my boyfriend about how I'm feeling, and I share a decent amount with my good friends.

I think this is important, too... my answer was originally about mere acquaintances and strangers. Like if my hubby, daughter, parents, sibs, etc. ask how I am for whatever issue, I'll tell them of course.

But just the generic "how are you?" from someone I work with, a neighbor, or a stranger... nope, they always get the "great, thanks" from me.

This lesson came to me when I was a cashier as a teenager and told some lady her baby was adorable, and she went into detail about how painful her episiotomy was before telling me to never have kids....luckily I'm not squeamish.

Oh *MYYY!* This is so funny... and definitely tops my grocery checker's tale of her gall bladder surgery with a high level of TMI. :smile:

 

[terbaer]

Hahahahahaha! Too funny.....

 

[Trellum]

I believe people care about me as much as I care and are interested in them. That is so not the case. This illness has truly opened my eyes, and hurt my feelings tremendously because I've been there for my friends in their time of need and don't feel they've been there for me.

It really hurts when it happens I lost a lot friends when I got sick because no one liked I no longer felt in the mood to go out with them when I wanted. I was in constant pain and they wanted me to act like I wasn't. I say good riddance

It's good you talked about that with your friend, whenever I feel hurt about something I have an open conversation with my SO, sometimes it helps sometimes it just doesn't Ah, but it's better to cross your arms and do nothing :lol:

 

[terbaer]

I'm getting okay with it....I've been to a counselor a number of times. She's a great person and so wise. She said I had to take the time to mourn the loss of what I was able to do. I am working on that. Most days I'm okay. It's the unable to work that's dragging me down. Well, maybe a little more than that, but you get the picture....

I am now prioritizing what I do and when I go out (If I'm able). I've had to turn down some really special get togethers. I'm trying HARD not to do that anymore. Ya, I think they don't think we should be in pain so it isn't real. Well folks, it certainly is. It sounds like your SO is supportive. Sure makes it bearable sometimes. My hubby is very supportive but I know what you mean. Sometimes it doesn't always make it better, but having that shoulder to cry on sure helps. It's brought a new dimension to our relationship. Thank you for your support and comments.....

 

[katydid]

It really hurts when it happens I lost a lot friends when I got sick because no one liked I no longer felt in the mood to go out with them when I wanted. I was in constant pain and they wanted me to act like I wasn't. I say good riddance

It's good you talked about that with your friend, whenever I feel hurt about something I have an open conversation with my SO, sometimes it helps sometimes it just doesn't Ah, but it's better to cross your arms and do nothing :lol:

I've lost a lot of "friends" too... I've got one best friend and 3 good friends, that's it. The only lyrics of each I talk openly with is my best friend because she just gets it and doesn't get sick of it, doesn't judge me, doesn't try to shove treatment ideas down my throat, and doesn't mind staying in to watch a movie or if I cancel last minute because she loves me no matter what. Thank God for her, I really think I'd lose it if I didn't have someone besides my mom to talk to! Lol nothing against mom, she totally understands too because she has chronic pain issues too but it's mom... Lol

Its lonely tho I must admit. I'm only looking in my mid 20s and really resent having these issues because I can't do anything normal like I used to... I'm really afraid to start dating again too because who would want to put up with this? What guy wants a broken girl? How do you explain it to someone new I your life withoutscaring them off? And iI can't keep pretending 24/7 because it's exhausting trying to put my brave/happy/im fine face on.....

 

[youngnova]

I understand where you're coming from, Trellum. I always been sort of a loner, so keeping things to myself comes natural. It's only a few people I go to when I feel the need to talk about important stuff, such as my health, career, relationships, finances, etc., and even then I only do so when I feel that keeping whatever it is that's bothering me bottled up will start to stress me out.

Bottom line is, most people have their own worries and problems to deal with and always putting your problems on other people can be somewhat of a burden on them.

 

[terbaer]

I'm really afraid to start dating again too because who would want to put up with this? What guy wants a broken girl? How do you explain it to someone new I your life without scaring them off? And I can't keep pretending 24/7 because it's exhausting trying to put my brave/happy/im fine face on.....

Katie-opny, I'm so sorry you are going through this at such a young age. What you have to do is not think about the illness and just get to know people. Nothing heavy and let it happen. If it's the right guy, it won't matter. Introduce your illness(s) as they need to be brought to light. That's why the first 6 months to 1 year are called "the honeymoon stage". Even the most healthy person has things they may not want to reveal and is putting on a brave/happy face when they first meet someone.

Many guys and gals have relationships with people who have significant health issues or other crazy quirks. I'm married to a crazy quirk guy and he's married to a broken girl....Hang in there.... :-D

 

[jrk1288]

Katie-opny, I can relate a lot to what you said. I'm also in my mid-20s and I'm missing out on so much because I don't have energy. I can't go out often, I have a couple friends who are constantly bugging me to meet for a drink, and most of the things I love doing involve being active. As far as the dating thing goes, it is possible to find someone-you may have a harder time but in the end it will be rewarding because you'll know this person really cares for you. The best thing to do is be up front about it, and if it scares them off, no big deal-they probably would have left anyway for something stupid and now you've saved yourself the trouble of getting attached and having to get over them. In the end, they'll fall in love with you, not your illness.

 

[katydid]

Thanks terbaer and jrk1288! This is really such a great community and I really appreciate knowing others get it and understand! It's just hard trying to commit to doing things/activities, like my friend wants me to meet her guy friend, she thinks we will hit it off, well they were going to go bowling, I had to tell her sorry I couldn't because I can't bowl... It wouldn't be a good idea at all! Lol and I don't want to just sit there and look like a priss or a Debbie downer for not participating lol... It's just hard....

 

[CrystalMarie]

Yes. I have a big issue with people trying to handicap me because I have something wrong with my body. It makes me feel like I am weak when people have pity for my situation. I try to keep it under radar unless it is close friends and family members.

 

[Trellum]

Crysta, it can also be tough when those around you don't take your pain seriously. But it's also annoying when they have pity on your situation. Back in 2010 when they thought I had kidney cancer, there were a to people who pity me in a way that made me feel so uncomfortable! All because my youth and the awful diagnosis. Awful situation, specially if you are not the kind of person who likes that kind of attention.

 

[Trellum]

I understand where you're coming from, Trellum. I always been sort of a loner, so keeping things to myself comes natural. It's only a few people I go to when I feel the need to talk about important stuff, such as my health, career, relationships, finances, etc., and even then I only do so when I feel that keeping whatever it is that's bothering me bottled up will start to stress me out.

Bottom line is, most people have their own worries and problems to deal with and always putting your problems on other people can be somewhat of a burden on them.

Hi Youngnova! I totally agree with you! When I was younger I just didn't stop to think about how putting your worries out there could actually be a burden to others. I have a very close friend of mine I tell everything to, I try to be careful tho, because I know he also needs to vent. So I'm so careful to actually lend my friend a ear when he needs it