Do you always keep fibro and other health issues to yourself?

[Trellum]

Today I was thinking about a question I hear almost on a daily basis: How are you? I have learnt to kinda dislike this question over the years, because most of the people who ask you this don't really want to know how you really are, but in order to remain civil and polite they do so.

It took me a while to understand this, and that's why I got into several really awkward conversations and situations. I thought: ''I fine, I should never be brutally honest with my acquaintances'', but I was wrong, because you are not supposed to talk about this kind of things with family and friends too often either. Yup, at first they might seem so supportive and nice, but believe me, if you keep being brutally honest they will start dreading it.

I know some people have a great family/friend based support system, but you surely know what I mean by now. I decided than even tho my family and friends are ok with me talking about this sometimes... it's better to keep my aches to myself. I do talk about my worries with my mom, but that's it!

I never talk about this with my SO or friends anymore because most of the times they don't know how to react and end up saying things I wish they hadn't said! At least that's how it has been in my experience. Plus, I don't want to be a burden to anyone, I realize everyone has their own issues, even the folks who have no health issues... they have issues of a different nature.

What about you guys? Do you keep all this to yourself? Does it makes it easier for you or harder?

 

[Takedon]

I don't like to talk about them, unless somebody asks me. I'm very open to my disease in this situation, but I usually try to avoid it as much as possible.

 

[mariposa]

I found out a long time ago that often "how are you?" is just a pleasantry the same as "nice day, isn't it?!" Said out of rote. Soooo... basically when I'm not feeling well, I just answer "great, how 'bout you?" and then the conversation is over.

I think that even with the best family or friend support system on the planet, people still don't know what to say and that puts them in an awkward situation as well as the other person.

So anyhow, bottom line, even if I just pulled a shoulder muscle and am in horrid pain, I'll just say "great, how 'bout you?" That's because I realized that even if I'd talk about the shoulder pain, they couldn't do a thing about it and I DETEST sympathy and pity, so... that's just the personal choice I've made in dealing with illness or pain issues.

You asked if it makes it easier or harder. Definitely easier in my case. I don't like awkward situations so I try to not create them myself. I had an aunt who was the dearest soul in the world and (I am now ashamed of this) years ago I had to be careful not to ask how she was because I was always given the rundown of ailments and I stood there not having a clue what to say. I have made the choice to not put others into the same situation.

I realize other opinions here may (and probably will!) vary, but that's my 2 1/2 cents.

 

[Siderea]

I'm open and honest about my health when someone specifically asks about it, but I also don't like spending my precious little energy explaining my situation to people. When people who know my situation ask how I am I honestly say, "I'm OK, I'm managing." They usually accept that and that's the end. When someone doesn't know my situation and asks how I am, I say I'm doing well enough. I keep things positive, but I'm a terrible liar so I can't say "great."

I honestly prefer not to talk about it with anyone other than my husband or parents or this forum. It is too tiring. When talking to other people I like to pretend to be normal and talk about stuff other than me.

 

[catlady]

just fine, how are you? Then you get to listen about their problems, deflects from you. I find people whether they are family or not they do not understand fibromyalgia,

 

[Trellum]

Hehehe, same here! I have so many aches... but I know I'm supposed to always reply with a ''fine, thank you! And you?''. *Sigh*, I wish our society was different... every time I reply with a ''fine'' I feel like the biggest fattest liar ever!

 

[Trellum]

I'm open and honest about my health when someone specifically asks about it, but I also don't like spending my precious little energy explaining my situation to people. When people who know my situation ask how I am I honestly say, "I'm OK, I'm managing." They usually accept that and that's the end. When someone doesn't know my situation and asks how I am, I say I'm doing well enough. I keep things positive, but I'm a terrible liar so I can't say "great."

I honestly prefer not to talk about it with anyone other than my husband or parents or this forum. It is too tiring. When talking to other people I like to pretend to be normal and talk about stuff other than me.

Same here! I also say ''just fine'', because I'm a terrible liar and wouldn't feel well saying ''I'm great! and you?''. LOL. I dread that question to be honest, every time I say ''fine'' it sounds so fake and forced, but what other choice do we have? I try to keep it positive as well, but I can't lie and say I'm doing super duper, lol. I tell my mom often

You are lucky you can talk about this with your husband, I never talk about this with my SO because he isn't as understanding and supporting as my mom. Glad to be part of this forum

 

[Trellum]

I found out a long time ago that often "how are you?" is just a pleasantry the same as "nice day, isn't it?!" Said out of rote. Soooo... basically when I'm not feeling well, I just answer "great, how 'bout you?" and then the conversation is over.

I think that even with the best family or friend support system on the planet, people still don't know what to say and that puts them in an awkward situation as well as the other person.

So anyhow, bottom line, even if I just pulled a shoulder muscle and am in horrid pain, I'll just say "great, how 'bout you?" That's because I realized that even if I'd talk about the shoulder pain, they couldn't do a thing about it and I DETEST sympathy and pity, so... that's just the personal choice I've made in dealing with illness or pain issues.

You asked if it makes it easier or harder. Definitely easier in my case. I don't like awkward situations so I try to not create them myself. I had an aunt who was the dearest soul in the world and (I am now ashamed of this) years ago I had to be careful not to ask how she was because I was always given the rundown of ailments and I stood there not having a clue what to say. I have made the choice to not put others into the same situation.

I realize other opinions here may (and probably will!) vary, but that's my 2 1/2 cents.

I had a similar experience with my grandma, she was a chronic complainer, so is my mom So yeah, I know what is like to be given the rundown of ailments, specially by my grandma, who in the end died of liver cancer.

In my opinion you are doing the right thing I'm sure a lot folks over here do that as well. I avoid talking about this with people in general... even my relatives or friends. And if I do say something is really short, just to take it off my chest and then I change the topic... usually when I talk with my best friend

In general I just lie and say ''fine'', trying to get over with that as soon as possible... I honestly like dislike that question so much because it reminds me I'm not fine and I'm lying so badly every time they ask how I'm doing. Love it when they don't ask how I'm doing, lol.

 

[Trellum]

I don't like to talk about them, unless somebody asks me. I'm very open to my disease in this situation, but I usually try to avoid it as much as possible.

Same here. If someone asks me then I tell them everything they want to know, but not more info than I should! I just tell them what they need to know and that's it; I tend not to give way too many details.

 

[mariposa]

just fine, how are you? Then you get to listen about their problems, deflects from you. I find people whether they are family or not they do not understand fibromyalgia,

This made me giggle. Why? Because just this morning at WalMart, I thought of you guys here at the forum. Checker said "how are you today?" and I answered with my usual "great, how 'bout you?" thinking I could just check out and move on to the other million tasks I had to get done within the next hour.

BUT! She started telling me what all's wrong in HER life... things a stranger really didn't need to know, ya know? There's a checker in my other store who loves talking about her surgeries. Like TMI to the max! I have a very tough time pulling away from those situations, so there I stood.

I think I may need to change my strategy and do the "great" without the "how 'bout you?" added.... gets me into trouble. hehe I should say that I'm not a mean person... I stood there and listened and made the proper responses... and had true compassion as always. It can get awkward, though, when it's not friend or family.

 

[mariposa]

Same here. If someone asks me then I tell them everything they want to know, but not more info than I should! I just tell them what they need to know and that's it; I tend not to give way too many details.

That's what I think is best, too... especially to strangers. I changed my stance on this the day I had to listen to ALL the gory details about a stranger's "gall bladder surgery gone wrong" for 12 or 15 minutes without a visible escape route.

 

[Takedon]

Same here. If someone asks me then I tell them everything they want to know, but not more info than I should! I just tell them what they need to know and that's it; I tend not to give way too many details.

I usually give away a few details if the respective person is interested, but I use my common sense to figure that out.

 

[Trellum]

That's good, someone ought to be thoughtful and considerate, hehe! When I was younger I was naive enough to think those who asked me about my health really wanted to know, but in fact they rarely did. As a result I spoke too much and said things I shouldn't say, lol.

 

[Trellum]

That's what I think is best, too... especially to strangers. I changed my stance on this the day I had to listen to ALL the gory details about a stranger's "gall bladder surgery gone wrong" for 12 or 15 minutes without a visible escape route.

Hahaha, same here! I didn't know how awful it was until I had it done to me, I then realized that listening to someone talking about this kind of things and not keeping a single detail to themselves was just a no no. Lol, to think when I was younger I thought it was ok, but truth is no one wants to listen to that, not even the relatives.

 

[katydid]

Lol I think this is something we all have in common.... You learn to keep it bottled up inside. The people who genuinely care, don't have to ask, they can see your pain written all over your face (even when you think you're doing a good job at hiding it!) lol.
It's common knowledge at my work that I have health issues, I mean we have hundreds of employees, but pretty much everyone who knows my name knows I'm not in great shape... When someone asks me how im doing, I reply "well, I'm here!, how about you?" giggle and keep it moving..... But like I said, the small handful of people who really know me and actually care, can look at me and say "you're not having a good day, are you....." and I know that they don't want to hear every little detail, so I keep it light... But a few of them will tell me "don't sugar coat it for me...." or "don't lie to me, I'm not blind!"
There's this one lady... A wretched mean thing she is... I walk with a limp sometimes... I try to hide it the best I can, but some days, I just can't... Now, I'm only in my mid 20s, so people think it's for attention and that I'm milking it, but let me tell you, it's not cute! Lol. Anyways, this mean old lady, if she sees me limping, she makes it a point to ask me "what's wrong it you" or she will say (this is my favorite), "what's wrong with you now?...." and she says it in the snottiest tone I've ever heard! I just reply "oh, bad pain day" or "nothing". I can tell she gets a kick out of trying to point it out... It used to irritate me a lot, but I just brush it off now... Some people are just really ignorant....