Day 33

Seems like ages since I have shared anything. Life is moving a bit more smoothly since the move, but nights are the worse time. Mom does not sleep most nights but spends the time talking to herself. Sometimes she is in a wake like state and other times she is in a awake dreamlike state. I have had to stop her several times from wanting to leave in the night to go home. When I tell her she is already home she gets angry and does not believe me.

I must tell you my friends this hurts to have my mom not able to realize she is at home and often not know me. I tell myself over and over, it is the disease, but it does not stop the loneliness or the wanting to have a good conversation with her again.

Anyways, the lack of sleep makes my brain fog worse and I am so tired in longing for a good nights sleep. Sleeping with one ear listening for sounds of movement does not aloud for restful sleep. OH, but I will stop complaining now and add some cheerfulness in this blog post.

I am getting repairs done to the house and today had a bird feeder put up for the enjoyment of my mother. It was no sooner fulled than blue jays were fighting over the seed. I do hope that it does not attract any bears. We are willing to share some with our friendly chipmunk that lives under the back porch however.

And lastly I am getting a chance to do more cooking and made some yummy apple dumplings the other day. I must be careful that I don't get fat from too many sweets.

I do hope the stress of caring for mom does not throw me into a serious flare. Being weak and fatigued would be a real mess, as my days are fulled with constantly helping her do everything. Some days I want to quit, but then I force myself to just keep going and my depression lifts and my mood improves as I smile taking life one day at a time.

Till next time I hope you all have good days and nights. :)