1sweed's blog

Well I am back and trying to post a bit more. It has been a wild ride trying to manage my house on my own and dealing with bills.
The weather is warming up and I am getting outside more. My yard is full of wildflowers and a few tulips are popping up everywhere.
Been working on this house trying to clean it out and fix it up. I tore out the very old carpets and am patching wall board holes and getting a bedroom ready for me.
I work on it a few hours a day then lose energy and have to sit and rest for long periods of time.

Well it has been awhile since I updated my blog and decided to share with you what I have been up too.
At first after mom was gone I tried spending more time away from home enjoying the great outdoors before bad weather set in. Then I started cleaning house again trying to get more things in order in case we had to sell the house. But my brother had a better plan for me and he turned the house over to me so I am the proud owner of a old house with major fix-ups needed.

This will be the last post about my dear mother, for she died on September 17th. The last week of hospice was very hard to watch and do as my mom slowly died. She was comfortable but it was a very painful thing to have to do. All her children held her as she took her last breath. It is going to hurt for a long time.

My fibro has been making standing and walking very hard. I will post more later.:(

Well my blog has suffered from lack of time lately. My mom's condition has gotten worse and she is now on hospice. Even being in bed there is constant work to be done in housework as well as, feeding her and making foods she can swallow. Changing and re-changing her and her bed, and giving meds and other personal needs.

I bet you all have wondered what is happening with me. Well my eye surgery is over but still waiting on my new glasses to cure my double vision which makes typing really hard.
But my sad news is my mom is now bedridden due to a bad accident. A fall or push that caused injury to her muscles and has caused terrible pain. We are working with physical therapy trying to decrease her pain and get her walking again. I have extra help coming in around the clock caring for her as I can not do heavy lifting thanks to fibro, costing a pretty penny, lots of money.

Last week on the 10th of March, I had my first eye surgery. One down and one to go. Having cataract surgery is not an easy time, it is painful and makes touching the area around the eye nearly impossible. Thus for a week you must wear a plastic shield held on by sticky tape that's residue sticks with you long after the shield is no longer needed, as well as, after scrubbing the face several times.

Well here I go again talking about my mother. Sorry if this topic is not what you expected, but for me this blog clears my mind of the scary thoughts and hardships of life while I care for her each day.

Yesterday, I had the biggest scare of my life when she got upset about a minor thing and completely shut down her brain, by going inside herself. I thought at first she was just sleeping but she would not wake up or open her eyes. Then the thought of a TIA, came to me, but that proved to be false. She had said to me nothing matters anymore and I am going away now.

Last night and today it finally snowed. The last few weeks have been bouts of cold with freezing rain and no snow. Our basement floor had water rising from all the seepage from the water logged soil. I built a board bridge across the worse part only for the ability to reach the dryer. But the boards were starting to float. I am praying that the water will start to drain away now that we have snow.

Of late I feel as if I am going in circles and the stress of it is wearing me down. In the summer and early fall my days off from caring for mom were spent shopping or visiting a friend for a few hours. Now that winter is upon us my free time is spent in the kitchen cooking up soft foods that contain healthy foods for mom and her colitis digestive health problems. Four days spent in hospital due to bleeding and now still trying to adjust to menu changes and now she has had two mini strokes (TIA's) in less than a week and spent another four days in hospital.

Seems like ages since I have shared anything. Life is moving a bit more smoothly since the move, but nights are the worse time. Mom does not sleep most nights but spends the time talking to herself. Sometimes she is in a wake like state and other times she is in a awake dreamlike state. I have had to stop her several times from wanting to leave in the night to go home. When I tell her she is already home she gets angry and does not believe me.