So low so sad

[DK_engineer]

I think maybe it is related to neuroplasticity. The more you do something, the better you get at doing it, causing measurable changes in the brain. Spending a long time in a situation where you don't feel safe can train the mind to be hypervigilant.

Chronic pain is one of the things that has been shown to make measurable changes to the brain. It is a chicken and egg situation - did the negative thoughts cause pain or did the pain cause negative thoughts?

I frequently find myself reviewing negative memories and thinking about how I might have handled the situation differently. I think this is actually an impulse toward problem solving. That's ok if I'm trying to solve a heat transfer problem, but it just doesn't work if I'm trying to solve the problem of someone I consider a friend losing it and bellowing orders at me in my own kitchen. That's not the kind of problem that can be solved by careful analysis, and trying to solve it just keeps me immersed in negative emotions.

Sometimes I try to explain to people that fibromyalgia is like all the control loops in your body are detuned. Badly tuned control loops can lead to outputs that are unresponsive at one end of the spectrum or unstable at the other. I think I'm starting to ramble now - i didn't get much sleep this weekend, i apologize if I am not making sense. This discussion has been very thought provoking.

PS. Getemgirl, you are someone I would really enjoy working with. I dislike bullies and admire integrity.

 

[diamond]

Hi Dk...yes i have a tendancy to go over negative emotional situations and fail to move on.

MY feelings get stuck as if i keep going over it somehow i can change it...i am naturally kind and beat myself up for any thing i look back at and think I shouldn't have done/said that and hurt way toooooo much over anything others do or say that hurts me or a minor criticm.....this has got worse since I have fibro.



It is a personality flaw i should have learnt to fix by now. Some of it is genetic and the rest is how you were treated in childhood i think that lay the foundations for handling things in the future.

I would automatically tell others i had a happy childhood. I was confident and well behaved but dig below the surface and i didn't get the love and attention from my dad i needed and although i accepted it as normal there are a few occasions where he went way over the top over tiny things at me when i was very young from about age 5. Things if i told a councellor would probably be deemed very unacceptable today.

Like you if its a practical thing that needs resolving i am fine but i think it's our emotions that have the biggest impact on the development and to a degree the progression of fibro....although it still has a mind of it's own once you have it.

I am just toooo complex and being stuck in a body that hurts and stops you getting out doing things freely and lots of time alone also can keeps you stuck if you have this kind of personality.

 

[Cheryl Ann]

DK Engineer, Getmegirl and Willow:
I've been following your posts and I see similarities with us all. One of those is that we all are highly sensitive people. I believe that we don't know it perhaps, but we can "feel" other people's energy. If it is negative energy, we need to be able to shield ourselves from it. I've been interested in auras and have had mine read a couple of different times with interesting results. Before I developed FM, my aura was violet, meaning that I radiated unconditional love. How nice to hear that! And I agreed with that reading. I was very happy at the time and did try to show unconditional love towards others and I think towards myself but probably not as much as I needed to. The next time I had my aura read, I had just been released from a job that I had been at for 9 years. I educated 3rd-5th grade emotionally impaired students. Unfortunately, there were also 2 bullies that undermined my self-esteem daily and at the end, I think bc he was retiring, so did the principal. The principal of the school I was at, had been ordered to attend anger management classes and see the superintendent for a year which he began the year I started there. I think at the end, when he joined in the bullying, he had reverted back to some of his past issues and was using me and a younger teacher as scapegoats. Anyone who befriended me ended up being a target too. One of the 3rd grade teachers decided to help me and became a teacher rep. She told me to come to her every time I was bullied and she would deal with it. After a couple of months she said she couldn't do it anymore. She said she couldn't handle it. I was miserable and felt so unappreciated. When I had my aura read a year or so after leaving the school system, my aura was green which means healing. I took it to mean that I was trying to heal myself.
I am very good with EI children and I was always able to calm them down and help them through situations but I am also an empath or highly sensitive person. I didn't know how to block out the negative energy and I think I "absorbed" it. I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis 3 years after I began teaching there and 3 years after I left the school system, I was diagnosed with FM. Now I have another autoimmune disease but won't find out what it is until the end of this week...she said hopefully. Ha, guess what? Here it is 3 years later again. That just occurred to me. How strange. Has anyone ever heard of something like that?

For a long time, I have felt like a loser, a failure, invisible, lonely. I've been told over and over (mostly by my mom) that, "I'm too sensitive." Why is that a bad thing? Its a gift. I was able to use it to help children but I wasn't taught how to protect myself from the intensity of what I could feel. I think that contributes to the cause of FM and maybe flare-ups. I never thought to take notice of whether the depression I experience at times is followed by a flare-up.
My best friend says I'm just weird. I don't mind that...it fits. lol

Best wishes to you all for restful sleep and pain free days (both emotionally and physically)
Cheryl Ann

 

[diamond]

Cheryl Ann you sound like a wonderful kind teacher and person...i swear we all have the same A type personalities.....intelligent, compassionate sensitive caring for others and feeling their needs and emotions and committed to helping where we can.

Over time this drains us and we don't always get back the understanding and support from those who are supposed to know us and love us as unconditionally as we love and give to them.

They don't seem to have the intuition to give to us when we need it and i have always had what feels like an emotional insight when people have turned to me.

 

[Cheryl Ann]

Thank you for responding Willow. I really need a support group bc as you said, the people around us don't have that intuition to to us when we need it. My husband is the most wonderful man, very supportive but he comes from a family that doesn't know how to show their emotions. They don't hug or kiss or say I love you. One time, I was just so depressed about my darn situation that I sat down and sobbed. My husband just stood there. Finally, I said, "This is when you're supposed to hug me and tell me you love me." Having to say that made me laugh a little and he smiled, hugged me and told me he loved me. Then he said, "I didn't know. Don't forget which family I come from."
So I guess sometimes we have to ask for what we need. My little brother jokingly tells me, "I'm not a mind reader. You have to tell me if you want me to do something." I think women have a better sense of what people need, especially mothers and people who are highly sensitive.
Best Wishes for a Good Day!

 

[DK_engineer]

Hi CindyKay, thanks for joining in and sharing your experience. The bullying you are describing is very similar to what I experienced. It is a common strategy for bullies to socially isolate their target. In my case I was standing by my coworker who was the main target, though we were both being scapegoated in different ways. The bullies really tried to split us apart! My coworker and I worked together and supported each other. We found allies who had integrity and courage and who gave us a chance to prove our worth. Things at are so much better than they used to be! Which is good because I really enjoy my actual job.

I think all personality traits can be either beneficial or detrimental. The same trait that makes me determined also makes me stubborn - just ask my husband Being highly empathetic can make us kind or vulnerable depending on the situation.

I think it is important to extend our kindness to ourselves. When I find myself dwelling on some painful past interaction, the thing that is most stressful is that I am berating my past self for not being more tough or savvy or sensitive or whatever. What I need to remind myself is that I did the best I could at the time. It really is not my problem if someone else is a jerk to me. It is their problem. Easier said than done, though, isn't it? I guess I just need to keep practicing until that neuroplasticity kicks in

 

[diamond]

I am glad you have found the group CherylAnn.....yes maybe women are a bit more intuative. You have a good husband though and seems you are close ....he just needs a bit of training in the emotional display department!

My partner and I are having a tough time right now...we had a fantastic relationship ...i would say he was wonderful too but something happened with him that threw me a while back and has affected my health very dramatically. It has changed the way we are with each other and we can't seem to get it back. Hence the title of this thread!

 

[DK_engineer]

I just realized I wrote CindyKay instead of Cheryl Ann. I am so sorry!

 

[Cheryl Ann]

Thank you Willow and DK for your replies and support.

DK, thank you for catching your typo and especially for letting me know you caught it. Of course my first thought was, "See, I am invisible." Sometimes it seems like I am only noticed for the mistakes I make and not the contributions. Thank you again for recognizing it was me. Believe it or not it meant so very much.

 

[DK_engineer]

Cheryl Ann, thank you accepting my apology. My goal was to make you feel welcome and I wound up doing the opposite

I apologize again, you are by no means invisible - your point of view has given me a lot to think about. Your contributions to this conversation are valuable!

 

[Cheryl Ann]

Thank you DK.