Rage Against Doctors : How to Cope?

[FibroKid]

Hello! I'm new here.

I got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia last year, after ~5 years of complaining about pain. Got the standard "stop worrying about it, just exercise" and referral to Psychiatry treatment. On my own initiative, I started using a cane - my pain went way down!!! - which suddenly made my doctors sit up and take notice, because (and I swear this is verbatim) "oh I had just thought it was psychosomatic". (They still didn't take any action to help me, if anyone's wondering!)

I know from reading this forum that most of us have been mistreated and dismissed by doctors in this way. Like most, mine didn't tell me what the illness is like or how to live with it; I was left to stumble through it alone with advice to "just be happy and it'll go away". Most of my treatment has been for malingering/hysteria.

My (rather long-winded) point is, how do we deal with the rage this treatment engenders? I've already stopped going to any doctors at all, and most days just try to forget this happened. I cope with my symptoms the best I can on my own. But sometimes the anger comes back and blinds me, or if I keep it in, it rots me from the inside. I've nowhere to take it out; any angry outbursts will just cement me as hysterical in people's minds. To make matters worse, I'm very young (22 this year), which makes total strangers approach me to express incredulity that I "really need" the cane - more sources of fury!

Any advice? How do we live with this anger, knowing it's justified but also knowing it's functionally impotent?

 

[sunkacola]

Hi @FibroKid and welcome to the forum. I hope this place will be helpful to you.

Yes, many of us know the rage and frustration and feeling of being treated badly. I think you are wise for your years in knowing that your anger is justified and at the same time wanting to deal with it in a way that won't just make things worse for you.

One way that you can work through it is by writing about it here on the forum. No one here will judge you, and you will get support. Another way is to talk with a close friend about it.....but this has to be done with caution. My way has been in the past to choose only a close friend with whom I have an established and strong relationship, and then to ask them if I can have five minutes (or ten at the very outside) just to complain and vent. I explain that I am not asking for anything except to be heard. They don't have to try to fix anything, or even say anything, just listen. I ask, because maybe they are just not in the mood or can't handle it, and if they say no that's OK. But if they say yes I set a timer for the time we agreed on and then I go to it. I am then allowed to vent all I want, and when the timer goes off I stop immediately.

This creates trust in you for your friend, who will then probably be willing to give you another 5 minutes another time, as long as you don't do it too often. (I have limited this to once a month at the very most).
And it creates a safe space for you, like a container, and gives you a chance to express yourself. If your friend wants to keep talking about it, you can do so ---or not, as you choose. But I always make sure that the talk never goes for more than another 5 or 10 minutes. Even the very best friend will get burned out if they hear too much about this. And I find that talking about it can help, but only if the talk is limited, because otherwise it can just spiral into more of the bad feelings.

We on the forum won't get burned out hearing about it. No need to set any timers here! Just vent all you want.

Other than that, I don't know any way to manage this that you cannot find on the internet, by which I mean things like relaxation protocols, yoga, breathing exercises, guided or not guided meditation and so on. Frankly, those things have never helped me, but I know they do help millions of people so they are worth a try. And sometimes just a glass of wine and a movie at home. Distraction is a valid way to handle things, too.

One more thing. A very wise woman I knew used to say, "You know what you know". This has become a real touchstone for me, my whole life. What it means is that YOU know who you are, what you feel, what you have or have not done, and what the truth is. If someone accuses you unjustly, treats you unkindly, refuses to believe you, or otherwise disrespects you, you can remember that you know the truth, and what they say is irrelevant to the truth. If someone persists in refusing to believe you, or treats you with disrespect, cut them from your life (if possible). If people look at you funny for using a cane, ignore them as best you can and keep your head up. You are probably far stronger than they are because you are dealing with pain they probably can't imagine, and you are not the one being judgmental of others. You know what you know. Other people's bad behavior doesn't change that.

We are here to support you in whatever way we can. I hope you will let us do that for you.