Hypochondria

[BlueBells]

@SBee

I do believe there are several types of and causes of , depression. Like cars. Lots of cars, but they are all different.

For me, I've always been sure that it isn't my brain, but my emotions reacting to things I cannot control, but not knowing what they are, that is what feeds it, well, fed it, past tense.

For me, I almost 'like' putting a name/ diagnosis to such a thing so I can face it head on. Of course if we are down in the lowest of lows thats hard to do. Then its more a case of riding it out, or asking for extra support from professionals

Indeed !!!! The many professionals I've consulted over the years, in some ways helped,(counsellors) building self esteem, seeing that everything is not my fault. But...the depression side, that they could not help, because I didn't fit the theories.

Oh yeah, I've been down, and I'm so pleased I never went along with the doctors medication ideas. Yes, tried a couple of times, when I was 12, again when I was about 21, again when I was in my 30's or so, but, each time they made me so very much worse.

The docs wanted to try other types of meds, but I knew that drugs were not the answer for me, because I knew I didn't have their type of depression.

As I understand more of fibro, I no longer get that depression, nor anxiety (which I did have). Frustrated, down, yes, but I am always watchful of the tendency to get so frustrated and pointless that it leads to depression. I don't always succeed, but when I see the depression symptoms, that slow morph from frustration, to pointless, to give up, generally I can turn it around.

My main way is to accept the gremlins are being obnoxious brats, but I need to let them run out of steam, then I can take over again. This is very difficult when outside pressures require my actions, but I am learning to barter with fibro, give and take.

Sometimes, I get up in the morning and say, out loud : "Okay fibro, today is MY day, so shove off. You can have tomorrow, but TODAY is MINE !!!!"

90% of the time it works, and sometimes I get a couple of days, but oh boy, I pay for it. However, I am learning just where the give/take lines are. Well, sort of learning

Overall? I generally feel much happier. For me, feeling happiness is a strange thing, but I am liking it

 

[sunkacola]

It is true that there are many kinds of depression. there is situational depression, which is usually of a limited time and caused by a specific thing or accumulation of things, but it can go away completely once enough time has passed and/or things get better.

And there is the kind that @BlueBells is describing, which is really anger/frustration turned inward, and that can be managed and can get better, as clearly BlueBells has worked hard to do and is having some success. (congratulations to you, BlueBells, and good for you. You get to feel proud of this!)

And there are other kinds, I suppose.
And there's the kind that I have, which started very early in my life, and was diagnosed as Severe Chronic Clinical Depression when I was in my 20s. I was chronically sleep deprived for the first 30 years of my life, having been born with serious insomnia. How much this contributed to or even created the depression I won't ever know, but it sure didn't help. The healthiest person will get depressed and/or go literally crazy if they are sleep deprived for too long, and that was all I knew in my most formative years. I also didn't have the best childhood to put it mildly, but I think the lack of sleep might have done it even if the other things had not been present.

I spent more time, effort, and money trying to "fix myself" between the ages of 18 and 40 than on any other thing. I believed something was terribly wrong with me, and it was up to me to fix it. I simply couldn't be normal or live a normal life, and just getting through each day was a challenge. I finally realized that I am not my depression.....depression is something that I have, like having any other disease. The destymatization of mental illness that has been slowly occurring in more recent years helps a lot with this, I think. More and more people, including famous people, coming out and speaking about their own mental health issues and it is no longer seen as being a weakness or fault of the person, and something to try to hide.

But of course, I along with most others still spend a lot of energy trying to hide it because no one wants to be around that. This contributes to my not spending very much time around other people. Between the fibro and the depression and anxiety it's just too hard to see people in person much of the time. Like you, BlueBells, if I spend time driving there and back and visiting with a friend for a couple of hours, that's all I can do that day. It's exhausting.

Being able to separate oneself from the depression a little bit helps, I think. I am not worthless....that is the depression saying that, and depression lies.
But while I no longer view it as being me, and that I am all wrong somehow, it still exists. When I feel worthless and dull and apathetic, when the world looks black and so on, I tell myself (and know it is true) that I am only feeling that way because of depression, and in fact those things are not true. It's a beautiful planet, and I can appreciate it intellectually. Unfortunately, this doesn't make me actually have a better day. Sort of like knowing that you are not less of a person because you are in pain from fibromyalgia and cannot clean the house or go see your friends today because you are in too much pain....you know this isn't your fault, but that doesn't make the pain go away.