Found a way to be taken seriously by doctors

[vickythecat]

I am sure we have all been there - been to a doctor who would not take our complaints seriously. Giving us advice such as 'exercise more, eat more, get out more, do things you like more. it could be depression, take it easy' etc etc etc.

It is the one thing we do not need when we are already suffering so much.

I live in a different country, with a different culture etc. One that is not my own. But I have now figured out a way to be taken seriously over here - to me it is completely pathetic, but it seems to work every time = CRYING! Crying during the doctor's appointment makes them take you seriously. Real stupid I know.

I am from the mentality of 'smile, pretend everything is ok' whenever wherever. It is simply my default state. And that has apparently been the problem for all these years.

And I found out about it by chance - I was having physical therapy for a frozen shoulder and the therapist pushed my shoulder way above its limitations, so tears automatically started spilling out of my eyes from pain (not like crying, crying you know). I saw everyone panic around me, doctors were called in, nurses came in, I was asked if I wanted to speak to a psychologist etc. That is how I found out how, in order to be taken seriously about one's pain, one has to cry.

It might be a world-wide thing as well, so I sadly advise everyone, anyone who feels like they are being taken seriously, to give crying a go during your doctor's appointment. Cry just like when you are on your own. How we cry from pain and frustration when we are alone. Think of how your life has been taken away from you and do not try to be brave or put on that smiley face in front of doctors. No, show your REAL face. The one that is crying inside and out.

 

[Lou38]

Fibro is hard enough to deal with without being taken seriously, I'm lucky to have found a GP who believes in me but still don't have a diagnosis from my rheumatologist, it took months to see him in clinic, months to get the appropriate tests carried out and now months of limbo waiting for my next appointment. It sucks that you had to cry to get taken seriously but with fibro, chronic pain etc we will try anything. It must have taken a lot for you to show a vulnerable side but was well worth it in your case.

 

[TipBill]

I must admit I have stooped to that but if that's what it takes then so be it.

 

[diamond]

I think many of our doctors in UK would just label us depressed if we cry and blame that instead as if you are exaggerating the pain as a side affect of low mood not the other way round ...at least that's my experience from some doctors.

 

[Forgetmenot]

Ill echo that willow.dr here just think your depressed.im lucky my dr was the one who told me I had fibro,and is a big beiliver in it.
I do worry if when he leave one day il be left with an idiot.

 

[sunkacola]

Nice if it worked for you but not necessarily a good idea.

Here, it is more likely that if you did that you'd be told you had to go see a psychiatrist. It would just make them more likely to think that everything is in your mind, that you are clearly depressed and unstable, and so on.
I have found that the most effective thing is just the opposite:

Go in there dressed nicely. (You don't have to dress up, just make sure your clothes fit and are clean and not wrinkled and so on). Speak as clearly and unemotionally as you can. Have notes, if you need them, in order to be able to answer all their questions as easily as possible. Make sure you can say accurately when something started; don't end up saying, "um....maybe seven months?...no, more like a year.....well, maybe longer....." Act professional. Consider that you are presenting a case, and it has to be clearly documented in detail, as if you were going to court. Do NOT get emotional, no matter what they say. If you are depressed, don't admit it to the doctor who is going to treat you for Fibro. Be unfailingly polite and respectful.

In America, competence and confidence and professionalism are respected and admired and valued above all else. If you get emotional they will immediately label you as a nut case and they will not take you seriously. It is no doubt different in other countries, and I think people should do whatever works to in order to get the help they need. But breaking down in a doctor's office in the USA is not the best approach.

 

[Hippie]

I'm a crier, especially when I'm tired and need to tell someone what's wrong with me. Whenever I see a new doctor, tears are pretty much guaranteed. My symptoms started at 18 and was finally diagnosed at 20 after many doctors told me I was depressed. Many doctors of varying specialties have also told me was depressed since then. They want to treat depression because they don't know what to do about the fibro. I was not depressed then, but I'm my third crisis now and I have been dealing with some depression.
On a side note, some of the antidepressants can be helpful to fibro patients. I personally don't find it helpful to have a medical professional telling me how I feel and ignoring the largest half of my symptoms.

 

[Hope4all]

I think it depends on the doctor, but generally in my experience sunkacola is right in the US. I recently admitted to depression reluctantly and thank goodness it was short-lived and my doctor was very understanding and respectful, but I seen the way showing emotion is treated as weakness, becomes a distraction or causes the doctor to lose respect for you. It's not right, but it is true in my experience over the years in the US. Doctors are scientists. They are looking to make observations. The clearer you can communicate a pain level, type, location, etc., a lot of times the better they take it.

 

[sunkacola]

I'm a crier, especially when I'm tired and need to tell someone what's wrong with me. Whenever I see a new doctor, tears are pretty much guaranteed. My symptoms started at 18 and was finally diagnosed at 20 after many doctors told me I was depressed. Many doctors of varying specialties have also told me was depressed since then. They want to treat depression because they don't know what to do about the fibro. I was not depressed then, but I'm my third crisis now and I have been dealing with some depression.
On a side note, some of the antidepressants can be helpful to fibro patients. I personally don't find it helpful to have a medical professional telling me how I feel and ignoring the largest half of my symptoms.

No doubt you are not able to control this, but also no doubt your emotionality is a huge contributor if not the whole cause of your being told over and over that you were depressed by doctors who were not taking your physical issues seriously simply because you were reacting with emotion instead of remaining calm and logical.
If you can possibly go in and not get emotional (practice in front of a mirror and/or with a friend), it will serve you much, much better.

I have found that I can get through anything, and get what I want from doctors much more easily if I never show any emotion whatever. No anger if they insult me. I simply pretend not to notice. No emotion if they don't believe me - I simply repeat my well documented evidence to them. I point out to them that I drove 45 minutes to an hour to get to this office and then sat in an uncomfortable chair for two hours waiting to get in, and was unable to get any work done or make any money today as a result of coming to this appointment, and I would most certainly not bother to do all of that if I did not have a serious problem that needs to be addressed. I point out that I am clearly a mature and intelligent person and tell them that I am not a wimp or a malingerer and I need to be taken seriously.

If they continue to lack belief or are not taking me seriously, I very politely and respectfully tell them that I will need to find a different doctor, because clearly I am currently talking with someone who is not willing or able to treat the medical problem that I have.