any advice or thoughts welcome

[Geraldine Higgin]

Yes mariposa the waiting is the hardest part of this whole thing. I spoke to the cancer helpline this morning and they were able to answer some of my worries so I feel a little less stressed. Hoping we hear from the melanoma clinic soon and hopefully get some answers and direction. We both need to feel like we are doing something instead of this waiting.

 

[virgolady]

Hi , I am virgolady from the "Maritime Provinces " in
Canada. I only joined yesterday. The following is only my perception ,and I certainly do not mean to be hurtful .

What is all this stress doing to you ? You need to take care of yourself or you will be "unavailable" for him. Sorry , but he needs to take responsibility for himself ! The worse thing he could be doing is smoking while he is on the patch ......(dangerous) ..

His moods could very well be due to guilt (the fact that he may be smoking) but when someone talks or ask questions , he becomes "defensive".

I have never heard of melanoma having anything to do with the lungs , unless the melanoma has spread to the lungs . What exactly did the physician verbally state about the melanoma ? I understand and can relate to you wanting to be there for him , but not at your expense. Besides he is only going to talk about it when he is ready . I know that it is very difficult ,and it also must be difficult for him. As women , we are for the most part born communicators , men are not . They need to go into their "cave " and think ( no one knows how long it takes ) , however they eventually come out ............
If I can make a suggestion ...............please, for your sake ..just let it go , it will all work out , it always does , it may not be the outcome we wanted , but it still always works out . Save your energy so you can be available for "both" of you .
Good luck and I would consider it an honor if you would keep me informed .
I am sending you gentle hugs , and positive thoughts.
ladyvirgo

 

[Geraldine Higgin]

Thanks virgolady. Yes I have let it go and don't worry I am looking after my self.

 

[Geraldine Higgin]

Still waiting for an appointment at the melanoma clinic. I have told Darryn he should ring the hospital but he is happy to wait. I think its a case of no news is good news or at least he has convinced himself of that, I just hope that's the case. I am finding it hard to wait patiently unlike he seems to be doing. All is good with our relationship at the moment, he is starting to open up to me about his feeling a little so I guess I am doing the right thing in letting him come to me instead of asking him how he is. He admitted he has been feeling depressed a lot of the time and realizes that it is most likely the biggest cause of his constant tiredness. I am happy that he know this now. He is still smoking and it seems to be more and more often but he still is trying to hide the fact he is smoking so I will leave it like this as if I let him know I know he is smoking he might smoke more. At least if I am around him he doesn't smoke. Still hoping he will quit when he is ready.

 

[mariposa]

Still waiting for an appointment at the melanoma clinic. I have told Darryn he should ring the hospital but he is happy to wait. I think its a case of no news is good news or at least he has convinced himself of that, I just hope that's the case. I am finding it hard to wait patiently unlike he seems to be doing. All is good with our relationship at the moment, he is starting to open up to me about his feeling a little so I guess I am doing the right thing in letting him come to me instead of asking him how he is.

I'm glad to hear that things are good with the relationship again... and especially glad that he's started opening up more. I know that will help him and he probably realizes that now, too.

When it comes to not getting an appointment yet... that concerns me a bit. I know people in the medical field and I know that patients *do* sometimes fall through the cracks. Someone thought someone else made the appointment, etc. Or a new person filed the order for an appointment before they had a chance to make it. This is a big dilemma for you, I'm sure... you don't want to upset him by keeping on him about calling, but... well, it's cancer, so not the sort of thing to sit by and wait for others to get things into motion. I can't remember if they told you how long it would take, but if it goes like a week past that, I'd definitely call.

And through this, how have *you* been feeling?