Day 13
Submitted by 1sweed on Fri, 07/19/2013 - 00:08
This has been a long week for me. The weather has been hot and muggy, and although twice today there was threat of rain, rain did not come. I hope it comes soon to lower the heat 90+ and humity levels, as well as, water my garden.
I had a sort of sad experience the other day. I was at a meeting with a group of people that I consider to be close friends, and we were talking about the struggles in our lives. It is hard for me in being a part of the group, as I am close 60 years old and they are all in their early twenties and thirties. But I made a comment that should have given them a really good feeling and hope for wonderful future and my comment brought stone silence and then a reply that made me feel as if the closeness I felt with the group was not really there.
I sat there trying to figure out what or how a nice pat on the back for a job well done could have been mistaken for a misunderstanding of them and their lives. It made me feel sick inside and hopelessly clueless about their reactions. It made me wish I had not gone to the meeting, and it made me wonder if I really knew them at all.
Being older brings with it a sort of wisdom from having been there and done that, so I can speak of things and places, and ways of dealing with somethings with a bit of knowledge. But to be so misunderstood made me very sad, for my best friend list is small and now it may be much smaller than I had thought.
That is what I mean when I say I must be from another world, where good thoughts and praises, are taken as such and life is filled with hope and promises. I do not belong here in a place where hurt can come so fast and sharp into the heart of one who believes in friendship and the ways of showing, in ways that mean something.
This sounds like it belongs in the moan and vent section, but it is not that type of pain or hurt, it is a type that understanding where I am at and can see the pain in my eyes and the tears that still fill them, when a happy time turns sad in the blink of a eye or a turn of the head.
Rejection comes harder and faster like a sharp edged sword when it is friends and family, pushing the blade in.
I had a sort of sad experience the other day. I was at a meeting with a group of people that I consider to be close friends, and we were talking about the struggles in our lives. It is hard for me in being a part of the group, as I am close 60 years old and they are all in their early twenties and thirties. But I made a comment that should have given them a really good feeling and hope for wonderful future and my comment brought stone silence and then a reply that made me feel as if the closeness I felt with the group was not really there.
I sat there trying to figure out what or how a nice pat on the back for a job well done could have been mistaken for a misunderstanding of them and their lives. It made me feel sick inside and hopelessly clueless about their reactions. It made me wish I had not gone to the meeting, and it made me wonder if I really knew them at all.
Being older brings with it a sort of wisdom from having been there and done that, so I can speak of things and places, and ways of dealing with somethings with a bit of knowledge. But to be so misunderstood made me very sad, for my best friend list is small and now it may be much smaller than I had thought.
That is what I mean when I say I must be from another world, where good thoughts and praises, are taken as such and life is filled with hope and promises. I do not belong here in a place where hurt can come so fast and sharp into the heart of one who believes in friendship and the ways of showing, in ways that mean something.
This sounds like it belongs in the moan and vent section, but it is not that type of pain or hurt, it is a type that understanding where I am at and can see the pain in my eyes and the tears that still fill them, when a happy time turns sad in the blink of a eye or a turn of the head.
Rejection comes harder and faster like a sharp edged sword when it is friends and family, pushing the blade in.
Comments
Anonymous
Sun, 01/29/2017 - 01:48
Permalink
Hi 1sweed, try to not let the younger generation get to you! I am so sorry that happened! I am 50 & had a similar happening with a person I had thought was a friend, a person who I was taking care of as she was having heart problems, kid problems & going through a bad divorce. I literally ignored my family for 6 weeks to help her, to stay the night in the hospital with her, babysat for her new grandson bc she had to get to dr appts & felt too sick to get out of bed. She stabbed me in the back & I was shocked. As you are feeling you think u get to a certain age you wouldn't be dealing with this kind of thing. I wouldn't go to a group as I feel they are downers. That is why I like these kind of things where people try to uplift each other. Pray knowing God loves each & every one of us just as we are. Those people are 40 yrs younger & I think have come from an era of instant gratification, no manners & selfishness. They don't think like we do, we most of the time think of others b4 our selves. Don't be sad, God knows you heart & loves you so much!! I know the lonely feeling too. My close friends are not near me, I have a few mothers of my kids friends that I consider friends but not close friends. & I can't go out & do much as we never have money for it & my husband doesn't ever want to do anything with me. I was really hurt by this person but finally I had to realize that she is ill, a pathological liar who plays the victim to get people to do things for her. I know it wasn't me, even though I apologized to her if I said anything hurtful in response to her & she never said it. I try at this time in my life to become closer to God, to talk to Jesus everyday. The love I feel in my heart from God is so much more than even the love u feel for your own child, It is different but I know He will never leave me, He promised that! Reading religious books on how to have more peace or how to get even closer to Him help me immensely! Don't worry about the brats, but I know it is hurtful & we can't help feeling emotional when people hurt us. God says to stay away from negative people. Do you have any church groups u could attend? There could be other ladies feeling the same more your age & maybe you could put feelers out at church. Sometimes you can get to know someone well in a Bible study group or prayer group. It doesn't say on your post where you live, I am in Eureka, Mo, about 20 min away from St. Louis. I don't know you but I feel for you, I will pray for you & ask God to fill you with His everlasting & beautiful Love! You are His child, He will never leave you! And really the only one you can trust 100%!! God be with you & if we are able to message each other privately, I would sure welcome you. Please blow off the negativity of others! We are better than that & YOU DO have more wisdom than the 20 yr olds!! And you are not from another world!! I am the same way! The younger generation isn't taught it enough!! I have worked my bottom off ( I wish),lol, being an RN for 20 yrs, I always took extra good care of my patients, adults & children. I would not take lunch or dinner breaks to sit & read a sick child a book or pray with an adult or give a backrub to a patient which nurses never do anymore, but I never got rewarded for it, or a Manager never really said anything, but by gosh they would about another nurse who never did the extras! My Mom said your reward will be in Heaven. And now that I am older & know the significance of that, I can't think of a better reward than Heaven & Seeing Our Lord & Saviour! There is no sadness, no hate, no envy, just pure radiant Love! I still get sad or lonely but we are only human. Is there a neighbor or someone you can think of that would benefit from you reaching out to them? They would appreciate it & be thankful for your wisdom! I hope this has helped you a little!! Again Bless You! :)
Anonymous
Sun, 01/29/2017 - 01:48
Permalink
Thank you liannemq. I do trust in the Lord to get me through my days, but your words made me feel so much better. The group of ladies I was referring to was my church group, that is why it hurt so much.
But today I am off and running again. No rest for the weary. I take care of my mother most of the time and my few outtings are mostly fun times.
You are right about younger folks, but there are a few good ones out there. It was just a off night and I was a bit shocked by their replies. So I have not been back to church yet as time heals wounds so we don't say something that will make matters worse. lol Hope you have a very good day. Thanks again. 1sweed
Add new comment