To: Samantha86. You are not alone, not crazy, not making up any stories to gain attention. I have had chronic insomnia for 44+ years. Other people are giving you advice and you’re working with your doctors, so, for now, I want to encourage you to try to accept what is going on with your body as something to work through. I’m not saying just accept it and don’t do anything about it, but accept that something is not working correctly, and do all you can. But, don’t despair. Your sleep is off, not normal. Many people have no idea what it’s like to lie awake all night, feeling completely alone, even if there are other people in the home. For me, I need to be quiet so I don’t disturb the ones who are sleeping; they need their rest, also. It’s not easy to accept the unusual things we have to go through in order to stay sane while we don’t get the rest we need. I’ve had to develop some things I can do in a room by myself at night that won’t disturb anyone else. They love me, care about me, but I try to do my part in keeping their sleep schedules on track, so our family can function as normally as possible with an insomniac in the house. I have discovered that it does me no good to get upset when I cannot go to sleep, especially when I have something important to do the next day. I don’t need the extra pressure and any more anxiety on my plate. It has taken me years to get to this point. I have to be patient with myself. I pray, read my Bible, read fiction/nonfiction, write, journal, crochet, watch movies, play calming games that engage my brain (word or math games—things that keep me from thinking about the fact that I am still wide awake at 2:00 a.m.) Sometimes at 4:00 a.m., I tell myself that if I could just get a nap, my day will go well. Then, I just have to get up at 5:15, and get my day started. I’m saying you are not alone. There are many on the journey with you; we are all at different stages of starting with new doctors, trying new meds, throwing out meds that did not help, getting discouraged because the medical community doesn’t take us seriously, trying to find friends who are at least sympathetic, doing our best to live with the set of problems we have, trying to be sympathetic with people who are going through life-threatening diseases, loving those around us, trying not to be bitter, sometimes feeling like we are at the bottom of a dark pit and no one cares. I care about you. I’m sorry that you can’t get rest. I’m sorry you have to jump through “medical hoops” of this test and that test, this doctor and a different doctor. I’ve had to move and live in different states; sometimes that meant I had to leave a doctor who did understand and worked hard to help me, then go to a new state and not be treated with dignity in the new medical community. I’ve had doctors write in my medical records that I just wanted attention. The truth is that I could easily live the rest of my life without ever trying to explain to another doctor what my symptoms are and list all the treatments that I’ve tried.
I’m new to this forum—new to any forum. When I learn how, I want to know if there’s a way for the insomniacs to keep each other company while the rest of the people in our time zone are asleep.
Stay with some group; if this group helps you, please stay.
Please keep us informed. Share whatever you would like to share. You don’t have to tell us your name or location, you can just know that somewhere (probably nearby) someone else is wide awake also. Give others a chance to help you. I’m a little too tired right now, but sometime I’ll try to share how I relate to my family and friends to help them know what I’m capable of doing and what I simply cannot do. It has taken many years, but I do have some family members and some friends who understand that I want to go and do everything with them, but every day of my life there is the possibility that I will have to change my plans because I haven’t slept well for several days and can’t move another inch. But, like this morning, I only slept from 4-6:00 am, rested in bed until 8:00 am, and then suddenly had the energy to get dressed and attend worship services. My family and friends were as happy to see me, as I was to see them. And my friends know that even scheduled lunch dates with me are only a hope until about 10:00 a.m., when I can determine if I can dress and drive to a restaurant to meet them. But they hang in there with me, and the fun times are even better because we’re all happy that I made it there that day. There’s hope for you, too. I care about you, Samantha86 !
