Well my appointment with my attorney didn't go quite the way I had planned. Before we even got there my husband and I had gotten into quite an argument (which is not important) so when I arrived I was already in a bad mood. I should point out that my attorney is a 90 mile trip from my home so round trip that's 180 miles so it was a quiet trip because I was so angry at my husband I wouldn't speak to him. Happy to say we are speaking to each other today. I just think the stress of this whole thing is wearing me down. So anyway, back to the attorney visit. My attorney doesn't want my husband to be a witness for me because he feels he is a loose cannon which I agreed with. He sometimes says things that could be construed as sarcasm and my attorney didn't want him doing that before the judge. So I got my best friend to be my witness which I think will really help me because she has known me for over 20 years, I worked for her for 10 years and she is a physicatrict registered nurse. She is retired as well and we meet every couple of weeks for lunch so she has seen first hand how this whole thing has affected me.
So the first thing the attorney asked me was "can you drive"? I replied "yes" and he said "then you are not disabled. Next he asked me can I type. I replied "yes" and he said "then you are not disabled". Then he asked me can I watch TV for an hour without being distracted. I said "yes" then he said "then you are not disabled." This went on for several minutes and as I mentioned I was already in a bad mood and felt like he was badgering me. I then realized that he was asking questions that the judge would be asking me and that I needed to explain to the judge why I can do all these things and still be considered disabled. So I kind of got that but I wish he would have told me so I didn't feel like he was attacking me. In my opinion it's a fine line what you tell the judge. I don't want it to appear that I am catatonic and can't do anything for myself but I also don't want it to look like I spring out of bed in the morning ready to take on the world. Yes, I can drive, yes I can do laundry, yes I can cook, yes I can shower on my own but all of these things take a lot of time and a lot of effort on my part. I have to do everything twice as slowly as I used to and take breaks in between. If I have a day where I will have to attend an event such as a birthday party, wedding, graduation I have to set the day before and the day after as "rest" days which means I don't do anything to taxing on my body. And I am a terrible speaker. I used to literally faint in school if I had to get up in front of the class and give an oral report. I am so busy thinking about what answer the judge is looking for that I stumble all over my words. I got so tongue twisted and nervous yesterday in the attorney's office that I actually started crying. I told him I hope I don't do that in front of the judge and he asked "why" and I told him I am sure the judge has seen that dog and pony show before and will look at it as a "act" on my part.
Anyway my hearing is two weeks from today and then it will all be over and I can forget about it and get on with my life. If I lose my attorney wants me to appeal but I just feel I am able to go through another six months to a year of this. I will be eligible for regular social security in April.
