Too scared to enjoy a good day?

[terbaer]

I've had fibro, chronic fatigue, and other autoimmune issue, including gut issues that have gotten progressively worse over the past 10-15 years. I was forced to give up my almost 30 year state career at 49. I was also forced to give up softball, volleyball, tennis and riding quads (4-wheelers), long walks and working out. It got to the point after even a gentle workout, I suffered the next 2 days. Softball game on a Wednesday? I was down the rest of the week. I wasn't able to work. I was pretty down and felt like such a failure.

I met with my counselor I used here and there for relationship and blended family challenges. She was great. She told me I needed to truly mourn the loss of who I was and really embrace who I am today. I did that. I also changed my attitude. Even tho my good days are slim and far between, I just enjoy the times that are good. I usually overdo my productivity if it's a good day. For me it could last a few hours or sometimes days. Don't worry about the impact after. It's not here yet. Always be in the moment; think and respond positively. You can always change course if your day changes. It used to be when I was asked to get together for lunch or dinner or a gathering, I'd say I'd let them know if I was up for it. Nope, nope nope! Totally negative thoughts. I now accept those things I'm invited to, or set up get together's with friends. It goes on my calendar. If it's going to be something I'll need to have things prepared for, get those done early, ask for help if you need, rest up. Plan for it! You're going!.. When the day comes, set yourself up for success. Rest up, clear your responsibilities before the event, pick out your clothes, etc. If you have a bad day and have to cancel, don't beat yourself up, reschedule it. Don't just cancel and leave it hang. Get it right back on the calendar. You got this! I am now very content in life. I believe I'm more enjoyable to be around, this, I have more fun. Best of luck to you.

 

[crystalrosepaul]

WOW! That is great advice. I've often thought about acceptance being key to happiness and less stress, but never to mourn who I was. I'm glad that I have friends who are understanding and don't feel like I'm blowing them off just because I don't want to partake in whatever plans we made.

 

[Auriel]

Sunkacola what autoimmune’s do you have? I have autoimmune thyroid took them ages to diagnose , the drs weren’t listening to me when I was telling them there was something wrong with it, then I saved went private had a scan that showed it was all messed up then they did reverse tests that showed mines autoimmune.do you not even get a bit sad you can’t do things you used to? I do get a bit sad it’s ruined fun times, my nursing, relationships , exercise. I try to accept but I do get a bit envious of other people sometimes.

 

[Auriel]

Hi crystalrosepaul it’s nice to see you back on I wondered if you was I’ll or something cos I’d not seen you on for a few days, I saw jemima on last night but my phone was playing up and my hands been hurting going pins and needles too (which doesn’t help) anyway your ok good .i hope the forum fills up again there’s been hardly anyone on last few days.

 

[crystalrosepaul]

Yes, I'm back! I've been busier than I like the last few days, but all is well! I'll try to check in more often. I've been amazed at how well I've been sleeping after starting the Delta 8. I hope it doesn't become illegal in my state before recreational-use THC is legalized. I've noticed an overall improvement lately, but the smoothie and salad diet is getting tough to stick to. How have you been other than the pain in your hands?

 

[Auriel]

I’m ok I’m at the seaside the sea air does me good , good for my depression too . Sleep makes a heck of a difference with fibro does mine anyway ,we haven’t got delta 8. What I do is cut back on my day gabbapentin then collect them and take them at night, my dreams are freaky tho haha

 

[sunkacola]

Sunkacola what autoimmune’s do you have? I have autoimmune thyroid took them ages to diagnose , the drs weren’t listening to me when I was telling them there was something wrong with it, then I saved went private had a scan that showed it was all messed up then they did reverse tests that showed mines autoimmune.do you not even get a bit sad you can’t do things you used to? I do get a bit sad it’s ruined fun times, my nursing, relationships , exercise. I try to accept but I do get a bit envious of other people sometimes.

As far as I know I do not have any autoimmune disorders. Just fibromyalgia, gluten intolerance, degenerative disc disease, carpal tunnel, and a couple of psychological disorders: anxiety and depression.

And yes, I do get sad that I can't do everything I used to. It would kind of be unnatural if a person didn't feel sad about that at times. Sometimes it is depressing. I personally don't envy others who don't have my problems, but that's because I have just never in my life envied others or been jealous. Just my personality. but if you envy people at times, it's understandable.

About envy, though.....the truth is, you really have no idea what their lives are like, even if they look golden on the outside. I have seen this to be true literally dozens of times in my life. People usually do not display all their problems, and everyone has some. It's possible that the people you envy have far worse problems than you do in some other way.

After all, the vast majority of people who meet me, and most of the people I know, even if they have known me for 15 years, do not know that I live in pain because I hide it. More important is they don't know that I am chronically depressed or have anxiety attacks. My life may look pretty good to someone else who is on the outside, but I can assure you, no one would want to live inside my head.

The key for me with the physical limitations I now have has been acceptance. Accepting what I can't change, and changing what I can. Reminding myself that in many ways I am lucky and trying to enjoy life when I can. It didn't come easy, this acceptance, and I had to work on But I can attest that the degree to which you can accept what is in each day or each moment is the degree to which you can have peace in that day or moment, and it's worth working for.

 

[sunkacola]

I’m ok I’m at the seaside the sea air does me good , good for my depression too . Sleep makes a heck of a difference with fibro does mine anyway ,we haven’t got delta 8. What I do is cut back on my day gabbapentin then collect them and take them at night, my dreams are freaky tho haha

Lucky you to get to the seaside!
I really wish I lived close enough to an ocean to go regularly.

 

[Auriel]

Oh I don’t like by the sea I just went over there .i guess envy was probably the wrong word I just wish I could still do the things that other people do that I used to be able to and cos I’m good at hiding pain and depression people think I’m ok but I guess a lot of people hide things like that too

 

[crystalrosepaul]

I've spent the majority of my day planning an impromptu trip for myself and some friends. This will be my first time traveling since my diagnosis. Although I was nervous about how I was going to feel, it felt really good to plan our itinerary and explore all of the things we could do. They know if I have to stay in the cabin, that doesn't mean they should change their plans, but hopefully, I can push through and enjoy our time together.
We all have struggles, some are just better at hiding them, and others, like FM, are misunderstood and a mystery. I try hard at being kind to everyone because we don't know the battles others are fighting. A friendly smile or kind words/gestures could have a huge impact on someone's day....but when I'm having a bad day, I mostly just want to be left the heck alone!

 

[Auriel]

That’s so true . I hope you have loads and loads and loads of fun and that your ok while your on it

 

[Auriel]

Terbaer do you take pain meds vitamins and supplements I love how positive you are I have fibromyalgia autoimmune thyroid + osteoarthritis what autoimmune’s do you have I sent someone a message meant for you cos you have similar colour signs ,I love hearing how positive some of the forum members are it me feel more positive too!