My story and vent

[stardisgate]

I guess this is more of a happy vent thing.


So I grew up with everyone always thinking "oh Crystal is sick again". I was always in pain, always sick and always complaining about something.

Even the school nurse thought I was making things up when I went to see her. The funny thing is, I always had a fever. In school if you had a temperature of 99.6, then they had to call your parents to come get you. I was sent home at least once a week.

Finally when I was a Junior in high school, I met my first husband. He started taking me to my appointments and at that time the doctors thought I might have endometriosis. My family still didn't believe me. There was even one time that I had a sore throat and my ears hurt. My sister was just in the doctor and they said she had an ear infection. I was complaining for a week about mine and no one would believe me. My boyfriend (husband 1) at the time offered to take me to urgent care. I came back with double ear infections and strep throat. I also ended up getting bronchitis at the time. My ex gave my family their first bit of advice "Maybe you guys should start listening to her and not brushing her off"

After that, my family did pay a little more attention to me when I would complain about stuff. (Don't worry, this story is going somewhere)


When I was about 19, after my ex and I got married, my doctor wanted to do a laproscopic surgery. I agreed to do this, hoping that we had an answer. At that time we did. Stage 2 endometriosis.


My family started taking a little more notice to my issues and worried a little more, but not completely yet.

It wasn't until I was on husband number 2, that my mom really started looking into my symptoms. Husband number 2 actually stood up to his family for me. Told them how hard it was for me to do things. I was out of work ( On short term disability) and still making more than him. Yet his family saw me as lazy, because I wasn't actually working for my money.

I then found a doctor who actually listened to me. He suggested fibromyalgia as another possibility because of my other symptoms. He even started treating it and it worked some.

Here I am 5 years later, going through another divorce. My current boyfriend is very supportive. His family is supportive as well.

But here are my concerns. My last 2 husbands cheated on me. This guy is not that type, but neither were they. However, with the last two, their families warned me. With this one, there has been no warnings. He says he wants a future with me, but can he handle all my medical issues? Will it be too much for him? And how will I know? This one treats me better than anyone ever has, but I am scared of losing that.

Just a vent and life story kind of.

 

[katydid]

Wow, you've been through a lot! I'm sorry! I've been sick on and off since i was a kid also so I definitely understand!
As far as the current boyfriend, I'd say you guys should just take your time and enjoy each other, no rush to get married, you can still act all lovey dovey and have the partnership of a marriage, but personally I'd be leery too! Just have fun with each other... The longer you're with someone the more they show their true colors, who knows number 3 could be a home run slam dunk, but let it evolve and see what happens is he pressuring you about marriage? Or other things? How long have you been together? Live together?

 

[Trellum]

So sorry to hear about your diagnosis! You have been thru a lot and I completely understand your fear to lose your current boyfriend, since he seems to be so good to you and someone in our situation feels better with someone around! I also feel the same about my boyfriend, I'm afraid he might not be able to deal with the things I'm currently going thru, but then I tell myself that if he leaves for this reason, then he never deserved me in the first place.

Because a man who truly loves you will stay by your side no matter what! Isn't like we are dying or something, and even if someone is... leaving the terminally ill person isn't acceptable (I'd never do such a thing if he was terminally ill and dying). The right man will stick around. I have a friend who is completely bald, yet her husband loves her to bits! Another girl I know was born with no arms! Yet she managed to get married and has a very loving husband!

What I'm trying to say is... relax If he is the right one he will stick around, if he doesn't... well, it's surely for the best. Just relax and live one day at the time

 

[stardisgate]

He isn't really trying to pressure me into marriage. He actually is going through the same thing , minus the fibromyalgia. His soon to be ex wife cheated on him 5x. ( the same amount as my previous husband did). The sad thing is, he was in the army fighting for freedom or what not and she was cheating on him. Whenever the paycheck came around, she went and spent it all. They have two kids together. I have a daughter from my first marriage.
He needed a place to stay and moved in with my sister and I, however I ended up needing to move in with my parents and his work was too far, so he is living with his sister. He misses me a lot and worries about me a lot. In fact I was sick (still am) this last week and he forced me to go to the ER because he was worried about me.
My family has changed as well. They want me to be at home, because of all my issues. My mom and grandma want me to apply for disability, but my doctor said it would be nearly impossible to get.
What sucks even more is I am having to make new friends. My ex cheated on me with My best friend. Then when I was ready to let a new friend into my life, he slept with her too. So there is that. I do have a new friend though.
It's kind of funny because I say I met my first husband and it was meant to be so I could have my daughter ( the doctors said after my surgery, that might be my only chance of having a child) and I met my second husband to meet his ex wife, who has the same name. His first wife is a sweetheart and is nothing like what he made her out to be.
Thank you for everyone's advice so far. Good to know that I am not alone.

 

[katydid]

Awww you guys sound so great together, even if you are apart sort of... it's got to be hard... Try not to stress about it too much though and just enjoy each others company... EEverything happens for a reason and I truly believe that... And you're definitely not alone! This is such a great community... Everyone is extremely caring, understanding, knowledgeable, and doesn't judge anyone. You're going to love it here. I've been a member for over a year now, and I get on almost daily!

 

[dorann]

I'm sorry to hear of the problems that you've had in your life with relationships. I do hope that the relationship that you are in right now is something that is able to withstand the test of time. With that said, I do think that sometimes when you are dealing with a chronic illness it is something that will cause more struggles than you might have had in a relationship otherwise.

 

[Trellum]

He isn't really trying to pressure me into marriage. He actually is going through the same thing , minus the fibromyalgia. His soon to be ex wife cheated on him 5x. ( the same amount as my previous husband did). The sad thing is, he was in the army fighting for freedom or what not and she was cheating on him. Whenever the paycheck came around, she went and spent it all. They have two kids together. I have a daughter from my first marriage.
He needed a place to stay and moved in with my sister and I, however I ended up needing to move in with my parents and his work was too far, so he is living with his sister. He misses me a lot and worries about me a lot. In fact I was sick (still am) this last week and he forced me to go to the ER because he was worried about me.
My family has changed as well. They want me to be at home, because of all my issues. My mom and grandma want me to apply for disability, but my doctor said it would be nearly impossible to get.
What sucks even more is I am having to make new friends. My ex cheated on me with My best friend. Then when I was ready to let a new friend into my life, he slept with her too. So there is that. I do have a new friend though.
It's kind of funny because I say I met my first husband and it was meant to be so I could have my daughter ( the doctors said after my surgery, that might be my only chance of having a child) and I met my second husband to meet his ex wife, who has the same name. His first wife is a sweetheart and is nothing like what he made her out to be.
Thank you for everyone's advice so far. Good to know that I am not alone.

So happy for you He really sounds like a good guy who has gone thru a lot! Just like you. I think it's so good you found each other, because he can really understand what you went thru with your previous cheating husbands.

Shame on your so called friends! I can understand if you have issues trusting female friends now! But let me tell you (I know you know this, but it helps to hear it) that everything happens for a reason. Those two guys weren't good for you. Maybe all this happened so you could end up with this wonderful man Best of luck with everything!

 

[terbaer]

I agree....As painful as it is to go through all you've been through, I believe things happen for a reason as well. The fact that your current guy has been cheated on, I believe, will more likely mean he would never do to someone else, what happened to him. Good luck with what sounds like may well be Mr. Right. My only advice would be.....take it slow. There is no rush to cohabitate or marry. My best friend and I married. We were high school sweethearts. I would have never guessed that he would one day cheat. He did. I then dated a little (Had no idea how). When I finally met Mr. Right, we dated for 4 years before we married. We waited another 4 years before we had a child together. I had two children almost 12 years apart, but we didn't rush. Twenty-two years later, he's my rock and my best friend. We had our ups and downs, but we both hung in there. It's very surprising to me, but since my health has deteriorated so significantly this past year (was progressive), he gets it and we've never been better.

My point to you is....If he's the right one, there is no rush. Enjoy yourselves and let him be a part of your good days and bad. If it's meant to be, it will be.....Good luck...Sounds pretty good so far!

 

[stardisgate]

I agree. I know everything happens for a reason. This new guy is so amazing. LOL. I have been sick for the last few weeks. He stayed over last night and I couldn't even move without him waking up to make sure I was okay. We haven't really had any fights, which is new to me.

Isn't it great to marry someone who understands your issues.

And yes.. Trusting females is nearly impossible for me.

 

[terbaer]

It is definitely great to be married to someone who understands your issues.

As for your trusting females comment.....Just remember, the same applies to women as it does to men. Not all are cheaters. Not all women you will come across will screw you over. I can certainly understand why you would feel that way, but just be careful you don't miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime friendship because you don't trust females. We aren't all cut from the same cloth. Be selective and watchful and follow your gut. I can't imagine EVER coming on to or having any kind of inappropriate relationship another person's husband or significant other. I know there must be more of me's out there.... Just sayin'......