Missing a funeral

[Siderea]

My husband's grandmother passed away almost 2 months ago, but the funeral is tomorrow. She was cremated and will be buried with her husband in a veteran's cemetery in South Dakota. I had been preparing myself for the traveling. This would also be an opportunity to meet a lot of my husband's family I haven't met yet, due to living so far away. I was preparing for the social aspect. I had figured I'd be able to pool all my resources together to make it through the day: ginsing pills, coffee, snack every hour, and chocolate. It's the chronic fatigue and hypoglycemia I'm worried about, as the fibromyalgia has become minimal (it does still bother me at times, but it's totally manageable now.)

But I had to make a really hard decision. I don't think I can go. I suffer from endometriosis, which makes my monthly cycles unbearable. I'm scheduled to start tomorrow, the day of the funeral. I would survive the drive down to SD today if I go, but my fear is getting stuck in the hotel room tomorrow, suffering through a horrible amount of menstrual pain, missing the funeral. Then the drive back would be really hard, because the highway down to SD has about a 3 hour stretch with no rest stops or towns. I don't know that I could go 3 hours without a bathroom in that state! But it's killing me, because what if my cycle didn't start until late Saturday after we would get home? I'm feeling like it'll start any minute, though, so I doubt it'll take that long. But sometimes I can feel like I'm on the verge of starting for days at a time - I'll stay swollen and bloated, feel cramps, and experience tenderness as if I've already started. It's so annoying, because it makes it hard to know how close I am to starting.

But to make matters worse, we just got news this morning that my husband's grandpa on the other side of the family just passed away last night! And what's even worse is that there's talk of not even having a funeral because so few people would show up since so little of his family is here. My husband and I are upset about that, because even for the few of us in the area, it would mean a lot to us to see him off with a funeral.

The stress isn't helping my situation either - I can't handle stress well, as it always manifests itself in a physical way.

I just can't win, can I?

 

[Loftpat]

Darned if you do, darned if you don't. I understand that dilemma. Hope you find some time to breathe today so whichever route you take is fine. Sending healing thoughts your way.

 

[Trellum]

Siderea, how did it go? I hope you managed to take a good decision, but in your situation... I'm not even sure which one was the right call! A really difficult situation indeed! Sorry to hear about your endometriosis, my mom had it when she was 40, I know how tough it is because I saw how it was affecting it back then! A truly tough disease, I was told there was a big chance I could suffer from that as well when I get older, I hope I don't!

By the way... how long are your cycles? 28 days? 32? Or they're not very stable due the endometriosis?

 

[dorann]

I really hate those situations where you are darned if you do and darned if you don't. As far as funerals go, I refuse to go to a funeral for someone that I don't know or didn't know well. I just feel like I'm impeding on someone's personal grieving if I do. However, with the grandpa situation, I would be upset for there to not be a funeral because a funeral is a type of closure after someone that you know is gone.

 

[1sweed]

I hope whatever decision you finally made that it turned out to be the best you could do and that day, and days going forward have been good and not so painful. So, how it it go?

 

[trayne91]

Struggles... I hope things get better for you, too. I have bad cramping at that time as well and missed my aunt's funeral last fall. I hadn't seen her in years since her and mother quit talking to each other for whatever reason when I was young. I was thinking I should pay a visit now that I am older and have a family of my own, but it was too late. I know that inner struggle and stress. It's tough. I hope things get better for you soon.

 

[JKerner59]

The hardest thing to get over in your health situation is not feeling guilty and caring about what other people think...your HEART is in the right place and God knows that..do what you need to do to take care of your health...don't forget, there are many other ways in which you support your husband and family....the little things you do that are taken for granted are of GREAT value! Hugs.

 

[Siderea]

Thanks everyone! I'm glad I didn't go, because my cycle did come the day of the funeral, and it was intense. I am noticing that each cycle is a little easier to deal with than the last, which means that my doctor's efforts are paying off. Still, there was absolutely no way I could possibly have handled being in SD while suffering that day. On top of the pain from my cycle, I had a really bad weak of super low blood sugar too, probably because my cycle took all my energy. I was so dizzy and faint that I wouldn't have been able to pay attention if I were there. My husband was able to go, and he said it wasn't too strange that I wasn't there because a lot of spouses didn't come. It ended up being direct family members that attended, which was still a lot of people.

The good news is that my husband's grandpa did get a funeral afterall! We couldn't go to that because it was in Wisconsin, but my husband and I put together a really nice memorial service for him here, and many family and friends attended. I was happy to have closure for him, when I couldn't for my husband's Grandma. I was able to wear the dress I bought for grandma's funeral at Grandpa's memorial service, so that didn't go to waste either.

I'm so glad the stress is all over and done with! As sad as it is to lose family, I can't think of any other family member nearing the end. I lost my grandpa last Christmas and a cousin recently too, so I'm burned out on loved ones passing away. I think I finally can go back to my life for a while now that the season of death is hopefully over.