Idk what to do.

[Ruralchick]

Well, worried,

There are many other things she can be doing for herself that don't include drugs:topical pain relievers sometimes helps, even to distract herself from the pain in areas and concentrate on the sensation of it, Have her vitamin D blood levels checked-you'll have to ask for the test as most docs don't do it. Then there are all types of supplements that can add up to relief, the first would be magnesium malate, it helps relax muscles and anxiety (even if just a little). I take some anti-inflammatories, B-complex for stress; physically and mentally. There is much more. I know I read everything I could get my hands on from the library and web sites. Don't hang your hat on the "cures" that are out there, most everyone with FM don't get over it like that.

You both are embarking on a new life ,it can get better with some education and trial and error. As for the intimacy, I take a pain pill before now for my dear husband's sake. I'm not that interested anymore but I put it aside for him as often as I can, he is so good to me, it makes me try harder.

 

[IsThisForReal]

I read your message from earlier today and tried to find my husbands lingo in that message.

It echos a lot of our current situation and life (the move, everything being within 5m, daycare, everything).

This is a really trying time for all of us and I know that it's tough, but I honestly don't know that I would ever get to the point of feeling well enough to regain my interest in intimacy without medication. There is just so much happening in our lives and in my body that I cannot imagine getting better without some form of formal treatment. I am such a mess and nothing at like the person I used to be. This isn't for a lack of interest in my husband or love, this has been such hell for me. For us... I want my body and my life back. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I am not the person I used to be on any level.

We were drifting to sleep in bed the other night and my husband said "who would you like to be if you could be anyone?". The only things that came to mind were all the things I used to be before the illness took hold. It's wreaked havoc on our lives and we are grieving the loss big time.

Perhaps you can ride it out for now and start making it a team effort. Celebrate the victories and mourn the losses together.

One of the things I really hated about being ill w/o a diagnosis for many years was that without a name, rhyme or reason, it was really challenging for anyone to take it seriously and understand any of it. That also meant it was incredibly easy for my husband to take things to heart, hold grudges, feel resentment etc which in turn made me distance myself from him because I knew I didn't "do this" to him or "on purpose" etc.

Things have been different since we started to get closer to the answer/final diagnosis. He has a name and something other than me to blame for all of these things and it feels to me like there has been a shift from "I" to "we" and that is MASSIVE for our marriage and my ability to find my way back to him.

It's not that he's a bad guy. He's normally the kindest, nicest, gentle, most thoughtful and generous man, but everything got turned on it's head w/ this terrible illness. It nearly broke us on many occasions and he, like you, is never the type of guy to walk on his family, but was hurting too.

I am rooting for you both.

Best,
ITFR

 

[DK_engineer]

It's good to hear back from you. I'm glad you guys found ways to adjust - it sounds like you are both doing better together.

The things that help me the most are better sleep (I use a med to help with this), mild exercise - especially swimming, eating lots of fiber and fruits and vegetables, and low stress. I really appreciate the people around me who help keep things low stress Taking several deep breaths from the diaphragm is also surprisingly helpful.

I admire your dedication to your family.

 

[diamond]

My relationship has suffered too...I thought my partner was coping fine and i was still well enough even with fibro I was able to live a reasonable life...well within a lot of limitations but we still had fun in a quieter way , could go out a few times a week and i could till keep up with all the house work by pacing.

However suddenly something happened and he seemed full of resentment and acted as if I was spoiling his life and went off on a complete selfish tangent as if he wanted to act like a single man again and said some terribly hurtful things as if I wasn't trying hard enough and just had a few aches and pains.

It created terrible problems longer term since and distancing from me....he emotionally abandoned me when I needed him most.

I have to tell you it switched up my fight or flight response when ever he was around as the whole saga over a week or more made me see him as more of a danger to my health than a support...not least because my pain rocketed due to the immense hurt and conflict....I hate conflict and his love even when I no longer felt like the old me was so vital.

So you two stay as close as you can...of course its much harder on you but the chances of things improving is going to hinge a lot on your wife feeling you are safe and love and respect her regardless.

Treat her like a princess...tell her how much you appreciate what she does do...compliment her like you did in your post about what a great mothershe is.

I can't tell you how fantastic it is to feel your partner still sees you in such a positive way when each day you are battling pain and all the negativity that goes with it....i hope she does the same too.

It only takes one to start the pattern of showing appreciation and admiration and it will probably come back automatically..ha ha a bit like when you first fall madly in love!