painismylife
Active member
- Joined
- May 11, 2014
- Messages
- 35
- Reason
- DX FIBRO
- Diagnosis
- 02/2011
- Country
- US
- State
- SC
Since being on this site, I have been replying to posts, trying to encourage others, and things like that. I did not want to come to this board so soon, but...
I have HAD IT with pain! It has robbed me of so much time I will NEVER get back, so much LIFE I am not living! And by the way, the road to disability SUCKS!
My son is 10 years old. He is now living with his dad because of this condition, disease, diseaseS, symptoms, whatever you want to call them, because of it, I get to see my reason for being for a grand total of 4 days a month! He doesn't even want to come on those days because, in his words, "You are always in the bed with migraines and stuff." I know he is just a kid and everything, but if he only knew the amount of EFFORT I put forth to NOT be in the bed for the majority of the time he is here...
I taught my son to play baseball. He can throw the ball almost 30 mph, he has a near perfect glove in the infield, he switch hits, he is either the lead-off hitter, the clean-up man, or the secret weapon at the bottom of the line-up, all because of me- and of course his natural talent. My ex wasn't interested in baseball because it wasn't a contact sport. And while his half sister and brother both went through a "chubby phase" at ages 8-10, he never did, because he was always active and always outside. I took the training wheels off his bike when he was 3! (I taught him to ride his bike, even though his dad was supposed to be SO GREAT on a bike when he was younger) I allowed him to swim in the deep end of my ex mother-in-law's inground pool at 4! (I taught him to swim. He was six months old on his first Memorial Day, and that was the first time he got in the pool. We floated and put our faces in the water. I gave him "swimmies" when he was a year and a half and two. He asked to take the swimmies off when he was three because they kept him from going under water, and at four, he was diving for quarters on the bottom of the deep end of the pool!) Sorry, got off track. I am just so proud of my son and proud of the things I taught him. And out of all my ex mother-in-law's grandchildren, he was the most active and the healthiest eater, but HE'S the one who ended up with a diabetes diagnosis (type 1)! But now, I cannot do any of those things I taught my son to do unless I am having a VERY GOOD day, and those are few and far between.
I have no job, no insurance, I've been denied disability twice, and now have to have a formal hearing in the hopes of getting it. My bills are all three months late, I am about to lose my car.... again. And I can't even sit at the computer for 30 freaking minutes to commiserate with my fellow fibro folks in cyberspace without causing myself even MORE pain!
I am sorry this is so long. I know I need to focus on the positive. I DO have good days. What I have is NOT terminal. So many people are much less fortunate than I am. I know what I NEED to do, and I try very hard to be positive most of the time. But today... it's day 6 of a flare up (one of the worst and THE longest), I am recovering from a 2 day migraine, and I am just not strong enough to be in that positive place. Yes, this is probably weak, childish, and inappropriate for a grown woman to ask of virtual strangers, but.... will someone please give me a hug (at least a cyber-hug won't hurt), a kind word, some encouragement, a verse of Scripture, something, anything? Please...
I have HAD IT with pain! It has robbed me of so much time I will NEVER get back, so much LIFE I am not living! And by the way, the road to disability SUCKS!
My son is 10 years old. He is now living with his dad because of this condition, disease, diseaseS, symptoms, whatever you want to call them, because of it, I get to see my reason for being for a grand total of 4 days a month! He doesn't even want to come on those days because, in his words, "You are always in the bed with migraines and stuff." I know he is just a kid and everything, but if he only knew the amount of EFFORT I put forth to NOT be in the bed for the majority of the time he is here...
I taught my son to play baseball. He can throw the ball almost 30 mph, he has a near perfect glove in the infield, he switch hits, he is either the lead-off hitter, the clean-up man, or the secret weapon at the bottom of the line-up, all because of me- and of course his natural talent. My ex wasn't interested in baseball because it wasn't a contact sport. And while his half sister and brother both went through a "chubby phase" at ages 8-10, he never did, because he was always active and always outside. I took the training wheels off his bike when he was 3! (I taught him to ride his bike, even though his dad was supposed to be SO GREAT on a bike when he was younger) I allowed him to swim in the deep end of my ex mother-in-law's inground pool at 4! (I taught him to swim. He was six months old on his first Memorial Day, and that was the first time he got in the pool. We floated and put our faces in the water. I gave him "swimmies" when he was a year and a half and two. He asked to take the swimmies off when he was three because they kept him from going under water, and at four, he was diving for quarters on the bottom of the deep end of the pool!) Sorry, got off track. I am just so proud of my son and proud of the things I taught him. And out of all my ex mother-in-law's grandchildren, he was the most active and the healthiest eater, but HE'S the one who ended up with a diabetes diagnosis (type 1)! But now, I cannot do any of those things I taught my son to do unless I am having a VERY GOOD day, and those are few and far between.
I have no job, no insurance, I've been denied disability twice, and now have to have a formal hearing in the hopes of getting it. My bills are all three months late, I am about to lose my car.... again. And I can't even sit at the computer for 30 freaking minutes to commiserate with my fellow fibro folks in cyberspace without causing myself even MORE pain!
I am sorry this is so long. I know I need to focus on the positive. I DO have good days. What I have is NOT terminal. So many people are much less fortunate than I am. I know what I NEED to do, and I try very hard to be positive most of the time. But today... it's day 6 of a flare up (one of the worst and THE longest), I am recovering from a 2 day migraine, and I am just not strong enough to be in that positive place. Yes, this is probably weak, childish, and inappropriate for a grown woman to ask of virtual strangers, but.... will someone please give me a hug (at least a cyber-hug won't hurt), a kind word, some encouragement, a verse of Scripture, something, anything? Please...