twiztc
Senior member
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
- Messages
- 244
- Diagnosis
- 08/2000
- Country
- CA
- State
- ON
Since all the stupid weather and Christmas stress started the weekend before Christmas I have not been in a good way at all. I know i occasionally have flare-ups but this was the mother of them all and it still is with me.
I'm normally a very mild mannered person, yes things piss me off but i very rarely act on those things. I took me 40 years just to learn to say no to people and stand up for myself.
My arms have now become very affected by what i can only guess at this point by the fibro. its got so bad i cant even use my stapler at work! that's how i was yesterday, trying to staple all my papers together and struggling so much i was holding back tears most of the day. then there was the constant dropping things, i just couldn't seem to hold on to anything yesterday. I covered my discomfort all the while I was at work.
Monday is usually a workout day for me but i felt so depressed and deflated i just got straight into my pajamas as soon as we got home.
then came time for me to prepare my dinner. just a simple stir-fry from some leftover pork. i cut a small onion in half and as i held one half it just fell from my hand rolling along the floor. i managed to pick it up and suddenly saw red, it was just the last straw. I threw the offending object with all my might down the hallway hoping the force would shatter the wall to show the way I feel shattered. I was overcome with so many emotions in that single moment, betrayal, shame, guilt, anger, frustration, I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me.
When it was over I felt so exhausted and embarrassed and just plain stupid.
thanks for listening
I'm normally a very mild mannered person, yes things piss me off but i very rarely act on those things. I took me 40 years just to learn to say no to people and stand up for myself.
My arms have now become very affected by what i can only guess at this point by the fibro. its got so bad i cant even use my stapler at work! that's how i was yesterday, trying to staple all my papers together and struggling so much i was holding back tears most of the day. then there was the constant dropping things, i just couldn't seem to hold on to anything yesterday. I covered my discomfort all the while I was at work.
Monday is usually a workout day for me but i felt so depressed and deflated i just got straight into my pajamas as soon as we got home.
then came time for me to prepare my dinner. just a simple stir-fry from some leftover pork. i cut a small onion in half and as i held one half it just fell from my hand rolling along the floor. i managed to pick it up and suddenly saw red, it was just the last straw. I threw the offending object with all my might down the hallway hoping the force would shatter the wall to show the way I feel shattered. I was overcome with so many emotions in that single moment, betrayal, shame, guilt, anger, frustration, I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me.
When it was over I felt so exhausted and embarrassed and just plain stupid.
thanks for listening