Hi to all, I am posting as I have had this monster that invaded my body 12 yrs ago, almost 13 in Feb. It's hard sometimes to remember my life before this. I worked and loved my job but I also was the main wage earner which I didn't realize. I really feel if u have the right support and I mean emotional, financial, physical and family it is so important. I haven't been so lucky as I married someone who I took care of and supported our whole marriage and when I became sick, I guess it was asking to much to expect him to support me and for me to try to recover. Well ! The saddest thing is realizing I married someone who just has made my life so bad that I only wanted him to get a decent full time job but that did not happen and He forced me to use my entire life savings , cashed in my life insurance and sold my entire jewelry , I honestly could not believe he would let me sell or I should say I gave it away, with gold prices, it breaks my heart that I was so stressed that I lost over easily 200 k for a lousy 4000. I know husband's that work 2 3 , Jobs and if u all are lucky to have family and spouses or partners who really want to see you get better, god how I wish I could turn back time as I remember my wedding day as being the saddest day of my life. I am sorry, I do not mean to complain but, I used to love the holidays and It's been over error a decade since I have had a tree and right now I feel so trapped because I live in a house I cannot afford and it's impossible to live solely on 1000 a month from ssdi. I wish I had left him when I was healthy , I even went to go so far as to get the divorce documents and just needed him to sign but he just refused . Well, now He is no longer living in my house and the job he has is at Ups as part time and he has NOT given me a cent. WHAT I would do if I had my Dad here. N was my rock and if there is a heaven, all I can say is he would kill him for what he has done to me. ON , SO SORRY for the caps it's my tablet and I do not mean to shout, I just feel so alone , and my hubby is a 50 year old child who can go back to his parents and live it up while I do not have money to buy food after trying to pay for bills.
He attacked me on black Friday and choked me and said he would like to strangle me to death all over me being the responsible one who cannot afford cable and had to cut it down . Please forgive me for ranting but I would give anything to be able to get my health back but stress is poison to this disease and it makes my pain so bad that I really wish I would just go to sleep and never wake up because I have no life. I also haven't been to a movie , or out to Di new or things most people take for granted thanks to a very selfish and abusive spouse, who is responsible for me getting sick . Now on top of the pain of fibro, I am sure you all have the other symptoms of insomnia, vertigo in my case and I am having such major problems with my brain. I have heard about the Fibro Fog. ALL I can say is its so bad and the abuse and stress, I am sure are not helping, but I literally have no short term memory. Is anyone else, having a job cognitive problems from the fibromalgia? I feel so frustrated that I find myself unable to concentrate, and I am grasping to try to talk and not able to find the words , it's embarrassing as it seems to be getting worse and I just wish There was something that would help. It's especially so sad as I feel like a failure that I had all these goals I had hoped to achieve and looking back what good is having an MA and not able to work. Thanks for listening a d I hope all of u have a very Happy New Year. FyI, I called the police when he hurt me so now he has to go to court but in the end I am the one that has lost in so many ways.
Fondly,
hoxygir'
