man-im-so-fubar
Member
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2013
- Messages
- 12
- Diagnosis
- 00/0000
- Country
- US
- State
- IL
i may post in the new mem post when i get to it
venting sometimes no matter the acceptance helps
I have severe fibromyalgia they are now saying whole life along with chronic fatigue and pain
pain is my life pain is all i have known
i had a few years of mild symptoms and freedom till late 20s
i worked over 100 jobs because adhd
i kept security and alarm response for 3 or so years
i traveled a highway to work
i was hit by a drunk while helping a breakdown lucky it was just door and mirror
i saw to much you die inside
i saw a 9 year old try to shoot me and the cop i was with beaten women dirt trash
like tar it just wont was clean
then the accidents no description and to nasty to say stuff medical books say are not possible
you dont know the value of life till you hold it in your hand and feel deaths cold grip rip it away
me and death have done a waltz my whole life feel it holding hands and taking
then spins and wraps like a python around you
i have been told i should have been dead or died to much to count jobs and mostly meds
i was on methadone for pain and the doc started to high
all i remember was going to bed then black
my wife found me next mourn with just enough runnin to keep me alive
i woke in the er lots of nurses and a doc and the coldest crap that makes you scream being pumped through you
i learned early to appreciate and see life differently
but i lost it all towards my 30s all ripped away fibromyalgia and other problems commin on hard and fast
my lower back is destroyed from the life and accidents
then came 3 accidents two very severe
my fist was minor but set off bad foot pain
the second was a highway 60mph sideswiped accident
we got spun 5 feet
that did more to my back and all over pain
and i was finished by a rear end
we were sittin waiting for a person to turn
when a kid hit us from behind doing 40mph never braked
i felt my lower back rip
im a quit person i will smile till i pass out a gift from ADHD and martial arts o boy its still there but adhd higher tolerance and martial arts not focused on but there
the made me cuss and make more noise then i have ever given a er the pleasure of hearing
and now i watch as my life is ripped from me i refuse i fight i walk i do everything
yet it goes and goes
i have to wear special boots made for swat teams over a inch thing insole plus special absorbing heal etc
i can walk a store on a good day only if i wear those i use to do less than half before
so whats the problem
my ankles calf's i walk for ever and it never makes them stronger
every time i always push to hard because i refuse to take it
omg if i walk a store to much i do that for exercise and shopping
my ankles and a little above man i sit screaming in the car for 20 min
it never builds up strength they say water water wont do crap about that if they wont get stronger
so now i watch i have a porch of tools i cant use
i know how to rebuild engines mowers cars my dad and school taught me everything about a house
my adhd i can you tube and fix it like our washer 5 min of you tube and fixed it
now i pay for what i know how to fix because i cant anymore
and if its a emergency and i do fix i can be laid up in agony that only people on this site can imagine
just last week hey taillight out im not paying for that
a week and a half or more and my shoulders are still sore
not normal fibro behavior maybe maybe some on this site have same
i went to a rheumatologist they said not arthritis but definitely fibr and others from birth that may be a first dont know
i cant describe the anger the rage to see those tools
to see all repairs house and care being paid for taken from me i bypassed a frozen compressor on a car s 2 shops said cant help others said have to tear it out
well its our only car so i looked close i cut the belt and 3 belts later i did what was claimed couldn't be dont
put me out a week but the wife got her car
im looking at 10 or so years of mobility with how out of hand and down hill its going
fibro and my lower back
you just dont know how pissed and just wanting to beat something it gets
i cant even do a taillight
not to mention how much i pay when i have u know what
i fight till it drops me i screw up and pust to fix things if im going im going kicking and screaming really loud
i refuse to sit and wallow i refuse to sit unless i have to
i have the fibro chronic everything and sleep apnea everything scream and tells i dont want to move everything screams lethargic and like tied down o no not havvin it i jump from chairs like i was bitten
the wife asked once why do you fly so fast out of bed because honey if i dont i wont
theres nothing left no docs no meds
im on cancer patches on my arms and oxy and now possibly anti inflammatory and muscle relaxants
since the rheumatologist found nothing now its my normal doc all other specialists have said cant do anymore
o forgot i got a gland in my brain dying and calcifying migraines i have passed out from a few times
i just saw a new neurologist and he finally said every med and option has been tried in my lifetime
just the pills for huge ones headaches everyday sometimes higher
i run out of my emergency migraine meds before refile time
so im loosing everything a good day is a 10 on there scale but i refuse to give to the pain and stop moving
and it just makes it worse all these special dos saying your screwed
just need to vent scream protest disobey faith and cuss and why do you punish me
false promises of no more than we can handle
you just pull it back together hid it apologize to him and try to see good and gifts given
my wife shelter food etc so hard to clearly see or focus on the positive
she always asks how can i listen to the same songs infinitely and so loud
my music is my sanity my escape my distraction for the mind to focus somewhere other than the hell of life
well thanks sorry and sorry i have very severe learning typing and others i see it but it wont come out or type wright so dont complain about my lack of skill or not being a perfect typing God your lucky if its spelled right
venting sometimes no matter the acceptance helps
I have severe fibromyalgia they are now saying whole life along with chronic fatigue and pain
pain is my life pain is all i have known
i had a few years of mild symptoms and freedom till late 20s
i worked over 100 jobs because adhd
i kept security and alarm response for 3 or so years
i traveled a highway to work
i was hit by a drunk while helping a breakdown lucky it was just door and mirror
i saw to much you die inside
i saw a 9 year old try to shoot me and the cop i was with beaten women dirt trash
like tar it just wont was clean
then the accidents no description and to nasty to say stuff medical books say are not possible
you dont know the value of life till you hold it in your hand and feel deaths cold grip rip it away
me and death have done a waltz my whole life feel it holding hands and taking
then spins and wraps like a python around you
i have been told i should have been dead or died to much to count jobs and mostly meds
i was on methadone for pain and the doc started to high
all i remember was going to bed then black
my wife found me next mourn with just enough runnin to keep me alive
i woke in the er lots of nurses and a doc and the coldest crap that makes you scream being pumped through you
i learned early to appreciate and see life differently
but i lost it all towards my 30s all ripped away fibromyalgia and other problems commin on hard and fast
my lower back is destroyed from the life and accidents
then came 3 accidents two very severe
my fist was minor but set off bad foot pain
the second was a highway 60mph sideswiped accident
we got spun 5 feet
that did more to my back and all over pain
and i was finished by a rear end
we were sittin waiting for a person to turn
when a kid hit us from behind doing 40mph never braked
i felt my lower back rip
im a quit person i will smile till i pass out a gift from ADHD and martial arts o boy its still there but adhd higher tolerance and martial arts not focused on but there
the made me cuss and make more noise then i have ever given a er the pleasure of hearing
and now i watch as my life is ripped from me i refuse i fight i walk i do everything
yet it goes and goes
i have to wear special boots made for swat teams over a inch thing insole plus special absorbing heal etc
i can walk a store on a good day only if i wear those i use to do less than half before
so whats the problem
my ankles calf's i walk for ever and it never makes them stronger
every time i always push to hard because i refuse to take it
omg if i walk a store to much i do that for exercise and shopping
my ankles and a little above man i sit screaming in the car for 20 min
it never builds up strength they say water water wont do crap about that if they wont get stronger
so now i watch i have a porch of tools i cant use
i know how to rebuild engines mowers cars my dad and school taught me everything about a house
my adhd i can you tube and fix it like our washer 5 min of you tube and fixed it
now i pay for what i know how to fix because i cant anymore
and if its a emergency and i do fix i can be laid up in agony that only people on this site can imagine
just last week hey taillight out im not paying for that
a week and a half or more and my shoulders are still sore
not normal fibro behavior maybe maybe some on this site have same
i went to a rheumatologist they said not arthritis but definitely fibr and others from birth that may be a first dont know
i cant describe the anger the rage to see those tools
to see all repairs house and care being paid for taken from me i bypassed a frozen compressor on a car s 2 shops said cant help others said have to tear it out
well its our only car so i looked close i cut the belt and 3 belts later i did what was claimed couldn't be dont
put me out a week but the wife got her car
im looking at 10 or so years of mobility with how out of hand and down hill its going
fibro and my lower back
you just dont know how pissed and just wanting to beat something it gets
i cant even do a taillight
not to mention how much i pay when i have u know what
i fight till it drops me i screw up and pust to fix things if im going im going kicking and screaming really loud
i refuse to sit and wallow i refuse to sit unless i have to
i have the fibro chronic everything and sleep apnea everything scream and tells i dont want to move everything screams lethargic and like tied down o no not havvin it i jump from chairs like i was bitten
the wife asked once why do you fly so fast out of bed because honey if i dont i wont
theres nothing left no docs no meds
im on cancer patches on my arms and oxy and now possibly anti inflammatory and muscle relaxants
since the rheumatologist found nothing now its my normal doc all other specialists have said cant do anymore
o forgot i got a gland in my brain dying and calcifying migraines i have passed out from a few times
i just saw a new neurologist and he finally said every med and option has been tried in my lifetime
just the pills for huge ones headaches everyday sometimes higher
i run out of my emergency migraine meds before refile time
so im loosing everything a good day is a 10 on there scale but i refuse to give to the pain and stop moving
and it just makes it worse all these special dos saying your screwed
just need to vent scream protest disobey faith and cuss and why do you punish me
false promises of no more than we can handle
you just pull it back together hid it apologize to him and try to see good and gifts given
my wife shelter food etc so hard to clearly see or focus on the positive
she always asks how can i listen to the same songs infinitely and so loud
my music is my sanity my escape my distraction for the mind to focus somewhere other than the hell of life
well thanks sorry and sorry i have very severe learning typing and others i see it but it wont come out or type wright so dont complain about my lack of skill or not being a perfect typing God your lucky if its spelled right