From bad to worse. OVER IT

[cherrygirl]

So I have officially broken up with my partner. But still living here and trying to decide what to do next...I don't have a job anymore or money. Applying, but very difficult in current state.

The pain is absolutely relentless. It has totally changed me as a person. I can understand why he didn't want to be with me. I don't even want to be around myself either. I don't want to be in my body at all. Everything hurts. I'm sure I've had this crap for over 10 years and it's just been getting worse and worse.

I have arthritis in my jaw, I feel like I have it all over my entire body (desperately want an MRI on my spine to check for it!). The pain is through skin and bone. Every time I breathe in my spine clicks and makes snapping noises, even the back of my head. I am wishing, hoping and praying that there is a God who will heal me. I am desperate.

Why can't I just function like everyone else? I wake up every morning feeling like i've been dropped on the floor (I did have a bad fall as a child so not sure if this is related).
The pain lasts all day, varying. Today NOTHING has helped. I am using heat pack, layed out in the sun and stretched, taking panadol and mersyndol. My ex was kind enough to massage my jaw for a bit.

How can I think ahead and plan for anything? I need to move on with my life but I can't. I cry every day because the pain just gets too much. Even my cry sounds different, an extremely pained cry. It's alien to me. I thought having IC was bad enough but this is NUTS. There's no relief to be found. I would attribute it to the feelings after surgery and having no pain killers (like when I had my wisdom teeth out). I've never had surgery elsewhere but I can imagine.


I have thought about ending my life so many times.
I am just existing, suffering and miserable. I'm sure anyone else in any other circumstance would be given adequate pain medication. I am really hoping that my dr will give me a patch (I can't take the cymbalta I grind my teeth, makes my pain worse).

ARGHHH!

 

[Trellum]

Hi there, cherrygirl. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I can tell you feel depressed, and I honestly understand why. This situation isn't easy at all, but depression can make things look even more grim than they actually are. I know it's hard to believe right now, but it is like that most of the time.

If you want my opinion... I really think your depression should be addressed by your doctor. This kind of things tend to get worse if left unattend, I know because I suffered from depression.

Please keep us posted!

 

[GemmaRowlands]

I am sorry to hear that you have split with your partner. Fibromyalgia can cause a huge amount of strain for any relationship, whether the final straw was the condition or not. The main problem is that because it is so poorly understood, people just don't realise the effect that it can have on sufferers, and can therefore lose their patience at times.

It is very important now that you are able to get your friends and family to help bring you through this. Make sure that you see them as often as you are able, and this includes inviting them round to your home where possible. If you don't feel up to making lunch, ask them to bring lunch for both of you - they're your friends, they will understand.

Also try to keep on top of your condition. Have regular meetings with your doctor to see how your medication is working, and whether there is anything that could be changed, and maybe try counselling for the psychological side of things.

I do hope that things get better for you soon, because this is a horrible illness for all involved; there's no two ways about it.

 

[Peninha]

I am so sorry to hear about all your situation cherry, I hope your situation can improve soon. You need to focus on your health, trying to relieve the pain, I am sure that when that happens a light in the end of the tunnel will appear.