First time

[BlueBells]

I would rather be in too much pain to get anything done but WANT to get things done than to have very little pain, but feel so lethargic that I don't even want to do anything.

That makes so much sense, but I am so fortunate that I do not have the pain (unless my brain isn't 'feeling' the pain).

I seem to have alert(ish) brain and the lethargy, or feeling active and brain is mashed spuds. When both are flat, I pretty much drift through the day unproductively, but when both are firing well..then I make great progress !!

My biggest issue is trying to not become angry at myself for not being able to do anything. I am not sure if that is fibro, but the fog and lethargy appear to be, I think.

 

[JayCS]

trying to not become angry at myself for not being able to do anything. I am not sure if that is fibro

Hmm, you think the your angriness might be a fibro mood issue? Maybe.
Probably more helpful to look at what you're expecting from yourself, I'd guess a more a stern rather than loving teacher/parent for a Li'l BlueBells - not helping you improve....

 

[BlueBells]

Hmm, you think the your angriness might be a fibro mood issue? Maybe.
Probably more helpful to look at what you're expecting from yourself, I'd guess a more a stern rather than loving teacher/parent for a Li'l BlueBells - not helping you improve....

Hadn't thought of it that way, but would make sense. I've lived with the "why haven't you?" "you should have" "you're being lazy" and I have been very good at keeping it up towards myself.

I'm trying very hard, since I've been diagnosed, to accept that I have limitations, and not beat myself up. I'm improving, but after 50 odd years, it's a very deep habit to break.

The friend that suggested I may have fibro said others he knows will become angry when they push too far, the overwhelm, then confusion, frustration and into anger. At oneself, but explodes at others.

 

[JayCS]

I'm improving, but after 50 odd years, it's a very deep habit to break.

One of the upsides, breaking that bad habit... as well as thru this social pressure and competition thing.
Fibro may be a focal point for it, but that last description fits to quite a few people I know without fibro!

 

[BlueBells]

One of the upsides, breaking that bad habit... as well as thru this social pressure and competition thing.
Fibro may be a focal point for it, but that last description fits to quite a few people I know without fibro!

Yes, I understand that. That's what I tend to think also, but one day my friend was here, helping me keep on track (when brain got lost, I'd ask what I was doing, he'd tell me, and back on track) and he asked if I wanted to take a break, I said no, and half hour later, without warning I just verbally attacked him.

I didn't mean to, was out of the blue, and he wasn't perturbed, he said the others do that when they push too much. If it's related to fibro, my take on it would be, as appears with everything fibro, one needs to read the signs and back off, aim for your goal, but take it down a few pegs, because too much, it crashes.

I'd describe it as born from the absolute frustration of not being able to do what one "should" be able to do, and refusing to accept one just can't attain those levels as much as one would like. Hence the self-anger. Usually I just yell at myself, then get depressed, and eventually get back to where I was, be it minutes, hours or days later.

I very much appreciate your discussion on this. Apart from my friend, I've only spoken in passing with a couple of others who have it, and it's not something for people to easy grasp. Heavens, I'm having enough trouble sorting it out

 

[sunkacola]

and refusing to accept one just can't attain those levels as much as one would like.

OK, Bluebells, this is the whole crux of your problem. You are refusing to accept what is.

This will always, always, create a lose-lose situation.
It is imperative to accept reality.
Fighting against it will only cause you frustration, pain, anger, and depression. As you are currently experiencing.

It's like this: Supposing that something bad happens in a person's life. Their car is stolen, house burns down, whatever. How much good could it ever possibly do for that person to stand there saying over and over "I cannot accept that my car (or house) is gone! I cannot accept that it is gone! This is unacceptable!"

If someone did that, you would immediately see, and possibly tell them, that they are wasting their energy and time. This is what happened, and you cannot change that. So, the person should spend their energy on doing what they CAN do now, after the fact. Get a new place to live. Get a new car. Make insurance reports, find people who are supportive, whatever needs to get done to handle the situation that exists right now, and to take care of things and self.

All the energy you spend NOT accepting your situation is wasted energy when you already don't have enough. Acceptance doesn't mean apathy or lack of action or complacency! It means that you fully accept that this is your reality, and so now you are going to do what you can about it right now. And what you are able to do changes from day to day.

Accept that, and believe me your life will be so much better. Trust me, I have been there and done that.

 

[BlueBells]

OK, Bluebells, this is the whole crux of your problem. You are refusing to accept what is.

Indeed !!!! You are so 100% correct !!! Thank you for your reply, and it makes sense to me.

What I am struggling with is "allowing" myself to accept it. I think that is the issue; actually, I know it's the issue. My friend keeps telling me that. He knows two of the other four people he knows with it, they are like me, except they steadfastly refuse to accept it. One pushes until near bed-ridden, and then does it over and over and has been that way for many years. Her opinion is she shouldn't have it so tries to ignore it.

After decades of searching for answers, I am finding them. I am trying to be kind to myself. I have also had decades of others expecting me to do everything, somehow I've muddled through, but I have ached for 'long service leave' but in one's own business and a mum, that doesn't happen. I've gradually just broken down.

I'm trying very hard, and my therapist is helping, to remove those 'expectations' and back way off. There are times when I can actually just watch movies all day without guilt-tripping myself. I feel in a much better space doing that, and it may be 1 to 3 days of that, then I am rejuvenated.

By saying I need to allow myself to accept it, I am learning to value myself, put 'me' first and nurture myself. After decades of being expected to jump to everyone's' wishes, this concept of valuing myself is quite foreign.

I struggle when my daughter tells me to back off, to think of myself. She actually yells at me on occasions, things like "mum, it's okay, you don't need to do that, okay?" She's really good about it.