Feeling so low in mood

[sinkorswim]

I haven't been on the site for a while. I thought I would login today and be able to be in a community of other people who understand.

I am so low in mood at the moment. I try so much to find ways to lift my mood and see the positives in my day. I have had weeks, and months like this before. Unfortunately this time I am struggling to keep up with the pace of life. I keep feeling like everyone else around me just knows how to do life. Pick themselves up and keep plodding on. I was talking to a friend who unfortunately did not listen but instead gave me so many suggestions that just felt like I was being fobbed off.

I hope I don't sound self-pitying. I just needed to share. And as I'm typing this, feel a bit better already!!!!

 

[sunkacola]

Hi @sinkorswim ....first, you don't sound at all self-pitying to me. You are just relaying how you are feeling, and those feelings are valid. I, for one, can fully relate to what you are saying, because all my life I have felt as though some people just seem to know how to do life and others don't, and I fall into the "don't" category. I still feel this way, so you have company.

Like you, I make a point of seeing the beauty and positives in my life, and being grateful for what I have, and this is very important, and good, but it doesn't change how we feel, actually. And at times how we feel is so low that others can't even see that far down. And sometimes we just want to be able to tell someone how we feel without that person trying to fix us, especially when we know that they can't fix it anyway.

I wish I could help, but I can't really except to say we are here for you and you can write on this forum how you are feeling any time. Many of us here understand and at least you are not alone.

 

[SBee]

Hello @sinkorswim I am sorry things are so hard for you right now. Living with a chronic illness, and the debilitating affects it has on us cannot be underestimated.
I  thought I mostly knew how 'do life' until health went downwards and then its trying to work out how to deal with this new life. For me,.sometimes I think I can adapt ok to how I see my life now- kind of reduced in a way, due to the restrictions of chronic fatigue and pain. Other times I really really dont.

Learning to enjoy the positives as @sunkacola says as do you, as do I are essential but some days they are hard to see.

But I really dont see how any of us can remain completely happy all the time - and thats the beauty of a forum such as this. A safe supportive place to vent, or speak honestly. I believe you did a good thing for yourself in reaching out. I hope you wont be hard on yourself - because as I see it you show yourself a kindness in coming here today.

 

[sunkacola]

But I really dont see how any of us can remain completely happy all the time

Hey..........people who do not have chronic pain or illness or other limiting and debilitating factors in their lives are not happy all the time, either, so none of us should ever give ourselves a hard time for being unhappy, depressed, overwhelmed, or anxious.

Just recently I read that over 50% of people in the USA when asked on a survey, identified themselves as being "depressed". Now, what that means exactly will be different for different people, and of course, some of those people are not really Depressed, only sad for the past month because of something that they will get over soon and forget about in time.

There's a huge difference between Depression, being sad or disappointed due to an isolated incident like losing one's job, being in grief over a loss, and just being over tired which can have all the same symptoms of depression. People don't necessarily know the differences, and will call all of them "depression", but anyone who has suffered with chronic clinical level Depression for years knows the difference.

Even so, the fact that close to the majority of Americans identify as "depressed" tells quite a huge story to me. And speaks to the human condition world-wide, because I am certain that in many if not most other countries the results would be or are the same. There's a sense of overwhelming hopelessness that a great many human beings face these days.

To be truly chronically depressed means that one is essentially never happy, never not-depressed. I have had people tell me that I seem to be just fine, or say to me "well, you were happy last night, you were laughing and having fun!", without realizing how unintentionally cruel those words are.

They only mean well when they say that, but are not able to see that most of us who deal with chronic Depression have learned to hide it well. We can put on a really good front. And sure, we can genuinely laugh at something and even have fun for a short time. But that doesn't mean that the black waters of the Depression are not still flowing very closely under the surface, waiting to overwhelm the person once they are no longer putting up the Good Face.

It takes courage to keep getting out of bed for many of us who are faced wit h chronic conditions of all kinds, both physical and mental. I hope that everyone reading t his will remember to give himself or herself a whole lot of credit for that.

 

[JamieMarc]

You already found one thing that helps yourself: reaching out to others, even if it's just writing. Especially others who understand.

I've struggled with what you describe my entire life from childhood to now almost 60. It's frustrating, yes, that life seems (SEEMS) so easy for others, but we don't know what they might be dealing with. Don't judge a book by it's cover. People have success living to varying degrees based upon innumerable variables, but the primary variable, IMHO, is our childhood and teen years. Were we shown love? Were we abused? Was our home a happy home? Etc, etc. I can trace my own MH problems back to those years of being abused and neglected by both parents, as well as the stigma, hate and bullying I experienced by society, schoolmates, family, etc for being gay.

Look at your own childhood and teen years and you may find some answers.

I've been in and out of therapy for decades and on anxiety meds on and off for 20 years. Before that, I used to self-medicate with alcohol. If you are experiencing months of depression continuously, that is clinical major depressive disorder. I recommend seeing your doctor and requesting a depression screening, then take it from there. For me, anti-depressants make matters worse, so I use other non-drug coping mechanisms. But for others, anti-depressant medication can be quite a game changer.

If not MDD, then remember we all, everyone on this planet, have depressive episodes. It's normal. Just a few days ago I was in a very deep depression, but the next day I was happy and enjoying life.

Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone and that you found these forums and opened up about your mental health to others who get it. We'll accept you just the way you are.

On a final note, please be proactive about treating your depression. Depression can be a silent killer. And always speak out about it as you have here. It really does make you feel better.

Hugs!

 

[Badger]

Depression can be a silent killer

Very true as I've seen with some family and friends we've lost. @sinkorswim I'd say that expressing yourself here is wise and resourceful, rather than bottle it up and suffer. If one can be kind to themselves and hold on to healthy habits, despite their difficulty, they may not always suffer unnecessarily.

 

[JamieMarc]

Some things I have learned to stop doing to have peace in my life, and still learning. I read this every day and pick one to work on that day or one that I have allowed to sneak back into my behavior. It's very personal, but I wanted to share it here because it might help someone else.

Old habits are hard to break, but do anything consistently and regularly and it will/can become a habit. These are specific to me and may not apply to whoever is reading this, but pick and choose what applies to you and you will find that behavioral changes like these can help ward off depression and bring much peace.

I vow to stop:

• ARGUING with people

• BEATING MYSELF up and putting myself down

• thinking that I am LESS THAN anyone

• wasting energy on ONE SIDED RELATIONSHIPS

• OVERCOMMITTING MY TIME when I didn't have the energy

• living according to SOMEONE ELSE'S STANDARDS

• accepting and EXCUSING TOXIC BEHAVIOR because that was more comfortable than change

• NEEDING PERMISSION to live my life in the way that I choose

• ALLOWING DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY members to steal my joy

• TRYING TO FIX PEOPLE as an "act of love"

• DISCARDING MY BOUNDARIES to fit (uncomfortably) in other people's lives

• PRETENDING to be happy when I was hurting

• SILENCING MY VOICE and not naming MY NEEDS

• OVERTHINKING about my past and things I cannot change

• HOLDING ON to people I have OUTGROWN simply because of the time invested

• GOING ALONG to get along

• OVERLOOKING MY BLESSINGS and COMPARING my life to someone else's

• WORRYING/FEARING what will become of me and what my future will look like

• ABANDONING MYSELF, my truth, and my integrity in order to FIT IN

• WAITING FOR EXTERNAL VALIDATION to boost my confidence

• TRYING TO CHANGE PEOPLE who were committed to staying the same

• BLAMING MYSELF for the bad behavior of others

 

[Badger]

That's an excellent idea with some food for thought in the list. Proactive and kind to yourself. I imagine it could help one to have courage and compassion.

 

[SBee]

I agree @Badger. A very strong, honest confident post by @JamieMarc. Maybe it will inspire others to write their own vows to themselves.

Many members ( me included) may not feel courageous to post their vows on the forum of course, but for some it may be a way to write their own, and keep them private to hopefully inspire a positive and gradual change.

 

[Badger]

Maybe it will inspire others to write their own vows to themselves.

I think I might try it, I did try writing Haiku. It's so easy to find oneself in a vicious circle of negative thoughts, practising a few kind ones sounds like a nice change.

 

[SBee]

Thats a good point @Badger specifying the kinder thoughts to ourselves, something that seems a little hard for many of us to do.

I am fortunate in having a charity offer me MH wise, the issues that come up with living with an autoimmune illness. She asked me if I feel I offer myself enough kindness to my self. The silence was pretty deafening... I wonder why some of us cannot seem to do so?

I do need to try harder to ensure, because as you say, the negatives always seem to come out on top. I need to think about writing a few honest 'one liners' down myself, not so I overwhelm my crowded head but just as a gentle daily reminder.