Depression

[Heavenjumper]

I have been taking it for 4 days now, the last 2 of which I've been dealing with a migraine as well, so I'm not sure if it's helping yet or not. The doctor said it could take a few weeks of taking it to see a noticeable difference, so we'll see how it does. I understand what you mean about so few counselors/therapists giving any kind of good result. I've been to several that did nothing but take up my time and insurance money. I have had 1 good one also, but somewhat like yours, that was in another state.
I'm so sorry to hear that the lawyers turned things around on you like that, that should be illegal. How much pain someone feels or can tolerate shouldn't be put on trial.

Everything these days is so money driven it's disgusting. Everybody seems to be in it for the money rather than helping people anymore. It's a sad example of what this world is becoming. It makes it that much harder for patients like all of us to get the treatment and attention we need to even stay functional.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I have not yet lost a friend or partner, but my mother died suddenly 3 years ago and we were so close, it was devastating. My heart goes out to you, you do need someone to be able to talk to and visit with. I know it's not the same because we're all so far away from each other, but you can consider us friends. We're all here for you as much as is possible. Sending hugs your way!

 

[sunkacola]

Thanks very much, Heavenjumper. I appreciate your saying that.

I am very sorry about your Mom. When my mother died I felt as if I were cut adrift in the universe. I had never been dependent on her at all, had not even lived near her since I left home at 17, but she was always just there, in the world, being my mother, and it was devastating when she died only a year after my Dad died. They were the only family I had that cared about me at all. So I know how dreadful it feels to lose a parent.

Let me know how the medication is for you; I am interested to know how you are doing once you have been on it a while.

 

[diamond]

i identify so much with this thread and your feelings and situations. I too have had in the past a doctor tell me my pain must be somatic pain..they dont understand the pain comes first then the anxiety and depression sets in as a result when life takes a dive, and we loose our independance careers and friends drift away and even partners get fed up with us and all our symptoms and limitations...even when we know we are trying our absolute best.

Even if it is the other way round and depression comes first, the pain is real and nothing like the word somatic conjures up..i honestly have felt in the past like punching the doctor in frustration or just retreat and get on with it all the best i can...LOL and i am the most gentle person but its sooo frustrating when you are suffering and they make out its all in your head or it cant be that bad!

At least we have each other but i know its not like having a bestie pop round for tea ....most of my friends too ahve drifted away as i cant keep up with activities and when my pain is bad for so long i feel im so boring now and have little to offer aside from being a listening ear for them.

i also get very bad reaction to almost all meds and nothing so far has helped the pain to any degree anyway. I am not a great advocate of medication poisoning our bodies but if i could find the magic pill that did help and not too bad side affects of course i would jump at it to give me some quality of life back.

Hugs to all x

 

[vickythecat]

I have to mention animals again, and how important and valuable they are to us all.

I also would not be here if I did not have my cats.

I have always been let down by humans - raped, abused, abandoned, bullied, fired from jobs with no reason, lied to, been made invisible etc. I could never have my own human children, but planet earth decided to give me my feline sons. I found them as 10 day old kittens when I am in my darkest time. I was recovering from a serious suicide attempt, feeling more like a failure and a loser for failing to achieve that. These beings brought meaning and purpose into my life. And most of all, they brought me love.

Since I became their mama, that is now 11 years ago, I have learned to love. Love so deeply that I feel it in every part of my soul. I am often overwhelmed about how much I am capable of loving. And every day I thank my boys for that. They are my life. My light, my reason for existence. The reason why I have to fight every dark moment, every dark thought. Because there is always love.

 

[diamond]

I 'm so glad you have your lovely boy kittys..and that they give your life meaning and purpose. I had 2 ginger boys and they lived to 17 and 18 and both have died in recent years. I totally get the comfort and unconditional love as well as fun and reason to get up when life is so bleak they give.

Of course you have love to give..it sounds like you have had a very hard life and lots of huge knocks and i know from other threads you are like me very sensitive. I think some of us feel things to a degree other human beings dont..like we are LOL kind of made with a different wiring..we dont get other people and they dont get us!

I love my son to pieces but my cats came a close second! Especially one of them was like a baby, let me carry him around the garden dropping kisses on his head and he would tap my face for more...., they came for walks running at my heels for quite a distance running out of other peoples gardens as we live in a fairly wooded area..cat heaven!

I loved them both, although very different..they slept each side of my bed during the day and never stole each others side...and in the morning both would be scratching at my bedroom door until i got up and the babyish one who was a very big boy, like a baby lion would be so desperate for cuddles he would jump on my lap while i was sat on the loo..he couldnt even wait until got downstairs. Such happy memories

Enjoy your cats Vicky..they are lucky to have you as their Mama.

 

[sunkacola]

Hooray for our animals. Without my dogs to keep me, I would just not be here at all. They are my companions and best buddies, and the only source of love and touching and companionship that I have. I would like to have a human friend, but at least I have the dogs. I have never had a dog break my heart of betray my trust or turn on me the way that human beings will, and they won't abandon you, either. they don't care what you look like or what your energy level is, only that you are kind to them. And they give a hundred times back all that they receive.

I had a wonderful cat for 17 years, and he was my soul-mate. I never thought it would be possible to feel that way about another animal, but one of my dogs has taken that role, and is the most important thing in my life - my heart, my breath. Loving him and my other animals is the best thing in my life.

Even so, I wish I had a human friend. Always in my life I have had a good friend, no matter where I was living, and I have moved around a lot. No matter where I went I made at least one really good friend with whom I could share my thoughts and whom I could help when they needed help. Three and a half years ago I had the two best friends I have ever had and both are gone.

I have no one and wonder if the whole rest of my life will be like this: no one to talk to. I have no idea how to go about finding a new friend; I am not a social person and don't make friends easily, (although in the past I always just found new friends or they found me and it was easy, but for some reason now it is not)......and right now I don't know anyone who is even a potential good friend. I know people as peripheral friends, but we never see each other. No one ever calls me. Literally, never. Everyone is busy with their lives and most have partners which I don't, and we are not close enough for me to call them just to talk. Months go by and if I did not work part time I would literally never speak to another person! I really do not know what to do about this. It is pretty lonely, in human company terms. But all the same, I am very grateful for the animals.

 

[Chinodera]

1. Eat a “happy” diet

Eating healthy can help with mood in general, but there are some foods that can help with serotonin, the chemical in the brain that contributes to “happy.” Prozac, for example, works by inhibiting serotonin reuptake inhibitors, which raises the levels in your brain. Some foods are serotonin enhancers, helping to raise those levels naturally. They include:

-Fish-oil, rich in Omega-3 fatty acids
-Healthy fat, such as coconut oil
-Flaxseed oil
-Sour cherries
-Eggs

 

[vickythecat]

Hooray for our animals. Without my dogs to keep me, I would just not be here at all. They are my companions and best buddies, and the only source of love and touching and companionship that I have.

I had a wonderful cat for 17 years, and he was my soul-mate.

No one ever calls me. Literally, never. Everyone is busy with their lives and most have partners which I don't, and we are not close enough for me to call them just to talk. Months go by and if I did not work part time I would literally never speak to another person! I really do not know what to do about this. It is pretty lonely, in human company terms. But all the same, I am very grateful for the animals.

I totally know how you feel. As much as I have been let down by humans all my life, I, being a human (duh!) do need human interaction as well. No one has called my phone in 3 years - I had to bring in my phone for a repair and was ashamed of its call history. Outgoing calls - only business numbers and no incoming calls from 'people'... Now that I am also no longer employed, there are days I do not speak to any human for days.

That said, I do have 2 whatsapp contacts - my internet buddies. That does help I have to admit. You could maybe try that. It is not the full friendship, but it is better than nothing I suppose.

I love how you said your cat was your soulmate - my cats feel the same for me too. Many humans do not get that - I guess we are extremely lucky that we have been privileged to find soulmates in our feline friends. Other humans are surely missing out

And dogs....in the country where I currently live, there are a lot of stray dogs (and cats). It is a very sad situation. People are often scared of them, avoid them, constantly shoo them away, but these dogs often just need love. And once they know you and they see you out on the street...how they run up to you just to be cuddled up...., the joy in their eyes, in their body...the wagging tail....no words to describe that feeling.

 

[Chinodera]

Aim for at least 15 minutes of sunlight a day to boost your mood. If you live somewhere with little winter sunshine, try using a light therapy box. Practice relaxation techniques. A daily relaxation practice can help relieve symptoms of depression, reduce stress, and boost feelings of joy and well-being.

 

[sunkacola]

Thanks for trying to help, Chinodera. But I eat a very healthy diet every day, and since I live in the desert there is no lack whatever of sunlight at any time of year. None of those kinds of things - diet or light therapy - has alleviated my depression even slightly over the years. Believe me, if there is anything that I have not already tried it has to be something really very new that I have not heard of yet. I have tried a pretty impressive array of things.
And if there is a new drug or therapy I haven't tried, I will try it. I have always tried my best to fight depression; I am responsible and always do my best to appear to the outside world that I am OK. Only very rarely does it manage to win for a few days to the point that I cannot do anything.

But it is a constant struggle to maintain the appearance of someone who is Ok both mentally and physically, when in fact I am not even remotely fine on either level. And this is more exhausting than anyone can imagine unless they are doing it. I often feel as the years go by as though I cannot keep it up.

One time, the depression went away. (!!) It was about 8 years ago and I never could figure out anything that would have made that happen. but for four whole years I never got depressed. I had normal ups and downs, but never depression. I had never before in my life, since the age of 12, gone even one whole year without a major depression. But for whatever reason, I did not get depressed for four years. It was like a miracle, and I was the most grateful and happy person in the world, just to be "normal". Then, 4 years ago, my beloved and wonderful partner and companion died, very suddenly and very tragically, and I was in severe grief for 2 years and then the depression took over again, and has never let up since.

 

[sunkacola]

Vicky the Cat,
I so get what you are saying. No one calls my phone either! Unless it is a client calling or a prospective client wanting me to work for them. I also go for days without talking to a person. I go for months at a time without having a personal conversation with anyone. Even since my partner died it seems I no longer have any friends. It turns out this is common - people report all the time that when someone they love dies everyone else sort of vanishes from their life. I don't understand it, but I don't ever even pretend that I could understand human beings.

I like dogs quite a bit better than people. but, like you Vicky, being human I actually need human contact as well. I wish I didn't. And I think I need a lot less than most people do, because I have been a pretty solitary person all my life. But I need some.

What country do you live in, Vicky? (Just curious, of course you don't need to tell me if you don't want to).

 

[1sweed]

sunkacola,
Your not alone in this feeling of wanting someone to be a friend, a partner to help make your days a little less depressing and to have someone to share the good and the bad with. I think you will find many of us in that same boat. I myself feel so lonely at times that I find it hard to manage getting through a day, but then I pick myself up by starting a project where I can direct my energy toward something positive instead of dwelling on just negative thoughts. I try to pick something fun like planting flowers or doing a craft or redoing a room in my house, etc..

Years ago fibro knocked me flat and I lost my job and my husband, and my self-worth. I too went through years of counseling some good and some bad, but always with a sense that I was moving forward toward that goal of less depression and anxiety. I think we need to step back and focus on our selves once in a while to truly see where we are and where we want to be. It is so easy to keep going blindly without thoughts of tomorrow always in a state of depression never thinking to stop and decide what we want out of life and what we can do for ourselves to help make it happen.

Sometimes medication helps but I would start at a low dose and work up if needed. Don't let fear hold you back as there are medications to help improve mood that don't have serious side effects. I don't know what State you live in but many have mental health clinics that operate on a sliding scale payment plan going by your income. You might pay only 7 dollars for a clinic visit. I know Florida has several of these type of counseling centers, as well as, many other states as well.

And lastly your not alone anymore you have all of us to be your cyber friends, which gives you a place to talk and vent, and also receive hugs and kind words when your having a bad day. Is it going to fill the empty spot in your heart? Well maybe not completely but it is a start in a new direction. We are glad your here and we hope you keep coming to post and make new friends, as you learn coping skills and ways to make the going a bit easier.

 

[diamond]

The conversations here are so heartwarming....the people on this thread contributing all understand each other...loneliness isolation wanting that special human contact with someone you can connect with and accept you....i can tell just by reading this and other threads by several people that you would make wonderful compassionate loyal friends...even with fibro and depression..these do not stop the mind being full of love and caring..infact i think they makes us more compassionate and genuine people and friends.

I wish we could all meet up for English Tea and cake or coffee for those who prefer coffee..but as we cant then lets count our small blessings today that we do have each other on this forum to share our real vulnerable selves with.

Maybe for those who are totally alone there are other online groups for making friends. I have recently discovered that you can pay for a companion services ..someone to call around for a drink and a chat..or share a hobby or watch a movie.

It was my son who found out about this service as he can also see my illness means my circle of friends has drastically diminished over the last decade due to fibro and me giving up driving.

Obviously you need to match with the right kind of person....i do believe that while this starts as a service the people employed are very caring so they do the job also to feel valued.

The other way depending what country you live is voluntary work..this may not have to be taxing or very frequent but it might be a way to make a friend if you picked something easy and non active so to speak.

It sounds sunkacola like maybe you live somewhere more remote as you mention dessert....so maybe none of these are possible for you...if i was nearby lol i would definitaly want to be your friend and vicky and 1sweed too..we all sound similar..love our animals and are sensitive souls....we just need to grow wings to fly country to country to get to each other!

 

[sunkacola]

Thank you again, everyone who is writing in this thread and responding to me and to other people. I feel for all of you.
Diamond, if only we could all meet for tea. I bet we'd all make a new friend.
I wish I knew what to do to help myself, because if I did then maybe I could put out a hand to help someone else up too, but I don't know what to do.

I am so low in my heart and mind and spirit today that I don't even want to be here on this beautiful planet any longer at all. I love this planet but I am so low I cannot even enjoy a beautiful day.

I have no one to talk with about this. I tried, with a new "possible friend" that I met recently and all he did was immediately turn the whole thing around to talk...............at *great* length.....................about his problems.
Like, he has not had a girlfriend for six months. Oh poor him.

I am sorry. I try to be sympathetic. But your problem is that you have not had a girlfriend for six months?
I have not had anyone to even have a personal conversation with for well over a year.
It is like complaining that you cannot find kumquats in your favorite store to someone who has not had anything to eat for a month.

There is no one I can call when I feel as though I want to die. The way I feel today. And, of course dying is always an option we have but I cannot just die because there is no one who would take good care of my dearly beloved animals, and I love them more than anything in the world and cannot do that to them. Sometimes I wish they were not here, because then I could die and be done with this. But, I look at their loving faces and know that I cannot ever abandon them on purpose. Never. They are good animals, never do anything bad. I don't even know what would happen to them if I died in an accident! I hate to think what would become of them.

Diamond, your suggestion on volunteer work is a good one. Except that I was doing volunteer work and just three days ago I was told that I was no longer wanted because I had not done enough. I had done what I could do, sometimes even when it caused me to be in pain, and I had kept current with the director, telling her that I had physical problems. I always showed up when I said I would and did my best. But it was not enough. So now I feel completely useless, and I am sure not going to try volunteering again. It's hard to do, anyway, while also working a few days a week at a very demanding job.

I worked my butt off for a lot of years and finally bought my own home so that I could have the peace and quiet I absolutely need and if you own your place you can't get kicked out. I need that security at this point in my life, and for years I have been able to tell myself....well, at least I have my home!
Now they are planning to build a huge freeway only the equivalent of about 1.5 blocks from my house so unless it is stopped my life here is over and I have no idea what to do. I don't have the energy, physically or emotionally, to find a new place and move, and I have no one to help me with anything. If they build that road my life will be over and I have no idea what to do. I am down about as far as a person can go.