children, husband, family and holidays STRESS oh my

[sunkacola]

If one or both of the daughters already has debts does this not mean that they over spend, and spend beyond their income? They will do this whether they have this amount or that amount then. So some of it may as well come to you to help you as get wasted on goodness knows what. Needing to pay rent would help them. It would help them to grow up and become more adult and responsible and capable. I had to give my mother all of my money as from the age of 15, I was only allowed my bus fares to work. She did it because she was greedy and could be very cold and cruel, not for my sake. I really resented it and it was not at all necessary as she had plenty of income from herself and hubby. But I have learned a lot about money and have never been in debt ever, even when I was unemployed and could barely pay for food I never got into debt, I made jams and quiches and sold them to local shops, I took in two lodgers and rented out two rooms to them so that I could pay the rent, there are always ways you can do it yourself without having to sell your soul. When buying my first house I bought it cash.

I just want to point out that it is always very easy for us, at our significant remove by being on the internet, to think we know what a situation is or what to do about it. But it is very important to remember that we do not know one single thing more than what someone has told us in a post. We do not know why someone is in debt unless we are told, and to my understanding Notsogrimreaper has not told us why the daughters are in debt. It could be something that was not in any way their own fault or connected with their spending habits at all. We don't know. I think it is always wise to hold back judgement or advice based on assumptions of the situation of another.

I think it is good to remember this when responding to another person on the forum, in order to avoid hurting someone's feelings or making them feel angry or defensive. We all tend to rush to judgement at times, myself included, but the more we can temper this and think it over before making assumptions, the better we can support one another here.