I hate feeling so useless
Submitted by twiztc on Wed, 01/15/2014 - 16:16
It's bad enough dealing with the day to day ups and downs of having a debilitating illness but then to get sick with even the most minor of germ and bugs is really hard emotionally and physically. I can shrug off a case of the sniffles and can make light of a mild case of a cold but anything more than that and I feel totally useless and I really hate relying on others even though these days I have to more and more.
I keep reading that Fibro in a condition that is static, that it is not supposed to worsen over time but over the years, especially this last year I am struggling more each day.
I have come to terms with the fact I can't move boulders anymore or rip down walls to rebuild or throw around gear boxes. It's the little things that really annoy. Picking days where I can use the vacuum cleaner, being able to cut my dinner up without shooting pains or (and this one often make me do that silly cry laugh) wipe myself in the manner of which us girlies are always taught to prevent infection after going to the loo.
All the things that are almost instinctive that 'normal' people don't even have to think about. Every little action has to be weighed and measured. 'can I manage that today?? Will it take too much energy? Will it prevent me from functioning on some level tomorrow '
I don't like having too much time on my hands to think of such things but I'm sick and can do less than usual and can't stop thoughts like these and more circling my Grey matter.
I keep reading that Fibro in a condition that is static, that it is not supposed to worsen over time but over the years, especially this last year I am struggling more each day.
I have come to terms with the fact I can't move boulders anymore or rip down walls to rebuild or throw around gear boxes. It's the little things that really annoy. Picking days where I can use the vacuum cleaner, being able to cut my dinner up without shooting pains or (and this one often make me do that silly cry laugh) wipe myself in the manner of which us girlies are always taught to prevent infection after going to the loo.
All the things that are almost instinctive that 'normal' people don't even have to think about. Every little action has to be weighed and measured. 'can I manage that today?? Will it take too much energy? Will it prevent me from functioning on some level tomorrow '
I don't like having too much time on my hands to think of such things but I'm sick and can do less than usual and can't stop thoughts like these and more circling my Grey matter.
Comments
Anonymous
Sun, 01/29/2017 - 01:48
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Hi, I sympathize with your feelings here. I have some of the same feelings some times. It is difficult when personal every day things you used to do with ease becomes a chore.I am new too so about all I can say is for you to keep hope and keep reading here and maybe you will find some comfort emotionally.I'm sorry you are suffering these problems also. I wish much luck.Just remember you are not alone.Ann
Anonymous
Sun, 01/29/2017 - 01:48
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I feel the same way most of the time. I have worked full time for 30yrs to help pay bills. (No kids, but a husband who acts like a teenager and having mid life crisis) and now all he cares about is his bike and his 'friends.' He has not an ounce of sympathy for what it takes out of me to clean the house and pick up after him. Two nights ago, he decided after we cleaned and raked and pruned trees in our yard all day, that we should go for a ride in the side by side before supper. I had only eaten raspberries and a banana that day, so it was supposed to be a quick trip out back...He lied...he had made arrangements to go riding with his 'friends' and brought me along. They started driving through puddles and splashing each other and me! There is still ice on the puddles! I got sooo cold and we were out there for hours riding around in that cold wind. Two days later, I am still in a full flare. My whole body feels like its burning. and I get really cold. Feels like someone beat me up with a baseball bat! and my hands are swollen and sore. I tried soaking in Epsom salts and taking advil but it still hurts. The only time it lets up is if I smoke a joint. UGH!
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