Stressed and super stiff

[Bambi]

I’m turning 70 next month and while slightly overweight, I’ve been in fair shape. 5’5 with short legs. Currently 163. I can walk/hike at least 4 miles with no issues. We walk about a mile a day regularly. I’ve always been awkward and am less so now than as a child. Never an athlete and hate skating or bike riding. We are in the car on our first day of a 2 week road trip. We’re meeting my older sister and her husband for a week at a resort area and then heading off for a week on our own. Love my sister but I’ve been stressed for months about this trip as our values/views are polar opposites. I’m the peacemaker . On top of that, a friend was suddenly in ICU and now hospice in the last 2 weeks and we’ve had to figure out if we should leave. So stress and sadness. I’ve increasingly felt intense all over stiffness and pain, with areas like knee and hip stirred up. I usually am excited about leaving on a road trip but am scared of how much stiffness I have. We signed up for a hiking/snorkeling trip for next January that I plan to train for when we get home . I spent the last few months losing about 7 lbs only to regain most of it since Easter. I’m embarrassed about how I look.There’s a PT/Pilates place near our house I plan to check out once home. Has anyone else suddenly had very awkward stiffness? Is this worsening fibro or something else? I’m near tears this morning.

 

[MissNeverWell]

I’m turning 70 next month and while slightly overweight, I’ve been in fair shape. 5’5 with short legs. Currently 163. I can walk/hike at least 4 miles with no issues. We walk about a mile a day regularly. I’ve always been awkward and am less so now than as a child. Never an athlete and hate skating or bike riding. We are in the car on our first day of a 2 week road trip. We’re meeting my older sister and her husband for a week at a resort area and then heading off for a week on our own. Love my sister but I’ve been stressed for months about this trip as our values/views are polar opposites. I’m the peacemaker . On top of that, a friend was suddenly in ICU and now hospice in the last 2 weeks and we’ve had to figure out if we should leave. So stress and sadness. I’ve increasingly felt intense all over stiffness and pain, with areas like knee and hip stirred up. I usually am excited about leaving on a road trip but am scared of how much stiffness I have. We signed up for a hiking/snorkeling trip for next January that I plan to train for when we get home . I spent the last few months losing about 7 lbs only to regain most of it since Easter. I’m embarrassed about how I look.There’s a PT/Pilates place near our house I plan to check out once home. Has anyone else suddenly had very awkward stiffness? Is this worsening fibro or something else? I’m near tears this morning.

A lot going on in your life and so many variables, making it hard to sort out which is which. In terms of the stiffness, can you think of anything you did differently recently - even something simple like squatting to take a photo or steep inclines when hiking or cleaning out a lower cupboard? What about wind/cold (my body tenses up, particularly the neck, under these conditions)? Physical triggers aside, te stress of indecision and worry can cause stiffness/physical tension, as can shock and anticipatory grief (your friend ending up in ICU and hospice). The weight gain might be part and parcel of all of this, especially since stress increases blood sugar levels, and of course, puts extra stress on the musculoskeletal system.

 

[SBee]

Also @Bambi

when I am very stressed all my fibro and other symptoms feel intensified. Especially the all over stiffness. As best you can, try to be as kind as you can yourself while in so many difficult positions and decisions.

 

[JamieMarc]

@Bambi
You are experiencing a lot of stress right now, and we know that the cortisol released by stress can wreak havoc in our bodies. I am sorry for all that you are going through. I recently went through the same thing as you, and my body suffered from it, from the additional stress.

I think that what I would do, speaking for myself if I were experiencing what you are, is try to remove as much of the stress from your life as you can. And two, learn how to manage and cope with stress. There are so many ways that we can deal with stress so it would be literally impossible for me to go through all of them. You probably know what works best for you at your age. I find that my faith, meditation and mindfulness, engaging in favorite hobbies, getting outdoors into nature and reaching out and hanging out with friends are the best stress relievers for me.

Remember that if you cannot accept it, change it. And if you cannot change it, let It Go. Don't fight change. Everything is impermanent. Everything is constantly changing, including our emotions. Live fully in the moment, not in the past or in the future.

I wish you the best and I wish I could offer something more helpful. But try to have faith that this too shall pass. I suspect that this is a temporary worsening of your symptoms brought on by all of this stress that you are experiencing. But it would be unwise to discount something else physical going on with your fibromyalgia or another health issue. So, seeing your doctor would also not hurt and speaking with him or her about what's going on.

Best wishes!

 

[Badger]

Remember that if you cannot accept it, change it. And if you cannot change it, let It Go. Don't fight change. Everything is impermanent. Everything is constantly changing, including our emotions. Live fully in the moment, not in the past or in the future.

Very well said, difficult, but always worth while reflecting on.

 

[SBee]

Am 100% with you on that @Badger and @JamieMarc

Acceptance is maybe the hardest part, and just when I think I've got it, along comes something new\worse, so then I need to work more to understand that new problem work with that, then begin accept it. I need to say that's a seriously hard thing to do sometimes.

Because over the past couple of years I know that for me, fighting things I cannot fully change makes me far worse. I need to eliminate what stress I can, not add to it.
Life can be hard, but how we choose to deal with it makes a huge difference.

 

[Auriel]

Hi Bambi welcome to our forum , my fibro can get much worse in times of stress, cold weather, poor nights sleep ... I think your doing really well considering, if you feel you want to stay and be with your friend then do that? (I've wasted many years out of guilt, obligation and people pleasing) your health and how you feel is more important (trip's can be rearranged) either way only you can decide

 

[JamieMarc]

fighting things I cannot fully change makes me far worse. I need t

So true! Exactly the same for me. I have a responsibility to myself to do all that I can to act to better myself and my life, but once I have exhausted something or continue doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results, the definition of insanity right?, I too get far worse. It's like constantly fighting the current instead of allowing it to carry you along.

I still have things in my life that I haven't fully accepted. And new things will always come along. So what do we do? We adjust our sails. I am constantly doing this over and over again. I guess you could stay I'm still finding my course, finding my bearings. Not just with my fibromyalgia, but in other areas of my life as well.

 

[SBee]

Hah @JamieMarc think you've written that post for me!

None of us at saints, we're humans and all messed up a bit one way or another. It's natural to want change the more negative things in life, but we can't win 'am all. So yep, I stop fighting if the battle simply can't be won, yet still try be the best I can. I just have to change my perspective or attitude to the situation, and that can take time.

But like you there are things I can never, ever, accept and I'm actually ok with that, they are out of my control anyway. They don't deserve to be in my mind if I can help it.

I love your analogy using water and sails -( I am massively sea sick on the calmest of water, ) but I love the thought of letting the current take us rather than fight it. That's in my head now .Nice one

 

[sunkacola]

But like you there are things I can never, ever, accept and I'm actually ok with that, they are out of my control anyway. They don't deserve to be in my mind if I can help it.

One thing I always try to impress upon myself (and remind other people) is that Radical Acceptance doesn't mean Approval! So, for instance, my #1 concern is always animals. Any form of cruelty or neglect of animals is 100% "unacceptable" to me no matter what or where. So it would be something that you might say I don't accept. Instead, however, the acceptance comes in my accepting the fact that this does occur. Not saying that it is OK that it happens, since it never is or could be. Just accepting that this is a fact.

And that allows me to, rather than agonizing about the utter injustice and wrongness of some animal cruelty, or spending time with thoughts about how horrible it is, use all of my energy to do something about it, if I can. And, if I cannot do anything about it because it's already over or on the other side of the world, to accept that this happened, accept that it was terrible and wrong, and accept that I couldn't do anything about it.

It may sound like splitting hairs or something. But for me the concept of accepting everything, leaving out nothing, is so useful that I apply it to everything all of the time. If I remind myself that there is always, no matter what, a place of acceptance, then it really helps me to practice accepting myself and my world and my limitations without exception If I were to say that there are things I don't accept, it would make it much harder for me to do that.

Of course, this is what works for me, and I'm not saying everyone else needs to do it this way! But I think it is worthwhile for everyone to try the practice of Radical Acceptance, applying it to everything without exception, just to see if it might work for you.

 

[SBee]

I think @sunkacola I have fully accepted the one huge incident I refer to in my life has actually happened. I do accept that of course. It is a solid fact,I don't deny it.

But the consequences of what this has altered in myself ( in no way of my own making) is immense. It is too big a thing for myself as a person to have in my mind. So my way of dealing with this, ( no right way or wrong way, just my way) is, when it rears up in my mind, is to acknowledge it is real, that it happened and then kind of wave it away.
It has no right to be there. It was not something that involved me, just I got hit totally from the fall out and I am no longer willing to let that happen. I deserve better than that.

I am stupid tired today so my brain may not be functioning fully enough to completely understand your reply in this thread. I will reread tomorrow as I know you do offer valuable thoughts and insights and I want to read it again when I can take it in properly

 

[Auriel]

yet still try be the best I can

And it shows

 

[SBee]

Oh @Auriel you total sweetheart. Thank you for that. ❤. The big word is  try because as we all know it's bloody hard work some days, dependant on pain levels, mind levels and just Life levels - as you know yourself. Extra big for you today.

 

[sunkacola]

So my way of dealing with this, ( no right way or wrong way, just my way) is, when it rears up in my mind, is to acknowledge it is real, that it happened and then kind of wave it away.

To me, this sounds like a very healthy way to deal with this. And it fits right in with the concept of Radical Acceptance. It also is part of several different meditation techniques some of which are thousands of years old, so you are in very good company with this technique!

 

[SBee]

Well @sunkacola I am very much a novice beginning some meditation but even so I do try to limit the effects some stressy situations with a more controlled breathing.
Maybe we sometimes deal with things in our lives\minds in an unconscious manner? It's not avoidance as such, as there is no denial, but I guess it is more of a case of acceptance of the actual fact, and then by ( as I put it ) waving it away from my thoughts to ensure I don't allow myself to be bogged down by something that happened in the past.

Referring to your previous post, I am beginning to understand the difference of acceptance whilst not approval of a fact or occurrence.