significant other

[lynn77]

How do you get along with your spouse or significant other as it relates to fibromyalgia? I have found that the worse I feel, the more arguments my husband and I have. You know the old saying, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." How do you all deal with your close relationships when your pain is bad?

 

[TinaL]

Hi lynn77 I agree when we are in pain/stressed our patience is lowered and we get testy. On the other hand my Hubby knows when I am in bad pain and he knows to leave me alone. He is there if I need/want him but he kinda stays in the background and tries not to ruffle my feathers. Maybe it's because I am a red head and he knows what a red head's temper is like, just a little joke.

 

[mweber]

My marriage has undergone a tremendous strain with my fibromyalgia. Sometimes, I will vent and complain to my husband and all he says is "sorry". That is his standard answer for everything. I can't blame him, because what else is he supposed to say....he can't fix it, but sometimes I am looking for a little consoling. So then I get mad and the cycle never ends. This coupled with my daughter's autism has put my husband in a constant state of denial. Thanks for listening.

 

[kmpisces]

There can be a lot of stress on a relationship or marriage when someone suffers from Fibro. I do think that it seems disagreements increase when not feeling well. I think sometimes our loved ones worry about us so much that they become frustrated. Sometimes it just comes out in the wrong way.

 

[cinderr]

The common denominator in our relationship seems to be pain and lack of money. The stress created from lack of money probably triggers added pain. Other than that, we seem okay but I remember before his pain became intense, he was not so understanding. That led to guilt from me, always apologizing because of the many things I am unable to do. Today, though, we eat dinner together and go off to our separate corners to rest and recuperate.
I would love to take a long walk like we used to, discuss our day.

 

[cinderr]

My thought is that they get so immune to our groans and cries of pain, they easily ignore it. If it is frustrating for them, they have no idea how frustrating it is for the ones writhing in pain everyday! Sometimes I remind my husband to make sure I'm alive when he goes off to work in the morning! He may think I'm joking but I'm not!
Last night I was lying on the couch before dinner. I was surprised by a new sharp pain in a new area---not pleasantly surprised, I assure you. No matter how I moved, I could not get off that darn couch! Each time I tried, I let out a loudish gasp of pain! Neither of my roommates noticed at all so I forced myself through the pain until I could get up!
With help like this, who needs enemies? (Bad paraphrase, I guess.)

 

[cinderr]

That's alot on the plate of your family! Wish I could think of something that might help but I am thinking of you, wishing wellness for the entire family.

 

[cinderr]

A red head as well, I get more annoyed than angry! Stupidity annoys me and I see a lot of it with this disease.
If it is Mary Sunshine you are looking for, you will not find her here! Mary Sunshine does not know what it is like to be need vicodin, just to climb out of bed in the morning! That insensitive girl does not know how a trip to the grocery store can take all day, with frequent pit stops all through the store. Shopping done, she just marches independently out to her truck! I usually say a prayer that I can make it that far!
Mary sunshine does not know what its like to pull out the vacumn, rest, do half the livingroom, rest, other half, rest, diningroom, rest, hall, call it a day! Plan to vacumn the bedrooms on another day!
I would not wish this on Mary Sunshine, no matter how annoying she is---just sayin'

 

[cinderr]

Not sure what you can do, really. We're not superwomen; chronic pain brings us down! Unrelenting pain may make us say things we ordinarily wouldn't---don't beat yourself up about it.

 

[MercyL]

How do you get along with your spouse or significant other as it relates to fibromyalgia? I have found that the worse I feel, the more arguments my husband and I have. You know the old saying, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." How do you all deal with your close relationships when your pain is bad?

I feel like I am the luckiest woman in the world. My husband has been incredibly understanding and helpful. He takes me to my doctor's appointments, and keeps a health savings account for my doctor's visits and medications.

My mother is a different story, though. My relationship with her has always been rocky. She was emotionally abusive to me while I was a child and still manifests some disturbing attitudes. She falls for every snake oil salesman promising some easy cure for my condition, then flies into a rage when I refuse to try treatments that make no sense, with the last one being a plan to drink excessive amounts of water to cure my pain. She argues with me about medical information even though I studied microbiology, and have worked in a local lab and blood banking and she has absolutely no medical education.

I stop discussing my condition with disbelievers and no longer try keeping them in my life, and you may need to develop a similar policy with your husband. When I k now I am irritable, I do not talk. When situations causing tension erupt, I stop talking. When someone disagrees, I stop talking. I have found that, in situations with stubborn folk talking just fuels their need to be right at all times, and has little bearing on how I handle reality.

Prioritizing life makes a world of difference. IF no one else can put me first, I put myself first.