screaming on the inside

[moe1959]

No energy today. I feel useless, particlarly being a burdon to my husband. BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I'M REMINDED Every DAY OF MY BODY, THE TIREDNESS, THE LACK OF FRIENDSHIPS, I'M SO LONELY, WHAT IF I DO REACH OUT. MY MEMORY IS BAD, I EMBARASSMENT MYSELF AND MAKE MY FAMILY FRUSTRAITED. COME ON MOM FINISH THE SENTANCE! Or this.....Mom think about what your going to say before you talk, and finish.
I worked from 14 to 27. And part time jobs, and volunteer after. Alllll money decisions where basically made through the Man of the house. I never have been one to want for much, family and friends, and humanity. But now that I'm at retirement age, as is my husband he blames me for not having things, VAcations, etc. He constantly throws in my face how allll his friends do everything and he cant. I'm so at the end of my rope. He has assets....plenty, but won't let go, and sell. He was mad at me when my wealthy Father died and I got no inheratance. I'm sure illness adds strain to Marrige, but I guess it is when
trials come you find out.....is this true love? I seriously would check out if it wasn't for my Grandbabies. Btw. I'm sad not depressed, and. I don't want a #*$^3%×€÷& pill.

 

[marcus777]

I agree, this FM illness robs us of our potential and leaves us isolated.
I sometimes wish we could infect our critics who doubt us or who crap on us.
All that negativity is anti-healing for us.
I hope you can find an understanding friend or a hobby to escape to.

 

[Eyesup]

No energy today. I feel useless, particlarly being a burdon to my husband. BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I'M REMINDED Every DAY OF MY BODY, THE TIREDNESS, THE LACK OF FRIENDSHIPS, I'M SO LONELY, WHAT IF I DO REACH OUT. MY MEMORY IS BAD, I EMBARASSMENT MYSELF AND MAKE MY FAMILY FRUSTRAITED. COME ON MOM FINISH THE SENTANCE! Or this.....Mom think about what your going to say before you talk, and finish.
I worked from 14 to 27. And part time jobs, and volunteer after. Alllll money decisions where basically made through the Man of the house. I never have been one to want for much, family and friends, and humanity. But now that I'm at retirement age, as is my husband he blames me for not having things, VAcations, etc. He constantly throws in my face how allll his friends do everything and he cant. I'm so at the end of my rope. He has assets....plenty, but won't let go, and sell. He was mad at me when my wealthy Father died and I got no inheratance. I'm sure illness adds strain to Marrige, but I guess it is when
trials come you find out.....is this true love? I seriously would check out if it wasn't for my Grandbabies. Btw. I'm sad not depressed, and. I don't want a #*$^3%×€÷& pill.

I know it's not a laughing matter but I had to chuckle... In addition to "think before you speak" do you also get "use your words" and "what planet are you on"? Mine also LOVE to use my memory problems to insist I said yes to things I would never agree to or promised things that again I never would! I've actually had my son tell me it's my fault we are broke because oif my medical bills...he put that in writing to me! Uhg, low grade abuse.

This is not my thread so I'll leave a lot off my story out, but I too worked, I gave up a fast moving career (I lost a lot to take care of everyone but myself, full custody of three young step kids, taking care of mom in laws job at family business, exc) I've been told so many times by the kids that it's dads money! I've actually made them price out what a full time maid, nanny, cook and tutor would cost...my husband couldn't afford me!!!

HE does not have assets, YA'Ll have assets! Anything that's been acquired during your marriage is BOTH of your assets! My husband does occasionally spend money on things we can't afford, then when he complains that he hasn't had a "real" vacation in years I tell him to sell the Harley in the garage and we could go to Hawii for a week.
I do sometimes feel guilty that the kids are grow (youngest will be 19) and I can't work. Then I remember I would give anything to work anything to have not given up my life anything to escape these 4 walls and be around other adults that don't criticize me! Then I let go and let God.

Is it love? Mine is. Why else would I put up with it? Don't get me wrong, the last two years I couldn't work a day let alone hold a full time job, but that's what assets and allimony is for. You don't always like the one you love! Heck, I'm not always likeable let alone lovable! My guess is yours is too. Perhaps he's taking advantage of your condition to be selfish and controlling, (not nice, but for some it's by nature I'm not calling the male gene!) either way like and love begin and end the same, but everything in between is different!

I can't give any unwanted advise, nor do I think that's what you want. I can give you the old "your not alone" (as I've outlined above) reassure you you not nuts and it may surprise you but I named you by name in my prayers last night, again this morning you came to me in prayer and again just now I've asked God to comfort you.

 

[Eyesup]

Oh, and bye the way...the next time he punishes you because of the lack of inheritance ask him if he married you or you daddy's money. That should shut him up but if not demand he go get what he deems to be his rightful inheritance from his family. An inheritance is lovely. But it's is called inheritance not entitlement!
Sometimes I just can't resist giving (most likely unwanted) advice!

Outside of Wa being your state, I'm not sure why I'm sharing this. But my fondest memories from childhood where created on whidbey island!

 

[Trellum]

Oh dear... I'm sorry you are going through this... I feel for you. My mom is with an awful man (I no longer see him as a father). She is not happy, she is 61. I wish she had a better partner... and she could be happy. Everyone deserve to be happy Your husband sounds like a very unfair and mean person, I'm sorry, he shouldn't blame you for all he can't do or can't buy... that is so low of a man to do. I'm glad you come here a vent, keeping that kind of things bottled inside is never good. Hang in there!

 

[remnant]

It is manifestly unfair for your husband to demand that which is not reasonable or practical especially now that you have been diagnosed with fibro. One of the greatest impediments to a successful marriage is finances. I suggest that you look for such a time when he would be in good moods and gently broach the topic. If an escalation happens, it is time to cut short your losses. You can also invite a counsellor to iron out the problems between you. I would suggest that you try not to internalize the challenges. Deal with the situation with a detached mind. Stress will worsen your fibro.