partner and sex

[Forgetmenot]

ok so a boyfriend would be a start lol. But how the hell do u keep a sex life going. If u don't hurt before u sure as hell do after.
I'm beginning to feel maybe staying alone for the rest of my life maybe a lot more simple then trying to find someone who understand my limits .and understands we a it in no porno movie.
the stress of hoping to find someone is bad enough.
Put on weight so don't feel very sexy let alone attractive .
Wounded if we could start up a fibro dating site like speed dating without the speed lol.
Or maybe I should become a nun and give up all hope.
Lately I seem to here all about ppl who have wonderful husbands bla bla bla .i guess no husband has got to be better then a bad one .
Ok moan over off to lick my wounds .oi don't be dirty I said wounds .

 

[kittykat]

I don't know if I have fibro but I have chronic pain. Mostly in my lower abdomen, cervix and lower back. I actually ended up getting a divorce after not having sex with my now ex husband for well over a year. I have a new partner and we have been together for a year. I think the biggest thing is communication and understanding. Sometimes we have to stop, other times we have to go weeks because I just cant handle the pain. But even if we aren't having sex we are still intimate. My ex husband never listened nor considered how I felt. I would cry in pain and he would walk away. It was horrible.

 

[Zolisindigo]

For me sex is impossible now as I have very severe pains after. So I should take a break,otherwise all my body will like in hell. Every time. It is very important to have true love so your boyfriend or hubby will totally accept such periods and support you. I don't have such acceptance and I choose to be alone. I don't know what fibro will do with my body in future so I try to enjoy life.
Take care of yourself!

 

[DK_engineer]

Kittykat, I am really sorry your ex treated you that way. I'm glad you have found a good man. They are out there. I am lucky enough to be married to one. We also take it slow and do what we can when we can. It helps to have a sense of humor about it.

We live in a society that teaches many biases. Body size and how sexuality is "supposed" to work are two powerful ones.

I read a book called Body of Truth by Harriet Brown that gives a different perspective on body size

I read another book a while ago called Come as You Are about the latest science on women's sexuality. It is written by a sex educator (Emily Nagoski) and she does a really good job making it an informative and fun read.

 

[DK_engineer]

Forgetmenot I think you are right - no relationship is better than a bad relationship that has no hope of improving, especially for people with fibromyalgia.

 

[Diane123]

Hi girl's I must be lucky my husband has put up with this for two years we have give a go but its to painful and his worried about hurting me I'm scared that he will go and find someone else's before this got really bad and I was diagnosed with Parkinson's I offered him if he couldn't handle it I would let him go but he. he said a flat know but I know his getting frustrated but what am I supposed to do he does understand but I feel so sorry for him and myself he cannot even have a cuddle in bed because of the pain if his moving about in bed it hurts it's getting ridiculous any suggestion ? Please

 

[DK_engineer]

Ok, so I asked my husband. I don't want to get too specific, but he basically said (this is assuming the woman has fibromyalgia) the man needs to find a way to help the the woman feel really good. Then endorphins in her body help make it possible to do more than might otherwise be possible. It seems to work for us.

 

[Forgetmenot]

Sometimes I think u just have to deal with the pain .only down side to that is your man feels good for a few secs after then they see u crying or in pain and feel like crap .so if and when we do ,its down to me to hide the pain after .now I no what u are going to say, if he loves u he won't want u in pain. And yes that's true. But if he is so lonely and feeling rejected then that painful to.
So I feel for me what the hell I hurt anyway . Why have this hanging over my head worried he will go somewhere else ,even once a month is better then nothing .

 

[cmetryme]

ok ladies, as a man with fibro and many other painful things i will tell you what i have learned.

first id like to warn that this maybe explicit. im try not to.

when you or he are in the mood. tell each other! you must keep communication going!

he must know that you still have interest even if you cant do it. tell him you love him everyday. he needs to hear
it. it will put him at ease. he needs your help to understand that its not him and you have not lost your love for him.

there are many things you can do.

try doing things with your hands.
try having him watch you use toys.
have him try the toys on you.
try the reverse position as they is little touching that way.

talking sexy will also work for both of you.

do not allow him to find someone for that need. he will abuse it as a man. you will end up losing him

showers are a good thing for you.

as DK said the endorphin's will help the brain.

when you have sex all the muscles in your body even the ones you dont realize you have will tense and contract.
they will stop sending message to the brain during that time to send pain.
after everything, a hot shower is a must!

breathing exercises after the shower will help reduce the pains.

im no sex therapist im just a simple man that understands you and pain.

i hope this helps as it has helped my wife and i.

she understands that the meds also make you not want to have sex too.

hang in there and work together on this.

 

[cmetryme]

Forget, the hot shower after will hide the crying and help with your pains.
ensure that you tell him that was so nice to spend that time together. he need to be assured that you are ok.