Hi Kerryb,
Welcome here - I'm so glad you found us! As Sunkacola said, you're definitely not alone. There's a wonderful bunch of people here who can give advice and answer any questions you have. There's also tons of useful information and ideas, and you can use the search function to see if things you want to understand have been discussed in the forum before.
Sunkacola is right that what doctors can do for people with fibromyalgia is quite limited. I completely understand you wanting to find someone who can confirm your diagnosis and give you a bit more support or a referral or two, but for sure, much of getting a handle on this condition is learning how to manage it ourselves - figuring that out can make a massive difference!
The antidepressants that they use to treat fibromyalgia are SNRIs, which means that they impact the neurotransmitters Serotonin and Norepinephrine. Alongside being associated with depression, these neurotransmitters also play a role in modulating pain perception, which is why they use these kinds of drugs for fibromyalgia. That said, they certainly don't work for everyone, and many find that they bring a lot of unwelcome side effects. I tried the medication route initially, but found that everything I was prescribed made me incredibly sick with symptoms like heart palpitations, nausea, dizziness, hot flashes, tremors, and even losing the ability to orgasm (a bit TMI
I know, but it's better to be informed!) Coming off duloxetine (Cymbalta in the US) brought really nasty withdrawal symptoms for me, too. Now, that's not to say you shouldn't try these drugs - for some people, they seem to be great - but it's really worth approaching them with an awareness of the risks, and potentially considering them a last resort, because there are
so many other things that you can try first.
Sunkacola's advice post linked above is a goldmine, so please do give that stuff a try. I know that the things on it don't seem like they would make much difference - I was really skeptical at first that small lifestyle changes could be so important - but there is immense power in making those practices an everyday thing. Fibromyalgia responds to all sorts of small triggers in our lives, which in turn cause flares of our symptoms. Potential triggers are sometimes out of our control, like changes in the weather or stressful life events, but some of them are totally in our control, like whether we practice good sleep hygiene, whether we do too much, whether we take care of our body with diet and exercise or not. Together it all adds up. We can also work on managing how we respond to the stress in our life, and learn to train ourselves to turn down the activity of our sympathetic nervous system (fight/flight/freeze) and turn up the activity of our parasympathetic nervous system (rest/digest/repair) through things like meditation, visualisations, ASMR - literally anything that helps us relax!
A fibro diagnosis is scary, and there are a lot of emotions to process, but don't be too disheartened. I really felt like my life was over to begin with, but now I feel like fibromyalgia has taught me so much, and I take far better care of myself than I ever did before. Through lifestyle changes and taking a handful of basic supplements, I brought my pain levels down to probably around 30% of what they were to begin with. I still have flares from time to time, but they are less intense, and I know better how to take them in stride and give my body a helping hand to work through them. Even more importantly, the pain that I do feel doesn't affect me as much emotionally anymore, and I feel like I have ownership of my life! I know it seems like a lot, but it's something you can and will navigate through.
The last thing I'll say (once again echoing Sunkacola - she's a pool of wisdom!) is that everyone with fibromyalgia is a little different, and we all have to experiment to find our own unique sweet spot. Some things are pretty universal, like learning to pace our activity as much as we can and getting to grips with better self-care, but - for example - if you read back through this forum you'll see that lots of us have had varied successes with different supplements, diets, or medications, so it's not really a one-size-fits-all scenario. It really helps to look at yourself as a guinea pig going through a gradual process, because finding your own balance will likely take a while, but is so worth doing. Not everything you try will work, but that's ok - gradually, you can build up lots of things that each help a little bit until your overall result is feeling much better, and much more empowered.
If you don't feel confident in your doctor's diagnosis, then yes, I'd shoot for a second opinion - just in case they overlooked something that can be treated or requires different care. It can be comforting to have a doctor that's willing to walk through the process with you, whether you try medication or not, so follow your gut if you want more support. In the meantime, come talk to us whenever you want to!