new depression

[Eff fibro]

I've always been an incredibly resilient person but this morning my therapist of 3 years suggested I think about seeing a psychiatrist and taking an antidepressant. I'm at a new "low" so to say.
I'm 31 y/o, started having the crazy weird unexplainable pains about 9 months ago, was diagnosed with fibro 6 months ago and then the symptoms stopped. Well, mostly. I experienced allodynia about 3 months ago, only for a few days (how weird was THAT feeling!) but it was about the same time I started having simple partial seizures (my neuro thinks) so I was started on Neurontin and have felt fantastic since. My family and bf all commented how I was "back to my old self" mood-wise, my energy, appetite, sleep were all improved, I felt fantastic. Felt like I had found the wonder drug.
Then 2 weeks ago I started having trouble sleeping. I was very familiar with waking up in pain or with numb hips from sleeping curled in a tight ball but this was different... I was having incredible trouble falling asleep. And this time it wasn't because I had a lot on my mind like happens to everyone. Then I started feeling foggy and worn out, figured lack of sleep and my diminishing appetite (which I still haven't figured why my appetite doesn't hang around much), but then I started dropping things often, walking into things, noticed all the bruises on my legs starting back again, started forgetting EVERYTHING, including todays therapy appt... and the sadness hit. I'm generally a bubbly person so this sadness is throwing even my therapist for a loop :lol: It feels like I'm PMSing but I'm not. I randomly want to cry over the stupidest little things. All I want to do is sit in my room and chain smoke. I'm trying to build the motivation to quit smoking but this just doesn't help! I just want to lay here, not focus on anything or have to think about anything, and just let the day go by. I don't know what's worse, my back pain or this dang depression!
So still being "new" to fibro I'm guessing that this is another flare. Awesome... and just as I write that I feel bees stinging my palm. Yep, gotta be the fibro. Ok, well, guess that answers that question!

 

[Forgetmenot]

I have often posted about how low I get.im on two anit D.and I still feel so depressed and angry I don't no weather I wanna cry or hit something.atm the only time I'm happy is when I'm asleep.i tell myself there's a lot worse then u girl so suck it up, but I can't. Fibro really knocked the shit outta u. And as they seem to think it's brain related the sadness don't seem so wired does it.i can go from happy to sad faster then a whippet with a bum full of TNT.
Now there a though ,
Waking up in pain going to bed stiff as a broad I have essential tremors on top and now it looks like I have bipolar .i have started smoking again to.
If it's any comfort at all your not alone . Without my meds id never sleep at all. I don't even look forward to anything anymore.the high light of my day is getting into bed.life shouldn't be this way.Sending u warm hugs and hoping you find some peace soon xxxx

 

[Eff fibro]

I love that, going "from happy to sad faster than a whippet with a bum full of TNT"... 'cause I feel that too! It might be a SPCA commercial or my boyfriend saying "you still haven't eaten yet, silly?!" or a look in someone's eye and I break down. I missed a counseling appt yesterday and cried for a few hours. That's kinda absurd. But the sadness feels so deep... to me, I feel like its more of a chemical imbalance in the brain, like actual chemical depression. Not the situational kind that stops when the pain stops or is appropriate for the given situation. The sadness is out of proportion... a commercial shouldn't make me cry. That's not normal. Well... ok, SPCA commercials are a bad example, some normal people probably cry over those too!
Maybe look into a mood stabilizer rather than antidepressants. I'm taking Lamictal and Neurontin/gabapentin which covers my epilepsy, most of the fibro pain, and my mood. I was starting to have mood swings really bad, and it was likely because of the keppra I was on, so they switched me to lamictal with can be used as a mood stabilizer or seizure med... or both!
It breaks my heart to hear that the highlight of your day is getting into bed. I completely understand how great bed feels on bad days... but you need to find happiness elsewhere. Find a hobby, read, do crafts, sew, paint (I recently started painting things like wine glasses as gifts, it's SOO much fun! and takes minimal energy), take up pottery or yoga. Its very important you bring happiness into your life. Find things that you enjoy doing, so that when you go to bed, instead of being glad today is over, you're looking forward to the wine glass you can paint tomorrow
I wish you well, hope for better days ahead. I know this isn't easy and you're not alone. But try to bring happiness into your life. Its up to you to find out what you might enjoy. I've found that when I push myself to get out of bed and do something productive, it both moves & relaxes the muscles a smidge and makes me feel good that I've accomplished something today. Best wishes to you!