I suddenly feel so old...hello, everyone, new 'club' member here.

[Linda49]

Hello, everyone!! Well, so here I am. After going through all the stages of "grief", I'm finally at the acceptance stage: I have fibro, and ignoring it for several years hasn't worked to dispel it.

Long story short: our doctor diagnosed me several years ago, but I've always "carried on" like I did before, thinking I could still do it all. Then I fell and broke my leg in 2014, had 3 surgeries which sent me back to bed for yet another recovery period. Last November I had a total knee replacement.
So where does that leave me?....a swollen knee that won't be svelte again (haha), a baker's cyst behind it that continues to prevent me from bending it enough to do 'stuff', bursitis in my hips, 3 degenerated discs in my back, fibro of course, and I never intended to get old, nevermind so quickly!! I'm 67 and until my fall 3 years ago, I was about 50-ish. I've aged considerably.

My dear Husband is an absolute Angel....he's cared for me always, but particularly since my fall, he's taken over al household duties and even now, in spite of the fact that I can get around pretty okay, continues to want to do almost everything here at home. I do what I can, but some days, like today, I'm an absolute zombie...a very tired zombie.

So here I am, folks...Ladies...finally coming to grips with the fact that I can't do things like I used to, that I'm feeling quite useless...even volunteering, which I did a lot of earlier, is out of the question so far. It's hard to volunteer when it hurts to walk for very long after those surgeries and bursitis, feeling yucky with fibro.
(Aw.. he just brought me a bowl of ice-cream...really...I'm spoiled but he's seen what I've been through..)

I've read so many threads here, and identified with so many of you lovely people...
-the glazed look people get when you try to explain how fibro affects you..
-the fatigue that's even deeper than anyone can imagine...
-the isolation because you can't just go out when you want to, everything has to be planned with military precision..
-the searing pain that makes you screech out an "ouch!!" even if you don't want to
-the invisibility of it all
-the "helpful" suggestions like...maybe if you exercise.....don't you just want to slap them upside the head??
-the resulting silence in your life because you don't want to hear those 'helpful' suggestions
-the feeling like a Grinch with the "noise, noise, noise!", when tv commercials come on and they're too loud, when in a room with a lot of people, you feel like running out of there because of the noise...
-when patience with the rest of the world is at a premium
-when you feel you can't complain about anything because someone else is in a worse state, so once again, you keep silent...they should also call this a "silent" as well as invisible disease.

And well, you all know the rest...I have blessings in my life: my Husband, Daughter/Son-In-Law, Grandson, who are all simply lovely, but who really can't come to grips with what Fibro is and how it affects me, so of course, I've stopped complaining, although I'm really not a whiner at all.

Anyway, I'll be hanging out here now, reading your posts, and when I feel I have something positive and helpful to contribute, I'll butt in, in the hopes it may help someone else, even if it's just to say, "yes, that's all true, it's a b*tch". :?;-):

Thank you all for plodding through this and for just confirming what I've been feeling all those years, as I was trying to ignore it all.....THANK YOU!...Linda

 

[Sagey]

Hi Linda,

Welcome to the forum.I enjoyed reading your story.It was well written.I think it takes one episode or injury to bring us down quickly.When we have Fibro we are weak,and an injury just makes it harder for us to bounce back.I too have severe pain in my hips and need to get it checked soon.A lot of times we ignore it, because we think the doctor will say its just another symptom of Fibro.

We have to be thankful as you said, of all the good people in our lives.And keep on keeping on. If we stop and give up,we'll go down hill.So we have to enjoy the good times and deal with the bad.

I have days where I complain about all my aches and pains,and other days I just tell myself to suck it up. Other days I feel sorry for myself and cry.We don't have to be strong everyday, we are only human.But I try to be strong for my family,and try to contribute as much as I can.


Sagey

 

[Linda49]

Hi Linda,

Welcome to the forum.I enjoyed reading your story.It was well written.I think it takes one episode or injury to bring us down quickly.When we have Fibro we are weak,and an injury just makes it harder for us to bounce back.I too have severe pain in my hips and need to get it checked soon.A lot of times we ignore it, because we think the doctor will say its just another symptom of Fibro.

We have to be thankful as you said, of all the good people in our lives.And keep on keeping on. If we stop and give up,we'll go down hill.So we have to enjoy the good times and deal with the bad.

I have days where I complain about all my aches and pains,and other days I just tell myself to suck it up. Other days I feel sorry for myself and cry.We don't have to be strong everyday, we are only human.But I try to be strong for my family,and try to contribute as much as I can.


Sagey

Thank you, Sagey.....you're so right about some days we feel so much more vulnerable than on other days, that one day we might whine (and I can do that beautifully...hahaha), other days we just try to power through. Today was a "find a spot to curl up in" with our Doxie, who seems to know when I'm feeing yucky, and just wallow in comfort.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this lovely condition too...it really is a bother, but I keep telling myself that there are far worse out there..2 of my Husband's regular golf partners are battling cancer, so who am I to complain...?

All the best to you, Sagey!

 

[Peaceandquiet]

Hi Linda49,
I am also feeling old so I understand what you are saying. You seem to have similar experiences to me.
I am a 60yr old grandmother and it doesn't feel like very long ago that I was 45 and in relatively good health. I got through the stages of grief when my condition of FM was finally diagnosed after about 10years, and came to acceptance but I'm relapsing today! Back to anger stage. I love my friends and family and would like them to treat me normally which they do when I'm having a good day......but it's when I'm having a really bad day like today that I feel they are all inadequate in their efforts to be compassionate. The 'helpful' suggestions drive me nuts and the expectations they have of me are too much. I want to run away....oh, that's right, I can't because my legs are too sore.....
Best of luck and I'm glad you joined the forum. Nice, understanding people here, young and old.

 

[Dkenny]

Hi Linda,
I too am new here you have said everything i was thinking when i wrote my thread especially the exercise part i hate when you go to the dr and they are giving you yoga and like karate type papers and your looking at them like they are freaking nuts and i told them umm ya i wasssss able to do all this before i had all this pain but hello i am telling you i can not move without searing pain radiating throughtout every bone in my body plus there are days that i cant even get up out of bed i am so tired i wish drs understood what we are truly feeling everyday

 

[Linda49]

Hi Linda49,
I am also feeling old so I understand what you are saying. You seem to have similar experiences to me.
I am a 60yr old grandmother and it doesn't feel like very long ago that I was 45 and in relatively good health. I got through the stages of grief when my condition of FM was finally diagnosed after about 10years, and came to acceptance but I'm relapsing today! Back to anger stage. I love my friends and family and would like them to treat me normally which they do when I'm having a good day......but it's when I'm having a really bad day like today that I feel they are all inadequate in their efforts to be compassionate. The 'helpful' suggestions drive me nuts and the expectations they have of me are too much. I want to run away....oh, that's right, I can't because my legs are too sore.....
Best of luck and I'm glad you joined the forum. Nice, understanding people here, young and old.

Oh, boy, Peaceandquiet, you hit a nerve (heh) with me when you used the word "expectations". I'm also a Grandma, to a wonderful 9-yr old boy, and I couldn't ask for a sweeter Daughter and Son-in-Law. However! It's begun to dawn on me that they don't realize that not only am I getting older each year, I'm also dealing with this fibro thing. And maybe the problem stems from my not initially accepting it and therefore not letting them know how it affects my daily life. Only this morning, when my DH asked me how I was feeling, did I tell him that although I'm in pain somewhere EVERY day, so far this morning, it was tolerable! I should't have been surprised at his look of surprise...yes...every day.

I wish you more better days ahead, Hon.....{{hugs}}

 

[Linda49]

Hi Linda,
I too am new here you have said everything i was thinking when i wrote my thread especially the exercise part i hate when you go to the dr and they are giving you yoga and like karate type papers and your looking at them like they are freaking nuts and i told them umm ya i wasssss able to do all this before i had all this pain but hello i am telling you i can not move without searing pain radiating throughtout every bone in my body plus there are days that i cant even get up out of bed i am so tired i wish drs understood what we are truly feeling everyday

Yep, Dkenny, let's just "shake it off", right? Exercise is the cure-all for everything that ails us! I wish that those gym-rats could walk in our shoes for a week. THEN we can tell them to do yoga and wrap their legs around their heads or jog briskly around a track! Hah! They couldn't HANDLE this di-ease, the wooses!
I'm very fortunate with our doctor who has only suggested things like meditation for my BP and fibro...he's very progressive.

All the best, Sweets...ignore all those ignorant idiots and live YOUR life as it suits YOU! {{Hugs}}