hurting in everyway

[mystysch123]

oh grr i just typed this long vent and the system kicked me out without posting it so I have to start all over but what's the point. I am having a rotten day after a very physically and emotionally stressful 3 days. oh well maybe i can word it better this time. Saturday my husband and I joined the ground search for my missing brother Gary Francis Rain. He has been missing since march 12. I walked about 3 miles on roadside checking ditches while husband walked a little ways away in the bush which i knew i couldn't do. which of course caused the expected backlash of pain. Sunday we went to the wake for my niece who died from SIDS last week she was 3 weeks old. Monday was the funeral service. Watching my stepsister in so much pain was hard I had a son that was stillborn 13 years ago. Watching my dad and stepmom trying to deal with my own pain losing a niece it was all so hard. Monday was more of the same with the funeral service. I HATE seeing people I care about in pain watching my stepsister almost brought to her knees by her grief, watching my dad cry and try to be strong for everyone and then he told me god should have taken him instead she was just a little baby with her whole life ahead of her he was a tired old man I wanted to shake him and yell at him for even suggesting such a thing. Instead i told him never to say that again and I asked him he thought Janet (my stepmom) would survive the disappearance of her son and the death of her granddaughter without him. I reminded him how much we all loved him and needed him and how he was the only thing getting her through this tough time in the end he agreed with me of course it helped that i had my adopted sister and my 2 brothers with me and we ganged up on him. We lost their mom my first stepmom and the closest thing i ever had to a mom in 2008 and we almost lost dad to the grief then. Then he met Janet and married her and they love each other and I gained 2 step brothers and 3 stepsisters all younger than me I am still the oldest. that makes 9 of us now as my oldest brother died 10 years ago. with my adopted sister that makes 10. good thing we are pretty much all grown the youngest is 17 (janets son) and I am the oldest at 41. 2 of my stepsisters and 1 stepbrother are younger than my oldest child who is almost 21. Sorry probably more background than you needed to know. I guess i was just painting a picture of my family and the emotional stress we are under. The physical stress the last 3 days was all the walking and standing and crying or trying not to cry to be strong for others and the cold weather. We had a freak snowstorm yesterday it snowed all through the lengthly but beautiful outdoor native graveside ceremony. By the time i returned to the car my hair and feet were soaked my legs well chilled and swollen like tree stumps. By the time we ate and then I drove the 45 minutes home I had a raging headache a fever and every muscle in my body hurt and i was chilled t the bone in other words I triggered a fullblown flare up. I cranked the thermostat in the house 80 and curled up under 2 quilts and it still took hours to stop shivering. Of course bath or shower was out because of my legs. I was hoping I would wake up better this morning but should have known better. I woke up with a raging headache my back hurts my legs are still sore and swollen and the bowel stuff has kicked in to boot effectively chaining me to the house. I find this all so frustrating I used to be a figure skating skating 16 hours a week throughout my teens i also used to be a volunteer firefighter tromping through the bush or deep snow in full turnout gear to fight fire dragging hoses. I used to be able to chop wood with the best of them now if i even considered that the pain would unbearable. I loved camping and hiking and fishing always out in wilderness not in campgrounds. I just want to be my old self again but i know that isn't going to happen. I have been living with this illness for years and most of the time i manage okay lately not so much. I could use any hints or tips how to settle this flare up down. I am so exhausted and in pain both emotionally and physically i just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Sorry for venting I really needed to talk since we moved here in september I have not made friends yet and dont have much of a support system. Other than my husband of course and he is away all day working.

Bless you all

 

[mariposa]

It pains me to read of all this stress you're having to go through in a short time. :-( I am so
sorry for the loss of your niece... and I hope that your brother is found soon, alive and well.
Also sorry to hear that all this set you into a flare. I'm rather new to the forum but in the short
time I've been here, I've seen a lot of loving support, so I'll bet someone will be able to give
you some tips on how to handle such a severe flare.

Venting is allowed... and encouraged here, so here's hoping you'll get some answers on things
to try and I hope you're feeling better real soon!

 

[1sweed]

mystysch123,
Gosh, you had a tough day and I can understand with all that stress your having a bad flare. I would say relax and rest as much as possible. Take headache medication and use cool cloths on your forehead and over your eyes, and stay in bed as much as you can and stay warm. Watch silly upbeat movies or listen to music that makes you feel alive. Try to avoid the sad drama's and the horror movies. Don't listen to a lot of negative comments or things that stress you out. Sit with your feet up, and that should help the swelling in your feet and legs. Take medication to stop the bowel thing to save running to the bathroom. And try to be patient with yourself your hurting and your grieving for two people you loved, and your body is reacting to that loss by tighting your muscles causing tension and this in turn causes pain. If it is your way take time each day to pray for strength and courage to get through this very bad time in your life. I will keep you in my prayers as well. Resting will restore what pain and loss has taken from you. We are here for you.

 

[TheMagician007]

I guess the first thing I could think of is "Wow." I'm extremely sorry that you and your family are experiencing so much loss and heartache. The way I feel is that you cry if that's what you need to do. That doesn't make you any less strong for yourself or others in such a difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

 

[mariposa]

Just checking in to see how you're doing now, mystysch123. Is the family starting to go through some of the first stages of healing together? Has there been any word on your brother?

And also, how are you feeling physically now?

 

[mystysch123]

Sorry I been away so long computer was acting up and things have been very hectic here lately with all the end of year school stuff for 6 kids and 3 birthdays and our anniversary. I have been doing a lot of reading as that is my way of dealing with stress block it out for a little while with a good book with a happy ending. We didn't get our happy ending but at least we got some closure my brothers body was found on Father's Day after being missing for more than 3 months. His wake and funeral were on Tuesday from 2 pm with the service at noon on Wednesday it was a Beautiful native ceremony the processional walk with the casket to the cemetery was over a mile but very spiritual accompanied by native drummers and singers. My heart is broken watching his wife sink down to her knees by his grave unable to stand anymore for a bit under the grief and strain his little girls looking around trying to figure out what was going on my dad and stepmom devastated and trying to be strong my brothers crying. It was all very emotional and a couple of miles of walking added to that stress has me back in flair mode not that I have ever really been out completely but maybe now things with settle down with time and we can all start to heal. I am just taking it easy today trying to rest still battling this cough. If I have repeated anything or missed anything I am sorry my brain is not functioning the best right now. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.

 

[mariposa]

We didn't get our happy ending but at least we got some closure my brothers body was found on Father's Day after being missing for more than 3 months. His wake and funeral were on Tuesday from 2 pm with the service at noon on Wednesday it was a Beautiful native ceremony the processional walk with the casket to the cemetery was over a mile but very spiritual accompanied by native drummers and singers.

:-( :-( I am so very sorry to hear of this horrific loss for your family. I know closure is good, but the pain of loss remains even after that closure.

I think reading is good therapy, and I hope it continues to help you. I also hope that you will remember to take care of yourself in ways besides the reading, too. Hopefully your flare is at a stage that it's about to setting down.

Your brother's ceremony sounds sacred and beautiful.

 

[1sweed]

mystysch123,
I am very happy you stopped in to update us on what has happened with your family since your last post. Finding your brother must have been such heartbreak for you, with all the hoping and praying that he was still alive. You now have closeure, just not as you say the happy ending. I will continue to hold you in my thoughts and prayers as you mend from this terrible loss. I went through such an event with my first husband and the not knowing was the hardest and when he was found, like your brother the grief was hard to bear. So I do very much understand where you are right now and am here if you need me.

Please come everyday and all of us will try to lift your spirits, if by no other means to let you know we care and that you are not alone.

 

[mystysch123]

Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers and kind words I am feeling a little better today the sadness comes and goes but I can look outside and see sunshine and smile. I am still not feeling great but not feeling any worse so I guess I just need to take it easy for a few more days or a couple of weeks lol. I worry a lot about my dad and stepmom and sister in law and pray for them they are hurting so bad.

 

[Hurting in Philly]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I could never imagine going through all of that without fibro. But having the illness makes such a level of stress very detrimental to the body. My prayers are that you will continue to strengthen mentally, physically, and spiritually as you deal with the aftermath of these horrific events.