hi my life

[im-grouchy-and-bite]

Bad start or post sorry butt o well

I'm tired of the Internet forums and all that

Why come then I have no life or net friends my wife works 8 hours and I'm bored

And I want to vent talk help be heard all I get is lies safe place no judgment trust us all that

Lying BS

Sorry for the disrespectful attitude off the bat but thousands of forums it gets old

It's like a drug habit I need to give up but just can't seem to no matter how much I try

me my posts I have very severe adhd with learning impairment I can't get it out how I

want or was thinking always being taken wrong can't sum or make short

all the BS that stupid web puts before who a person is what they are or ask to make more clear

nobody does that anymore maybe I'm just to old and retarded to keep beating my head trying

im 40 I have over 12 or so mental disorders 10 physical problems or so severe sleep apnea that

makes pain and other problems so much worse also insomnia I have fibromyalgia chronic pain chronic fatigue

fibromyalgia diagnosed in the 80s 90s 2014 went to a nearby state to see a specialist in this field

found out that I have had all 3 my whole life now like my other post 2015 last week he said my

severe back pain and collapsing are chronic fatigue I don't know anymore angry just don't give a s

My whole life as they learned disorders they diagnosed me yearly it's gotten to where I don't care or want to have anymore found

my doctor already won't up my painkillers or new ones he says my mri is clear and one day I walked in collapsing passing out he says yes but look today your fine he has tunnel vision focused only on

Fibromyalgia won't see whole picture pain medication don't work on fibromyalgia etc the long list and fight

my specialist believes me has seen a bad day I'm so tired and fed up

my whole life lazy worthless etc so I taught my mind to love pain pain must mean I'm working hard

I have done so much damage to my body over the years I was able to work it's not funny

11 years ago I met my 2nd wife she was mad at me day one she told me you're going to stop

this bs slow down and take pain killers I fought her for some time because by the time we met

I was on burning out pushing it till I collapse then trying more or the same the next day

it's been slow and hard finally 40 I'm listening slowing more allot is my tolerance is almost gone

she still has to force me to take pain pills now more than ever I have gotten a really bad attitude

since doctor don't believe me okay I guess I don't need them she gets really mad about that

that's enough for now thanks yall take care

 

[cmetryme]

First i'd like to tell you that i hear what you are saying. We can all relate to the pain,lack of sleep, and the doctors that just give up on you.
if your not documenting your meds and how long they work or dont work, you are not helping yourself or your doctor to get you the ones you need. if you dont find your triggers to the pain you will just continue to do/eat them and the pain will continue. your wife sounds like a very supportive person. you are very lucky to have her. she cares about you and is struggling to try to make you have even a few minutes of relief from the pain.work with her not against her. get the documentation going and get the meds that work for you. meds are all we have to get us through the day. as my wife and i look at the meds, if the meds kill me then im no longer in pain. if they work im in a reduced state of pain. win win! thanks for venting with us here. we cant help if you dont tell us whats happening in your life. keep reading and posting. you've done a good job of coping so far now take it to the next level.

 

[im-grouchy-and-bite]

Thanks

My triggers are mostly gone

I had two very serious car accidents one we got side swiped by a teenager pulling out from a gas station

we were doing 60+ spun too much to count I forgot how far down the road but it was far

A few years later or less another young one 20s rearended us over 40mph no breaks I saw her coming

And broke the break pedal off I now have foot and ankle problems really bad

we were in line waiting for a person to turn my local fire screwed up getting me out they didn't hyper flex the door and they pulled me on the board I don't show or make noise for pain I shocked my wife with what came out and said I have found over 30 years of hiding and just enduring pain she and other want me to try to express it wtf all I can find is cuss and grunt lol

 

[cmetryme]

i totally understand the cuss and grunt. as long as it's not at them! i call myself things all the time. sometimes my wife says your to hard on yourself.
the brain fog will make me call myself stupid all the time. sometimes its just good to get it out of my system. i had a friend at the house the other day that i hadnt seen in 2 years. he'd been here most of the day and asked my son, does this moaning thing ever stop at all? my son just shook his head and walked away in tears. my friend said he was sorry for upsetting my son by asking him that. i told him this is my life and thats how he and his mother have to deal with it. they are so strong. my wife told me that if she had that pain she would have ended it already. i told her its harder than you think to do that no-less get it right.

you have triggers to your pain. the things your talking about is why you have the pain to begin with. triggers are what's keeping the pain going. find them. otherwise you and me are going to have cussing and grunting contest for ever..lol. hang in there we can do this.

 

[im-grouchy-and-bite]

Yeah some of it was at them my back was crunching grinding and moving I have a severe bad back from my years of abuse and they were doing the removal and moving wrong then the er knew me and refused pain medication

I have tried over the years many forms and ways of journal paper pc recently my tablet my adhd and other mental make it to much of a fight

Don't get me wrong a small chance I could but my parents had to make the school do notes paperwork biggest downfall

I get bored and fed up same crap every day my good days I get to mark almost never

Im 40 not sure of the ages here

Growing up adhd wasn't understood or known well one school thought locking me in a dark closet would change my behavior my grandfather thought after grandma left that beating the hell out of me I would be less annoying and on and on

Add to that what I just learned growing up chronic fatigue chronic pain fibromyalgia can't keep up can't build whatever it's called into a job and have tolerance for jobs

100 plus jobs I love my parents and don't want to type about them because no matter how it was done my dad wanted the best a hard working stable reliable man

Rest of my family every name in the book to them my grandmother aunt uncle my jobs all lazy worthless pile of and now my wife and counselor think I can stop the drive the voice over night

After I became so driven I worked a shift with broken hand or dislocated shoulder or after a drunk driver hit me while I was out helping a broken down car and to many others to list

its taken me 11 years to finally start listening to her and my body which I still screw up on and put myself down for a week or so

Funny thing is I'm getting to a positive place and my doc wants me to push it exercise yoga etc sent me to a pain moron

She reported to him I'm afraid to push my pain and exercise etc uhhhm does above look afraid or insane about pain

It's hard a lifetime of demon's in your head that won't ever shut up and now 2 sides fighting for my behavior me wife counselor take it easy

Doctors kill yourself

Me sorry to repeat I'm 40 my past is asking for payment in full my pain tolerance is going fast part of why I'm starting to listen

But it's also to little to late my damage is shutting me down and less active times I'm looking at 50 possibly being my freedom is up time

I can't be angry or sad I'm the one who did so much damage over the years and even if I'm chair or very limited movement there's always new fun things to do and find

Like one of my favorite quotes if life is no fun it is because you're no fun

 

[cmetryme]

im so sorry to hear thats how your family deals with pain issues. pain has no age limit. so it sounds like you have come to terms with your pain and thats a good start. your counselor and wife dont have to come to terms with your pain as they dont feel it. if the counselor is'nt helping and causing you more pain stop going. it's up to you not them. BTW in 52 and the pain dont care. some here are older and some in their teens.

keep venting it helps!

 

[im-grouchy-and-bite]

My counselor is very good she is like my wife one of the few people who understand I'm double the normal pain scale

And her and my wife pick up on my give aways when I'm trying to hide pain from everyone the counselor just finds me funny because I get to

Points where I say I'm done or I'm quitting all that stuff and she knows that my bullheaded stubborn butt and being raised military I'm just taking

that's also how she knows I'm not a suicide risk to stubborn to give up she sends me home when I'm hiding a bad pain day

the wife is the same trys and even if she can't understand she gets me stuff on my bad days

thanks

 

[tiggeriffic18562]

Bad start or post sorry butt o well

I'm tired of the Internet forums and all that

Why come then I have no life or net friends my wife works 8 hours and I'm bored

And I want to vent talk help be heard all I get is lies safe place no judgment trust us all that

Lying BS

Sorry for the disrespectful attitude off the bat but thousands of forums it gets old

It's like a drug habit I need to give up but just can't seem to no matter how much I try

me my posts I have very severe adhd with learning impairment I can't get it out how I

want or was thinking always being taken wrong can't sum or make short

all the BS that stupid web puts before who a person is what they are or ask to make more clear

nobody does that anymore maybe I'm just to old and retarded to keep beating my head trying

im 40 I have over 12 or so mental disorders 10 physical problems or so severe sleep apnea that

makes pain and other problems so much worse also insomnia I have fibromyalgia chronic pain chronic fatigue

fibromyalgia diagnosed in the 80s 90s 2014 went to a nearby state to see a specialist in this field

found out that I have had all 3 my whole life now like my other post 2015 last week he said my

severe back pain and collapsing are chronic fatigue I don't know anymore angry just don't give a s

My whole life as they learned disorders they diagnosed me yearly it's gotten to where I don't care or want to have anymore found

my doctor already won't up my painkillers or new ones he says my mri is clear and one day I walked in collapsing passing out he says yes but look today your fine he has tunnel vision focused only on

Fibromyalgia won't see whole picture pain medication don't work on fibromyalgia etc the long list and fight

my specialist believes me has seen a bad day I'm so tired and fed up

my whole life lazy worthless etc so I taught my mind to love pain pain must mean I'm working hard

I have done so much damage to my body over the years I was able to work it's not funny

11 years ago I met my 2nd wife she was mad at me day one she told me you're going to stop

this bs slow down and take pain killers I fought her for some time because by the time we met

I was on burning out pushing it till I collapse then trying more or the same the next day

it's been slow and hard finally 40 I'm listening slowing more allot is my tolerance is almost gone

she still has to force me to take pain pills now more than ever I have gotten a really bad attitude

since doctor don't believe me okay I guess I don't need them she gets really mad about that

that's enough for now thanks yall take care

I know exactly how you feel and I was exactly the same until I moved house and got a new Dr I'm fed up with the pain and being stuck in the house with no one to talk to like you I have the chronic fatigue but I also have chronic insomnia as well so I can't win lol message me if you'd like to chat x