Daughter

[Jazzcat]

Hi all,
I really hope this doesn't come across as me being an awful person.
I'm struggling with my mothers diagnosis of fibro.

She never has informed me of being in any pain, and never takes any painkillers. She is always going on holiday with her friend and has a job in which she travels in the local area a lot and never has to rest. I guess I'm struggling with the idea as my friend also has fibro and has had to give up dancing, spends many days sleeping when having a bad time with it and is on many pain meds.

My mother has always been a slight hypercondriac, going to the docs with just a sniffle.

I guess why I am posting is that I understand having a "hidden" illness as I suffer with a few things myself and really want to help her. However am finding it incredibly hard to do so, when in the back of my mind I don't fully feel she has it and am annoyed if she is just trivialising a condition which can be awful, just for sympathy.

Please don't take this the wrong way as I really need to understand.

 

[elawhon]

You know, I had a similar situation, but my mother never seemed to feel good. She was never diagnosed with fibro, but now that I have it, a lot really hits home. My situation was that when I was young, she had my sister and I constantly waiting on her and doing her household duties on top of ours for most of my childhood and adolescence. I was very resentful right on up to adulthood because I felt that I missed out on so much of my childhood. I always felt she was lazy and pawned her work off on us. I wasn't able to do a lot with my friends because she was afraid to be alone for fear that she would need us. We never knew what was really wrong with her...if we believed anything at all. Unfortunately, she passed away this past summer in the midst of being tested for gout and rheumatoid arthritis. We never got any results before she passed. Shortly after her death my symptoms hit an all time high. Probably due to the stress of it all. I, as always kept pushing through and keeping on with my normal routine until I hit rock bottom during my Christmas break from my teaching job. Talking about the worst Christmas ever. Anyway, bottom line I feel so guilty about not believing my mom and not supporting her. More than likely she suffered from fibro, but during those days it was a practically unknown condition. I wish that I could have been different. I had not been educated about the condition until I have I had to deal with it myself. I understand what you are feeling, but try to take some time to listen. If she is being dishonest about her symptoms or exaggerating, it would seem to be very hurtful to those who really do suffer. I was very active just 6 months ago. I could keep up with my children and speed walk 3 to 4 miles a day. Things changed for me over night. Maybe this is what has happened with your mother. Don't let doubt and resentment turn you away. I wish I could have another chance with my mother, but that chance is gone. If ever you need to vent, you are welcome to vent with me without judgement. I certainly understand how you feel. I hope I have helped and best wishes with your mother.

 

[exploreandrespawn]

You are not an awful person, you are just curious, and looking for help understanding a situation that is new to you. You said your mom went to the doctor for just a sniffle, so you probably do have a legitimate concern, and need to find an answer. I don't think I can top the previous post, because they went through a similar experience. All I can tell you, is to do the best you can with what you have: Knowledge of the disease, and what your mother tells you is wrong with her. This is an expansive forum, and you can use it to become involved with your moms condition. Look up some of the topics, see if there is anyone with similarities to your mothers specific ailments. I can't take the doubt away, but I can say that you are not an awful person, and you can use this forum to become more involved with your mother's condition. If she has it, she is in a lot of pain. There are posts everything from eating nuts, to drinking Cherry Juice, to the pros and cons of exercise. Read them, and see how you can help your mother. don'worry about the doubt, it's okay

 

[Trellum]

Jazzcat, don't worry about coming across as an awful person, everyone here is really understanding and not judgmental at all... I actually understand what you mean, because a part of you feels guilty over not believing your mother could be suffering from this, but another one thinks: ''uhm, but the evidence is really contradictory''. This is normal given her situation, but not because she seems to be well it means she might not be suffering from fibro, I mean... a lot people look at me and can't even imagine what I'm going thru right now and how sick I really am (I've very sick right now).

Just remember some people suffering from fibro suffer from really mild symptoms... others have it really hard. I'm in between, by the way, but I have many good days... even weeks and months sometimes. And when I have a bad day I just try to do whatever I need to do and go on, otherwise I will feel so guilty. I won't stop living because of this... work needs to get done one way or another!

By the way... was your mom diagnosed with fibro by a rheumatologist? If she was then you can trust her diagnosis.

 

[dorann]

It really is hard to deal with any kind of a silent illness. You look at a person and they look fine but on the inside they are hurting and you don't know what to do for them. I would say that it sounds to me like your mother is a strong person and that is the reason that she is dealing so well with her diagnosis.

 

[Jazzcat]

Thank you all.
Her doctor diagnosed her as all tests in her blood, her MRI and cat scan came back clear. As far as she has told me, she has never seen a Rhumatologist. Her doctor told her that there was no way to diagnose it as such, he has just ruled out everything else.

Is there a proper way for it to be diagnosed?

 

[Takedon]

It's really hard to prove that you have a disease and I know how you feel. A lot of people say these are all lies, but if we can feel it, why shouldn't it be true?

 

[mariposa]

I didn't read this as negative at all... and it certainly didn't sound like you're an awful person! Bottom line as I see it is that you're not questioning if fibro is real... you're questioning whether or not one particular person has it. Very different issues.

Bottom line is that I sadly know a few people who have used fibro as a way to... well, "make life easier" on themselves and it turned out that they didn't have it at all and were pretending. Since it's often hard to detect, sometimes all we have is the person's word for it. If we are to help them, we have to trust their word. If it's someone who made up illnesses in the past, it's very difficult to trust in the beginning.

Anyhow, probably what I'd do is contact her doctor and tell him/her that you're concerned about your mom's fibro and would like to know what you can do to help her. If she has it, you'll know that her pain just doesn't always show itself... but if she doesn't, her doc would surely know that and you'd be told.

 

[Takedon]

You cannot diagnose fibromyalgia, since it isn't proven scientifically. A lot of doctors don't even accept it, which is very unfortunate and sad. I think the pain is true.

 

[mariposa]

You cannot diagnose fibromyalgia, since it isn't proven scientifically. A lot of doctors don't even accept it, which is very unfortunate and sad. I think the pain is true.

This is not a true statement. Maybe it was 20 years ago, or 15 years ago.... I agree that some doctors don't fully understand, but the medical community has come a long way in "proving it scientifically." Could I ask where you got your data?

And of course fibro can be diagnosed. Read this forum... everyone here has been diagnosed, are in the process of being diagnosed, or knows someone who has. :x

 

[jenny]

I too was diagnosed w/ fibro 5 years ago until I found out, I was actually misdiagnosed.

I went to many doctors believe me I went to every single one with no one to help me. They only gave me painkillers which made the situation worst.
until recently while doing research online I found out I may have Candida overgrowth..

And 6 months later I feel better than ever. I did the diet and took anti-candida foods and supplements.

HOPE THIS HELPS A LOT OF YOU. Because it did for me <3 Much LOVE. & Goodluck.

 

[jenny]

this will enlighten most of you, cos it seriously did for me.

 

[jenny]

Try to research candida or anti candida online and it's for sure will enlighten most of you.

 

[Lana]

Read books <3

 

[mariposa]

Ya know, I just had to look this up, and I have to say that it sounds like they're trying to say all kinds of serious things could be attributed to this fungus... that's what it is, a fungus. I'm *so* very glad that you found out you don't have fibro after all, Jenny... but I really can't see it being the cause of much fibro, IBS, ADD, UC, etc.

Wonder if someone may have just written a book about this and is trying to "spread the word" as we see sometimes when things like this come up? Or am I the only person who hasn't heard of this after more than a decade of researching a few of these health issues?