anger

[queeremo]

do you ever feel anger towards your body. because im pissed. im mad im so tired and im mad that im not fun and i can't work or have sex more or eat what i want or get stupid drunk or climb mountains or try acid or get a whole tattoo sleeve or do everything ive wanted to do. i crave adventure and excitement so much. i cry when i look at mountains because ive wanted to climb mountains since i was in 6th grade.

im also mad at others. im mad that my boss will tell my disability is fake or that i cant call out jist bwcause i """"dont feel good"""". im mad when my dad says that "sometimes we just have to push through it" because you know what im always pushing through it until i cant push anymore. im mad that at work customers tell me i look angery or tired. im mad that my coworkers get pissy when i cant lift things or i need to take a break. im mad at doctors who dont see you as real people. im furious. im so angry. i dont know how to not let the anger consume me because we dont deserve this shit. we dont deserve the resentment or the missed opportunities or the broken dreams.
i just want to ****ing live

 

[VanGogh]

Sometimes I don't know what I want to hear because it seems that everything makes me edgy. It's risky at times saying anything to those of us who are in pain so weird it's hard to describe. If I was to guess I would say that some people who read your post will relate exactly to how you have expressed yourself and I will say that I also respect your honesty about your anger.

Advice doesn't always work for obvious reasons that you have mentioned; however I have had advice from some friends of mine that took YEARS for me to get and who knows if it would work for anyone else? My best friend and teacher at times used to tell me: " Go INTO THE PAIN " That advice would make me get instantly angry and I'd ask him " WTF is THAT suppose to mean!!!? " And he would say something equally as aggravating to me: " Well what does it mean to you?" and I would answer back: " It means YOU'RE an IDIOT! " and he would laugh which aggravated me even more.

In any event I was at a yoga retreat when "my back went out" which meant that besides my daily pain I pinched a nerve and my body would turn into an S as one side would tighten up and pull me to one side.

Sitting in a desk chair with arms I discovered a way to stretch and in essence
" go into the pain ". I made up this process of twisting my upper body while sitting straight in the chair and did yogic breathing to help extend the stretch....once to the left with 3 reps of breath control. 3 reps to the center, and 3 to the right then back to center where I focused on finding a position that had the least amount of pain. 15 minutes later I was walking better than I had for days. I did that exercise 3 times a day and by the next day I was not S'd anymore.

I called my friend in Cal and told him that I finally got it and thanked him. He then told me that he doesn't do anything like what I did; he had his own way of going "into the pain ". So now I'll mention it to people but I do not TELL anyone: " Go into the pain " because this may not work for everyone and since it is an individual discovery and experience how can i TELL THEM what to do? I can't. I just tell my story and if there is something to be gained then I'll glad I could help.

If this helped in anyway then I'm glad my words helped. If my words raise your anger ignore them and know it is not my intention to give advice or tell another person what to do. I wanted to respond because I saw that you had a bunch of " views " and no replies. Now THAT makes me feel a little ignored and unworthy of a reply. So I wanted to be the first to reply.

May you find freedom from you pain and smile inside! >

PEACE!
TVG

 

[Pinkviolet2]

Hi, new here and hope this forum will bring enligthment to how to deal, accept and relieve it somewhat.

And also deal with some anger that our life is not the same. I am fortunate to be on disability as the stress of working ended up bringing me postraumatic stress, trauma that I would relive concerning sexual aggressions from my own father and 3 other men. The one I have had so much hard time with, is my father's betrayal. I never felt secure as a child in my own room.

I have been diagnosed with fibro at 27 years old and I am now 54 years old. For a few years I could barely walk, had to take the handicap bus to go to my doctor's appointments. Back then I worked on a contractual basis and I just stopped accepting contracts. Of course I had a partner that brought a good amount of income. But he never did understand my crying, anger and pain and he ended up leaving me.

For awhile I went on a strict detox herbal program and all of a sudden the pain slowly went away. My doctor called it a miracal and told me I was on remission. I have had some flare ups throughout all the years but again 2 months ago it came back in full force.

Again, I need quietness, meditation, some light streching exercises. Cannot for the life of me go walking at times as the pain is worse the next morning.

I understand your pain and all the anger that comes with people not believe you.
I wish you all the best and continue fighting for your doctor or try another one that understands and accepts fibromyalgia.

Sylvie xox

 

[diamond]

please dont try acid queeremo regardless of fibro....but i understand the anger..we all have felt angry at times and other peoples attitudes dont help....i know you are young and i empathise with the lack of freedom just to do as you please ..its bad enough getting this disease when you are older but i think i would be mad if i was young and my life so severely curtailed.

It sounds like you really need a good friend right now..do you have any one to spend time with doing quiet things but maybe enjoy a little company?

 

[sunkacola]

I know it is hard. but try to find something that will allow you not to carry anger around with you, because that is guaranteed to make you feel worse on all levels.

Scream while you are driving your car, or into a pillow. Buy cheap dishes and throw them at a brick wall ( that is Very therapeutic,but then you have to clean it up....worth it, though!) Talk to a friend and vent. Do yoga, meditation deep breathing. Whatever you have to do, but don't allow yourself to go around angry. Trust me, it will make things worse.

 

[diamond]

i just read your post again..my heart breaks for you i have a young adult child and i can imagine how they would feel if they had fibro at a young age..its so easy for us to say dont be angry as many of us have reached a place of acceptance and have lived big chunks of our lives without fibro....let the anger out like sunkacola says ...then maybe research some meds if you havent already that might improve your quality of life and maybe you can achieve some of your dreams ...its amazing what some of the folk on here can achieve and maybe you will be one of those....for sure stress will make it worse. I would like to scoop you up and take this evil illness away from you..and all of us ..give us back our true selves especially those not doing so well with little respite ...sending you a virtual hug

 

[Maria22]

It's impossible at times to let go of anger. I pray.

 

[Maria22]

If you can find an outlet it might be physical exercise. Limited. Pace yourself.
Anger is the worst. I'm angry a lot. People, places and things.
I'm tired of the general public lately and I mean tired! Hoops to jump through, and family drama , grief of loss, and missing mya adult Child always !! She's very far away and it's been almost a year since I gave her a hug and kiss.
Time goes by very fast and my life is changing for the best with our move, but anger and grief kick in and I'm done.
You've got to keep going. Sometimes you need to fake it til you make it , kind of thing .
Planning your day helps. Force yourself to get out and know "this too shall pass ".

 

[queeremo]

thank you guys so much. it means a lot to have support, this community is already helping a lot

 

[VanGogh]

I notice my self carrying forward yesterdays feelings and when anger resides inside of me for days on end it becomes my bad influence friend and just hangs out and whispers in my ear reminding me to NOTICE all that exists to be anger with or at.

To be honest it seems that after a while of that, that is who I become looking for validation everywhere and in this day and age it is not so hard to find.

That said, I also noticed that I still have the ability to notice things that bring me joy, happiness and even just a smile from time to time.

Case in point: I was mumbling to myself about the long list of issues that nag at me everyday....I'm driving and mumbling, walking and mumbling, shopping and mumbling and actually wondering why no one smiles at me. One my late afternoon quest to by some Chardonnay I pulled into a discount food market with a focus on going straight to the $2.99 a bottle stuff, picked up 2 bottles and immediately walked to the check-out where two registers appeared to be open and the one with only one person in line had a sign on the belt that I couldn't see from where I was at, The sign said "REGISTER CLOSED" stopping in mmy tracks for a retreat move I noticed that one lady had the belt full of groceries and the lady behind me with three kids in tow seemed to have a freight train full of stuff and she was already in line behind lady one. The pressure started building when lady 2 suggested the short line so I informed her of the sign that we could not see. Quickly she offered that I go in front of her and before I could answer the 1st lady offered that I could go in front of her. That's when I noticed that there was one other person at the front of the line finishing up. I felt SO APPRECIATIVE that " in this day and age NO ONE IS NICE " so there offers of kindness effected me immediately and it blew out the fog of anger that I had been harboring all day or maybe all week, or maybe all year, who knows for sure. I just noticed that it made me smile and I thanked both ladies as sincerely as I possible could.
At the front of the line the check out girl who was a young Hispanic girl smiled at me, saw what I had and asked me: " what time does the party start ". Finding my old charm I said: " When you get off work ". Everyone in line laughed, so the banter continued. " Should I plan on dinner also? " I said with that flirtish grin? And she immediately replied: " No cheese and crackers will be fine; maybe some flowers too" " Roses or Tulips? " I asked " I LOVE TULIPS " she replied with glee. I said: " The glasses are chill'n as we speak; see you at 5 " I turned to the ladies who let me in front of them and with the biggest smile and sincerity that I could muster I said : thank YOU BOT SO MUCH for your kindness to let me in front of you; have a most wonderful day! " and Everyone was smiling and I walked out feeling like a different person was walking out than walked in.

I immediately realized how we are all connected and how important kindness is. Driving home I did not curse one traffic light or driver who's driving I would ordinarily critique. I slept really well that night but wondered if I missed my opportunity to find someone sweet to talk with by not going back to the market at 5.

I told myself that I was too old for her and thought that she was " just being nice ". If she was it worked. If she was serious about the cheese and wine I eliminated myself with self doubt....

Maybe I'm seeing a pattern that I need to change.

 

[diamond]

i think its true if people in this world all took more time to be kind and thoughtful to others then everyone would benefit..too much negativity can become a downward spiral.

Thanks for your touching story.

 

[Eyesup]

It's ok to feel angry at all of this. i think its all part of the grieving process. You will adjust in your own time and learn what helps you to let the anger go. Really anger only hurts us but I think we are better off if we allow ourselves to feel anger so we can face what's made us angry. If not angry it would be hurt. We are hurt not just physically but emotionally this takes a huge bite out of our lives, so let yourself feel what it feels then try to work thru each thing that makes you angry. If you struggle to much perhaps getting a councilor will help but either way remember you are going thru a grieving process, you will likely go from hurt, anger and sadness and maybe even denial. You are not wrong for it in fact it's very normal.

Im glad your here sharing and hope you find something in our text that helps you feel at peace.

 

[Tipnatee N]

Talk about tattoos. I went to get tattoo not long before I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I was angry cause at that time I didn't know what kind of illness I was battling. Beside was being diagnosed with MDD, and PD I also was told that it was possibly ovarian cancer. The tests was so long wait progresses and I was going crazy with my personal problem that I was facing all at the same time , you know the usual us fibro sufferer might had experienced ( Shocked of near death experiences, lost family & grief ,divorcing, possible bankruptcy, lost job, etc).

I met with good tattoo artist with sturdy hands specializing in fine details and went for it . I've got one in the upper middle of the back . It wasn't as bad as I thought. Compare to other fibro pains I have to deal with now that's was like a simple sun burn ( it's about the size of iPhone7 ) . I was happy for a while , went on a date with someone I once knew which last for a month then broke up cause it didn't work out do his family religion belief. And so I went back to get another tattoo lol ( another reason to get more right?) a big one this time to cover my whole right size of my body . Well it did went well but of corse I had to deal with more than just sun burn like sensation but since I trust my tattoo artist I was ok. I can't do it in all one goes so it was suppose to be 3 sessions tattoo and each took about a few weeks apart . I was so focusing on healing my tattoo I guess I've almost completely forgot about any othe problems surrounding me. Even aches and cramps it wasn't even bordering me as much as it was. Sadly after the second session I had to stop and couldn't finish the tattoo simply because my PTSD started ( after all my tattoo were completely healed) . And after that I was finally diagnosed with fibromyalgia while was cleared of ovarian cancer. I almost wish for cancer instead cause all I would have to do is remove it at least that's what I've heard my doctor was talking about if that were the case. But I know that's a bad wish. Oh well I might go back to finish my tattoo someday when I'm going crazy enough again. It kinda help actually but only if you truly trust and comfortable with the artist, if not your tattoo might not even take shapes , difficult painful healing, and ended up wasted your money without tattoo after. I do believe good pains can cancel bad pains sometimes. It's just the mystery of the mind isn't it?